JTCaptain James T. Kirk
[on the USS Enterprise Scotty arrives at the bridge in USS Enterprise] Report, Mr. Scott.
SScotty
Captain, somebody traded all of the dilithium crystals for pornographic holograms!
SScotty
With no power, all life support on the ship is about to fail.
SScotty
Our only hope is to beam down to the nearest planet, but there is only enough power to send five people. I can't do no more!
Captain, logic dictates that each of the 433 crew members.
LULt. Uhura
Hey! Where did Kirk go? [camera scene changes to the same bridge scene without James Kirk] Oh, no. He didn't.
[There is a LEGO house. A LEGO car pulls into the driveway, and Bill gets out of it]
BBill
Finally, home to my perfect suburban paradise!
[Truck horn. Camera switches view to the house beside Bill's, Earl's house, which is a towering, exotic LEGO structure decorated with satellite dishes and a large propeller attached to the roof. Earl pulls up in that house's driveway, in a car with spaceship parts]
EEarl
Hey, neighbor! Beautiful day, huh?
BBill
Ugh! Hi, Earl. I see you still have your satellite dishes up.
EEarl
Yeppers. Of course, there's no point now that the cable's in, but they sure look slick, don't they?
BBill
And the propeller, any idea when that will come down?
EEarl
[chuckles] Like I can just remove a load-bearing propeller.
ESEarl's Wife
Earl, dinner time!
EEarl
Billy-boy, that's my cue. See you later. [enters his house]
[Bill has a disgruntled look on his face. Scene cuts to Bill and his wife having sex]
BBill
Argh! Yeah, yeah, no.
BSBill's Wife
Ow, you're overthinking. Just put the knob in the hollow end.
BBill
I know. Just, [gets off the bed] oh, forget it.
BSBill's Wife
[sits up, revealing her breasts] Come on, Bill. What's got you so distracted?
BBill
Nothing. Leave me alone.
BSBill's Wife
Fine. I don't know why I work so hard to keep up this body if you never want to touch me. [leaves]
[Bill groans and looks at Earl's house. Scene cuts to Earl at his house]
EEarl
Okay, love of my life, I'm off to work. [becoming shocked] Bill! What are you doing?!
[Cuts to an insane Bill driving a bulldozer]
BBill
Your house, Earl, it's gotta go!
[Zooms out to Bill being surrounded by LEGO police officers]
LPLEGO Police Chief
Sir, I repeat: Get out of the bulldozer!
BBill
Green brick, red brick, yellow brick, it's all coming down!
[The cops fire their guns at Bill, killing him. The bulldozer crashes into Earl's house]
LPLEGO Police Chief
Calm down, everyone. It's-It's over now.
LPLEGO Policeman
Uh, chief, you should take a look at this.
[The camera switches view to the inside of Earl's house, which is full of LEGO heads. The cops gasp]
LPLEGO Police Chief
Oh my god, it's heads, people's heads!
EEarl
Uh, so, you know... [laughs nervously, and tries to make a run for it, but the cops shoot him to death]
[It is revealed that a boy named Scotty and his friend are playing with LEGO bricks and acting out the scenario the whole time]
SSScotty's Friend
That's where all the head pieces went!? I've been trying to find - Scotty, you idiot!
SScotty
What? It looks cool.
Robot Chicken · 315 quotes
