Space Beth quotes from Rick and Morty

Hey! Did you two—

Beth, your son is dying! Say goodbye!

What are you—?

Say goodbye to your little boy!

No! Look away! I'm makin' an egg, Mom! Ugh...! I'm makin' an egg!

You said you'd keep me more in the loop this year!

Look away, Beth! Daddy loves you!

Aaaagh! My ass! MY ASS!

This is it, Morty! It's full circle from the pilot! Full circle...!! [groaning and loud farting] ...Oh, I guess we, uh... I guess we both just had to take a shit.

Yeah, I-I guess we, uh...

Fucking gross. Guys, clean it up.

We got an oversupply of teachers putting a strain on the literary drive.

Activating playwright converter!

Nice work, honey. Okay, the therapists are getting bored, we need to increase their supply of incest porn.

20% wasn't enough?

Just admit this is about you wanting to feel needed!

Jerry

Says the woman who sold out her family for an ounce of approval from her drunk father!

Well, maybe he drinks because it isn't easy to be more powerful than God!

Jerry

Well, if it's god-power that gets you going, light some candles and put on the Billy Ocean, 'cause Moses is home, and he's ready to burn some bush!

Jerry

Well, kids, never thought I'd say this, but, Summer, you were right.

Summer

Wait, what?

Jerry

I thought I wanted to teach you guys about tents, but really, I just wanted to feel important. I guess sometimes teenagers do know what they're talking about, even if it's mean.

Right, but didn't you, like, go into god-mode and fight Mom?

Jerry

Love is the only power that matters, Morty.

No, you had actual power, and you did jack shit. That was a divine staff. You could've cured cancer or raised the dead. Instead you made bugs.

Well, I was impressed, Dad. He saved my life, no thanks to you.

Your kids got high on alien mist and drove the ship into that Zeus guy's head. Basically murdered him.

Summer

Grandpa, what the hell?!

Rick, come on!

What? You did. I mean, not to cast the first stone, but Beth and Jerry? Pretty terrible parenting on your part. Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array? She basically smoked The Ring - most pilots die after three days. And Morty, the fucking moron, he thought the ship worked like a game controller! What in the Disney Channel fuck is that?! Maybe help him with homework next time! He's clearly crying for help!

Are they gonna torture us?

Unless you plan on telling them what I know. Last chance to guess who was the clone.

You're his daughter. Something about the eyes -- the shameless abandonment of your family.

How ever can I live with myself? One theory: I was designed by your father to live with myself, which would mean you made a conscious choice to swallow your dreams with cheap wine and dinosaur pasta.

You know that's the kind Jerry likes! Same way I know the only goddamn dream you'll ever follow is your shitty father's approval.

You fetch your shitty father's lemonade.

You cosplay as your shitty father in his thirties!

Red Alert. Red Alert. Rick Sanchez--

More like dead alert! What else? What else? I wrote some stuff down on my Notes app, let me just find it... Screw it. Beth, if-- if one of you is still alive, you're my real daughter. If you're both alive, don't hurt the other one. She's just a clone; she's not worth it. I'm coming, baby!

That piece of shit.

I came back to kill him, you know.

I'd like to help.

Getting cold feet?

Jerry

No...Please don't tell Rick.

He wouldn't understand.

Yes. He. Would. [shakes off his robe]

Jerry

But why does he always want to be hunted?

Jerry.

That's not important right now, dad!

Jerry

Sure, guys. Rick can make secret decoys of the family and place them all around the country, but fuck me if I have questions about the starfish man in the target suit.

Summer

So thankful this is my Saturday.

"Terminate"? They're alive, dad!

And at some point, they won't be. That's how existing works. What, are you gonna save every stray cat?

No, but I can resist making more of them in a lab!

Look, save the empathy. It's more termite infestation than Blade Runner.

Summer

I still think we're decoys.

You just want an excuse to stop trying!

Summer

Yeah, and?

My whole life, I've never fit in anywhere! Everything I have to say is always met with an eyeroll, as if the act of hearing what I have to say is some exhausting chore! Nobody in this family thinks I can say or do anything right! I've been all over the universe, met hundreds of people, [starting to tear up] and Planetina's the only one I've ever met that makes me feel like I belong! And you just kicked her out of our house!

Morty, please--

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! [leaves, slamming the door]

[saddened and afraid] Please go. I-I-I can't see you anymore.

Don't you even want to try to make it work? We were so close.

You murdered 300 people.

And you murdered my kids.

They were gonna sell you away forever. Eddie was trying to kill me! Th-Those miners were innocent.

Those "innocent" miners voted men into power to protect their precious jobs so they can buy more plastic garbage and eat the corpses of tortured animals - the system is broken, Morty! This is the only way I can save Earth... the only way I can save you.

If that's the only way, I-I don't want to be saved. Please go.

But... I love you. [cups his cheek]

I-I-I can't. I-I can't love you, I-I just can't. Please understand.

[sniffing, clearly close to tears] No... I'll go. But don't you dare ask me to understand.

Planetina, I... I'm so sorry.

[now openly crying] Fuck you.

Morty... are you all right?

[sobbing] She's gone, Mom! She's gone! I loved her so much! [collapses into her arms]

I know you did, honey. [kisses his forehead and shushes him gently] Mommy's here...

This is Professor Shabooboo, the world's leading expert on sperm. Thanks for getting here so fast.

My schedule was wide open. I have been tracking our new sperm friends since their arrival. I-If my calculations are correct, they have gathered here. [unravels a poster of the Grand Canyon]

Why would the sperm go to the Grand Canyon? [silence; gets lots of incredulous looks and smirks] Why are you looking at me like the answer is obvious? [stifled sniggers are heard] Oh, you can't be serious! Are we in middle school? You think sperm are instinctively heading for America's--?

Don't high road us, lady, it's where they went!

Summer

Your kids and their grandpa are asking you to do an activity with them - when did that stop being a parent's wettest dream?!

I guess around the time our family created a giant incest baby and the government launched it into space.

Summer

[sarcastic] "Oh my god, we made a giant incest baby!" "Oh my god, you might be a clone!" "I exist because you guys failed to abort me!" We get the family we get, not the one we want, and if you want to keep the one you got, get your asses into some anime spacesuits!

Summer

Morty was right - I got addicted to making Grandpa happy!

It's only because your grandpa inflates the value of his happiness.

Jerry

Ah, that's a good point. I mean, look at me. I'm easy to make happy. [bitterly] Which is why nobody gives a shit if I am...!

Summer

I've been really sensitive about family lately because of something I've been keeping secret...

Oh...

Jerry

Okay, who's on the Supreme Court and what state do we live in? It's been years since I thought about this--

Summer

No, I'm not pregnant, but as you guys recall, and as a lot of people keep bringing up, Morty and I did accidentally create a giant incest baby, which the government did launch into space. And... I'm not sure how to tell you this, but, it is still alive, and I have been in contact with it. [narrating over a flashback] There were soldiers waiting for me outside school last month. They took me to the Pentagon and briefed me, and from there, I was shuttled to a secret base on Mars. They had captured him and wanted to see if he'd respond to me instinctively, being his mother. And he sure did. But what they didn't expect was that I'd respond to him. I was supposed to help discipline him so they could turn him into the ultimate weapon. Instead, I trained him to love, to believe in himself - and finally, to escape! [flashback ends] The government doesn't want anyone to know it happened, but it's only a matter of time before the story comes out. And when it does, all we're going to have is each other. And you guys are a couple, and Rick has Morty, but I'm the odd one out, so [starting to cry] I wanted to make sure we stuck together! But instead, I drove us apart, and Rick replaced me with an anime girl, so all I got is myself and my giant, tortured, government-trained rogue incest monster baby out there in space somewhere!

Jerry

[comforting her] Oh, baby, what the fuck? [frowning] And then you have to wonder, what else are they doing with our taxes?

They're not actually gonna attack a space baby, are they?

Summer

I never thought I'd be the one to say this, but you need to watch more anime, Mom. [to the baby] Whoa! Easy there, Naruto!