Becky Conner quotes from Roseanne

( To Darlene popping her head up from looking in the fridge) Why don't you shut your thin lipped little mouth!

Well, if they're not missing, then what are they? I mean, hey, let’s face it, even Mom and Dad can't eat dinner for four hours.

Darlene's just sort of discovering boys, Brian. In fact, before she met you she thought she was one.

Oh, so that's the way it works around here? You lie around like a hairball and you get free clothes? Well, maybe if I lapse into a coma, I'll get that car.

Take her to the emergency room. She needs a tourniquet!

Roseanne

Shut up, honey!

Mom!!!

Roseanne

She's not here.

I'll get the tape.

Darlene

No, I'll get the tape.

Roseanne

I'll get my tubes tied.

I hate my hair. I hate my clothes. I hate my face.

Darlene

That makes two of us.

What do you think you're doing?

Darlene

What does it look like, Einstein?

You're gonna die, you know that?

Darlene

From one cigarette?

Yeah: Mom and Dad are going to kill you.

I wonder what people did before television.

Roseanne

They made dolls out of corn cobs and stared at fire.

Mom, Darlene and DJ are killing each other out there.

Roseanne

What's the bad news?

(sulking) I'm never eating again.

Roseanne

Okay, but you're still doing the dishes.

[about Johnny] It's none of your business!

Roseanne

It IS my business when you start sneakin' out of this house to meet some guy that I would consider leavin' your father for!

[yelling at Darlene] How come I found my new sweater in the bottom of your grungy closet?

Roseanne

Because everything in the free world is in the bottom of the grungy closet. So what else is new?

[frustrated at the washing machine] I HATE this house! Nothing ever works!

Roseanne

[cooking] Except me.