Listen, Tom, he's a sweet kid, dumb as a box of rocks and not the regular ones, the dumb ones. He's not bad in the sack and that's about all there is to it.
Listen Tommy, including Garrity I got about 4 guys in line right now, no five. I just started this thing with the new super in my building. He's a cute Mexican guy, his name is Nacho. Y'know, like the snack.
[on the phone] Lemme ask you somethin'. When did it start? Was it after Connor died, and I asked you personally, as my brother to look after my own kids and my wife. Is that when it started, huh? Was it like a month, a coupla months, huh? Last week? When did it start?
My life is bigger shit. My wife whom I love dearly left me for another man. She broke my heart and then she took nearly everything I own. Yeah, and then I met another woman, beautiful, young, gorgeous... hooker but one of the good ones because-- because she didn't make me pay until the end. And then at the end she took every penny that I had on Earth. Then get this-- I'm in a porn store the other day and who do I see on the cover of a triple X but her. So, not only is she a thief and a hooker but she's a porn star. I'm a joke, I'm a loser, I look in the mirror and I wanna puke.
The sperm? You know what, I think they go in right above the knee with-- with a little tube and suck the cum right outta your leg. I don't-- what do you think?
Because if we then decide to use the sperm at a later date to have a child, it would be sorta like we were actually...connected at the moment that it all started.
No, he was in real estate first of all. He was a suit and tie guy he spend his whole life behind a desk and real estate was all he thought about. He got up every mornin' and thought about how to rip people off. He was a selfish, self-centered, greedy, lying, cheating... midget. He was like 5'2. I'm way taller than him, and not funny at all which is one of the things my wife said that she found attractive about me when she met me was that I was funny and her father was not funny.
All these goddamn faggotty politically correct assholes with their goddamn bibles, and their bumper stickers and their girl power bullshit. Nobody's accountable anymore. You get a drunk driver who kills a kid, it's not his fault 'cause he drank, it's his parents fault because they bullied him when he was a kid. I'm so sick of the people not facing up to the facts. Black people like fried foods. Chinese people, lousy goddamn drivers. Mexicans think that a pick-up truck holds 27 goddamn people. And that's just what I think.
You wanna please me? Keep your hands outta my sister's pants. [Sean tries to go after him, but since they're in the truck, he's seatbelted in and can't reach Tommy]
---with teachers and students and uncles and nephews, we're talking about fire-breathing cocks, I mean, to be honest with you, all of a sudden, I don't know why, but y'know, I feel a little bit better about my life.
Well, I don't know what to tell you, I mean you're the only man in the tri-state area who shares a case of chlamydia with three teenage boys ... non clergy, of course.
[sleepwalking, after taking the wrong pill from Tommy]: Hey bro, you need to lose like 75 pounds. Seriously. If I have to carry you out of a fire, it's gonna be slow going.
Can you do me a favor and write me two U2 tickets at the Garden? I love you U2. Two, my mom and my sister, my mom loves Bono because of the whole world hunger thing... actually, my mom--will you write us 12?
Colleen called her teacher a bitch and slapped one of her classmates, so they want her to see a counselor, I think it has to do with Connor and you not being around any more.
