Paper quotes from Rock Paper Scissors

Paper, you broke the rules of storytelling?

That's as hardcore as it gets!

Paper

Really? So I can get my old room back?

Yeah!

Absolutely!

Paper

Great. Scissors, are you wearing Rock's shorts again?

[wearing Rock's favorite pair of shorts] Uh, well, Mr. Parmesan was having so many parties. There was no time to do laundry. I mean-- [cut to him cramped up in Mr. Parmesan's mouse hole] This isn't fair! I can't fold like Paper can!

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Paper, how are you not sobbing? I mean, the love, the loss, the CGI monkey with a heart of gold!

Paper

I don't know. People cry at different things.

And when's the last time you cried? When the Whos in Whoville sang their Christmas song?

Paper

Are you saying I'm the Grinch?

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[The trio are flying in the sky on their Susan vehicle with 500 tubs of cheeseburger flavored ice cream]

Hurry, Paper! Our 500 tubs of limited edition cheeseburger ice cream are melting!

Paper

I'm going as fast as I can, but I can't see through the clouds!

It's not gonna make it! We need to eat it all now!

Paper

Rock!

NO!

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[after the trio crashes through the roof of his house] What on earth is going on?

RPRock, Paper & Scissors

[all surprised] Henry Winkler?!

Yup, it's me. [to the viewers] I actually said yes to this.

[screams in excitement] Mr. Winkler, I am your biggest fan! I love your acting, your children's books, you can do no wrong.

I guess you didn't see my off-Broadway version of Kinky Boots.

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Paper

[on recording] I'm Paper.

[on recording] I'm Scissors.

Paper

And we're gonna kidnap you, Henry Winkler. [as the cops put him and Scissors in the back of the police car] We didn't say that! How did you--

Looks like you boys are going away. For a long time. [snickers evilly]

Man! He's a good actor.

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You guys?! How did you get out of prison?

Paper

Well, thanks to you, we now know one of us is good at opening locks.

[as Paper uses him to cut the locks on the gate] Ah! Paper, you know I have teeth!

Paper

Time to put you away and clear our names.

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Paper

Good news, friends. Things have been going swimmingly with me and my special lady.

Special lady?

Are you 90?

Paper

[looking at a photo of him and Pencil playing around with an electric plasma ball] I can't even remember the last time I did something embarrassing around her. Oh. Yes, I can.

Paper, I think you confused Toluene with Toluidine.

Paper

Oh. How embarrassing. [lets out a flatulence] I'm having a bad day. Anyway, I'm going to meet her tonight for a romantic dinner, tell her how I feel, and ask her to be my girlfriend. If she says yes, I'll feel like the luckiest man alive. And if she says no, I'll turn into a red-hot ball of inexhaustible rage and take it out on all of you guys. But who knows? [skips away]

Wanna film that for our channel?

Worth a shot. Maybe it'll appease Grandma.

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I always knew you were into me. But I should warn you, I'm a heartbreaker.

Paper

Potato, listen, I don't want this.

Oh, my gosh! You need this?

Paper

This is out of control.

I get it, Paper. I'm super desirable. There's a reason they call me "Hot Tots."

Paper

No one calls you that.

BBruiser

[entering Pencil's apartment] Hot Tots! Say it ain't so! You broke up with me for him?!

Bruiser, get out of here.

BBruiser

[pointing to Paper] So you're the guy who think he's good enough for Potato.

Paper

No!

Paper, of course you're good enough.

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Paper

[types a text to Pencil on his phone saying: "You're the love of my life. Let's buy a house in Nebraska and start a family."] Way too strong. [types a different text saying: "Can we talk when I get back? It's important.", and sends it to her]

Paper?

Paper

Potato. Uh, hey. I actually wanted to…

This isn't working.

Paper

Sorry?

Look, it's been fun here in Hawaii, and you're a great guy, but… I don't think we're a good match.

Paper

Are you… breaking up with me?

We just got to this point so fast, you know? I mean, I'm looking at us and feeling like… I don't even know how I got here.

Paper

Wow. Um… Yeah, no, uh… That's fine. I, uh… want the same thing.

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Exercise is important. It's good for your heart, it's good for your brain. You guys are so sedentary, you're practically koalas.

KKoala

Hey! That's a hurtful stereotype and… [quickly goes to sleep]

Also, we just did a workout last week.

[sarcastically] Yeah? How'd that go?

[Flashback to last week at the pool]

IInstructor

All right, ladies, let's get those hands up and flap those pool noodles!

This is hard. Let's go eat cake.

[Back to the present]

You three need to stop making excuses. This is just like when Paper used to write fake notes from Mom to get out of gym class. [Paper gives her a note; reading] "Please excuse Paper from Sandpaper's workout. He has a broken…" [stops reading] Really? You're still doing this? [unplugs their video game system, shutting off the TV]

Paper

Hey!

Hey!

[yells frantically as his friends look at him; calmly] Sorry.

Paper

Sandpaper, give that back!

I'll give it back when you complete one of my workouts. And I promise, when you see the results, you won't care about video games anymore. [takes away three Jane Austen novels as well] And no Jane Austen novels either.

What?!

Paper

Awww!

Come on!

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Are you eating pancakes?

[munching on pancakes while light jogging] I'm carbo loading. All athletes do it.

Paper

The day before the workout.

Yeah, I'm gonna take workout advice from the guy exercising in jeans. [referring to Paper]

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Paper

Scissors, stop carbo loading!

[eating an entire wedding cake] Mmm. I can't help you. I'm only halfway through this wedding cake.

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[starting to feel sick while gagging] Rock, stop running. I'm gonna throw up!

Paper

Scissors, come on!

We're so close!

[placing his hands on his bloated stomach; weakly stuffed] Uh, I don't feel good. It's probably all the pancakes, lasagna, entire wedding cake, and 40 pounds of honey I ate offscreen.

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[Paper goes to Pencil's apartment and asks if he can use her time machine to go back in time and teach cavemen to play ice hockey]

Paper, this is the ninth time you've asked to borrow my time machine.

Paper

For science.

And you always say that, but it's usually for something selfish, like winning a game of hide and seek, or making yourself the inventor of the airplane.

Paper

[chastising the Wright Brothers while flying his own handmade airplane] More like the Wrong Brothers! [laughs]

Now be honest, is this for science or something selfish? And before you answer, I saw you on that panel show.

[After a brief pause… Paper shoots a dart at her, causing her to fall asleep]

Paper

I'm sorry, Pencil! I'm so sorry!

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[The trio are folding their laundry and quickly hide under the coffee table when they hear Lou knocking from outside the door]

[quietly] It's okay. If we don't say anything, he'll think we're gone and he'll leave us alo--

Lou

[kicks the door down with his foot] Oh, there you are. I was knocking. [the trio sighs in disappointment] Listen, something's wrong with my cat, Meatball. I took him to the vet, changed his diet, even bought him a kitty Peloton, which he never uses… but he's still looking rough.

How old is he?

30.

30?

That's not that old. I'm only 31.