A character in Robot Chicken
Papa Smurf
Robot Chicken · 315 quotes
Tied for 10th most-quoted character in Robot Chicken: in 4 of its 315 quotes
[Papa Smurf and Brainy are in Vanity's house, investigating the latter's murder, in a parody of Seven]
One thing's for certain, Brainy. Vanity Smurf died the way he lived.
Bicurious?
[A massive rain storm is falling on the Smurf Village]
Papa Smurf Papa Smurf it's smurfing like a mothersmurfer. What if the dam breaks?
This is exactly why I'm Papa Smurf and you're just...uhhh...uh...uh which smurf are you?
Oh I'm Army Corp of Engineer Smurf.
That Dam was smurfed by the finest construction crew the forest has to offer.
[Cuts to several beavers. One has it's head stuck in a bucket, one is hiting it's head against a tree and one is humping another beaver. Suddenly the crappy wooden dam, just a few logs piled haphazardly across the river, breaks]
I did't evacuate when them chipmunks went rabid, and that was bad. Sure as hell ain't evacuating for a little rain.
[Flood water then crushes him. Smurf village is shown flooded, with Smurf bodies floating in the water]
Destruction. Devestation. A community in ruins. How did it come to this? Why did the dam fail?
[News footage shows bodies, two smurfs holding up a sign that says "Smurf Fema" before a hawk swoops in and grabs one of them and a smurf looting a T.V from an appliance store. Cuts to Gargamel's home, who is watching Anderson Copper on TV]
I've spent my entire adult life trying to find the smurf village. How did Anderson [bleep]ing Copper find it in less than a day?
And where is the king during the greatest crisis the forest has ever known?
Papa Smurf says that the king doesn't care about blue people and Papa Smurf is always right because Papa Smurf... [begins to look around surprised] Papa Smurf?
Anderson Copper": What is it Brainy?
Usually the other smurfs kick me out of the village when I start talking too much, but...there are no smurfs left!
[Brainy starts crying. Gargamel is scooping up dead smurfs in a fishing net]
Ha Ha Ha! This is the best day of my life! RaHe He Heee!. [cutting up smurf bodies, putting them in blenders and pulling out a bowl of smurfs from the oven. Cut to him at the dinner table] Triumph at last! Hahahaha. [takes a bite of the smurf meal and immediately has a disgusted look on his face. He then takes the plate of smurfs over to the garbage can throws them away. He picks up the phone and makes a call, depressed] Hello it's Gargamel, yes the usual. Oh with fried rice please! For one. [hangs up phone and sighs]
[The Smurfs collect and eat some smurfberries from the plants] Papa, we need to modernize! We should turn some of these smurfberries into preserves to avoid a future shortage.
Oh, how cute. Why don't you smurf along and roll a hoop with a stick, or whatever.
Actually, bitch, I think it's time for a NEW Papa Smurf. [Takes out a bow and arrow]
Smurf-what now? [Sassette shoots him in the head, and he dies. Sassette then puts on his hat]
Who's your Papa?! [Laughs evilly as she slices the beard off Papa Smurf's body as the other Smurfs groan in disgust. Then Sassette puts the beard on] WHO'S YOUR PAPA?!?!? [Smurfs bow down in fear]
I HATE kneeling! [Sassette puts her knife on his neck growling, causing Grouchy to piss his pants] I hate pissing my pants!
[Cuts to Papa Smurf shaving his beard in his house]
I don't usually get involved in day-to-day operations, so I'm smurfing undercover. They'll never smurf it's me. [chuckles; takes off his pants] Ohh, I haven't smurfed these things off in nearly 300 years! Talk about crotch rot!
[Title Card: Undercover Smurf Boss]
So, you're my new intern, huh?
That's right, Farmer Smurf. Teach me to care about your sad, little life...I mean your noble and fulfilling, uh, career choice.
Well, Smurfs are a thirsty bunch, so we got to smurf them fresh milk every day!
[A giant caterpillar slithers in and turns onto its side, revealing its udders]
[being filmed] We've been drinking CATERPILLAR MILK?! [milks the giant caterpillar, his hands getting sore] Oh, this is agony. It feels like my hands are gonna smurf off!
Yep, my carpal tunnel got so bad, they had to fuse my wrist bones in place!
But our healthcare is smurfy, right?
Eh, my deductible is 2,000 smurfberries.
WHAT?! [cash register dings]
[Title Card: 1 Smurfberry = 1.78 USD]
[Scene cuts to the Smurf Hospital. Doctor Smurf packs his medical bag]
Doctor Smurf, why are deductibles so high?
Boy, you smurf a lot of uppity questions for an intern. Uh, just treat the next patient while I go for a Jamba Juice run in my gold-plated helicopter.
Actually, I'm not really qualified.
[Outside the window, Doctor Smurf takes off in his gold-plated helicopter. Door opens, Smurfette and Handy Smurf enter the room]
We need Doctor Smurf! Handy had an accident!
Did someone get a sliver? [Handy shows his bleeding hand, missing all of his fingers] OH MY SMURFING GOD!!!
I sawed right through a load-bearing mushroom! Half our building materials are fungus! Oh, trade school didn't prepare me for this!
You can smurf his fingers, right, nurse?
I'll certainly try. [being filmed] I certainly tried.
[Cuts to Papa Smurf sewing Handy's fingers while Handy lies dead on the table]
[crying] You can probably stop sewing.
No, no, no. I-I'm gonna get this. [walks up to Grouchy Smurf] So, Grouchy Smurf, how's the coffee today?
I hate coffee!
Oh! Okay. But how do you like working here?
I hate working here.
Oh, goodness. Okay. Well, is there anything that maybe Papa Smurf could do?
I hate Papa Smurf!
All right, what exactly do you do around here?
I-I hate stuff?
[puts on his red hat] I'm being deadly serious.
I...I... [cuts to him, shoveling dog poop outside] I hate shoveling dog [bleep].
Well, now that's actually an appropriate reaction. Carry on, dog-[bleep] Smurf! [leaves]
[More dog poop falls from above, next to Grouchy]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Robot Chicken pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
