What's going on with the getting me all excited front?
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. How 'bout we like go back to your apartment and I get you excited in another way, in a way that doesn't involve me getting punched in the kidneys. [a big guy walks by them]
Did you hear that? That guy just called me a whore.
You just called me a whore didn't you, asshole?
GGuy
[turns around] Excuse me?
Oh, it was me, sometimes I just do that I--
GGuy
You got a problem, asshole?
God, with you, come on. No, what're you crazy? [looks towards a smaller guy] No this guy--did he?
No definitely him, [points to the big guy, then the little guy] not him.
No, you're wrong. It was this guy. [to the smaller guy] Did you just call my lady friend a whore?
LGLittle Guy
Get away from me.
Y'know what I think he did. What're you a tough guy? [he sprays Sean with mace, who falls to the ground]
LGLittle guy
Whose the tough guy now?! [rides off on his bike]
Jesus, Sean, this is so embarrassing. You need to grow up. It's like you've never been sprayed in the eyes with mace before.
We're supposed to go out again tonight, I mean, I wanna make her happy but I gotta figure out a way to fight some guys where I'm not gonna get hurt.
Yeah, just guys, for now. I mean, I'm sure I'll fight some chicks in a coupla weeks but for now, just guys.
What about guys with one leg?
AAngie
I have a lot of cop friends back from when Johnny and I were married. I heard about the two of you. You've been a busy girl.
AAngie
Oh, you mean me and Tommy? That's such a big surprise for me, I mean he was never really my type. Then I bumped into him a coupla weeks--
You actually think that I believe this bullshit?
AAngie
Oh, why? I'm not good enough for Tommy?
Janet: That is not it, Angie.
AAngie
Oh, yeah I think it is.
Well, it's not. Look, we were never close, and frankly I never liked you.
Yeah. But then you did one thing that I could never do. You broke free. You got away from the neighborhood and all the petty family bullshit. You broke away and started a whole new life for yourself. And I respected you for that so much, but now here you are all dressed up, dead center in a pile of shit. Welcome home, Angie.
AAngie
Oh, no I already got my welcome home when I made it with your husband. Don't worry about those frown lines, sweetie. Just keep smiling no one's gonna notice.
Well, look at 'ya now huh, just pushin' the pencil, runnin' all over the city makin' sure good guys like my crew here aren't rubbing one off on the city's dime huh?
FFlinn
I'm just doin' what I'm told.
CChief
Yeah, and there's a lot of honor in that ain't there, Flinn? (pushes him up against the lockers) Now You can take your little clipboard and go back downtown, back to headquarters and you tell who ever it was that sent you up here that they can kiss my white Irish ass. This is the best group of guys I've ever had the honor of serving with. These guys are gold when it comes to saving people's lives and protecting their property, not to mention the five names on that plaque on that wall out there. Guys that went into those two towers on that day and never came back. So, If within the sacred confines of these four walls, they should wanna look at something else other than that shit, that's fine with me. They wanna smoke, they wanna jerk off, they wanna shove potato chips up their ass, I don't give a shit. As long as they keep gettin' on that rig and goin' out the door and savin' lives, I'll back 'em up.
FFlinn
[looking over towards his guys] What've we got?
GGuy
There's no porn, sir. No tapes, no magazines.
I'm sorry that it was a wasted trip, now get outta my goddamn quarters.
FFlinn
[to his guys] Let's go.
Make sure down at headquarters you tell 'em Chief Jerry Reilly from the 15th battalion. [After the guys leave, everyone claps] Cut it out, cut it out.
Nicely done, Chief. Now, lemme ask you a question: Did you really mean what you said about us being able to smoke and jerk off and everything?
Good, because there's a bag of potato chips in the kitchen with my ass' name all over it.
Alright, Maggie, what's it gonna take for you to feel loved? What, you wanna get married? You wanna live happily ever aft--
What? What did you just say?
You asked me to marry you, I'm sayin' "yes."
No, I meant when you said that--
What, now you don't wanna get married?
We've only been engaged 15 seconds and you're already getting cold feet.
I guess we could get married. I mean I love you, and I'm pretty sure that you love me, even though you've never actually said it.
It concerns me and Maggie.
No, quite the opposite. We are gettin' married.
So you'll kill her in like three years.
No, come on, why can't you guys be happy for me? This is such a big deal [goes over and hugs, then kisses Tommy's cheek] we're gonna be bro's!
I uh…the thing is-- see my family, they raised me right... I think. I wanted to do this respectfully and so uh…that's why I'm here Mr. Gavin. To ask you most sincerely and most... some other word for um... your daughter, Maggie's hand in marriage.
[Over at the table, Maggie and Lou are listening]
[whispers] I can't believe Tommy's missing this.
[whispers] I'm taking notes.
I mean, I had some reading comprehension problems in school and I had to take the SAT's like 11 times and I still didn't pass---
What's the point of asking me for her hand in marriage when you've already asked her for it?
That's a good point. That's a good point, Dad. Is it too early for me to call you that?
I don't know, is it too early for me to call you asshole? [at the table Lou laughs and writes that down for the notes] You do realize that she is a blood-sucking, hell bitch.
This is a private conversation.
You see these shoes? These are gonna go right up your ass old man.
[to Sean] You see how she talks to me? And I'm her father. Imagine what she'll say to you.
Now, you seem like a pretty nice kid, a little slow but nice. You see that door right over there? Use it and never look back.
That's it. You're not invited to the wedding. No invitation for you.
Yeah, well what about the wedding after this one? Am I banned from that one too?
I'm here because um...y'know, I didn't want you findin' out from somebody else. Janet's pregnant. It wasn't planned, y'know, it just happened. It is what it is and we're happy. Obviously we don't know what the sex of the child is yet, but look on the upside, Tommy, if--if it's a boy, then dad can stop with that whole male heir bullshit thing that he keeps talkin' about. Okay, Tommy?
You--You're askin' me if it's okay?
[pause and stares at him] Congratulations.
For your information Chris was just here. He told me everything.
That's right, I mean we're such good friends, I mean when were you gonna tell me about it?
Alright, well, now I'm confused too. Why didn't you just talk to me, maybe I'd have gone the same way.
Yeah, bro. I like to keep it fresh. I like to try new things. Try new positions, switch hit. How could you go behind our backs and do this?
Sean you gotta know the truth. It-- it was just Chris.
Oh, don't pin this on him.
But it was him. He gave me like a half a dozen blow jobs, and it was always him goin' down on me. I never kissed him or slept with him, it was just the blow jobs I swear.
[Sean looks shocked and backs away]
Okay, what're we talkin' about here?
All Chris told me was about this transfer order-- Holy shit!
Sean, please just don't tell anybody.
[Lou walks in]
Chris is his lover man-- guy.
I can explain, Lou. Just please don't let anybody else know.
[Franco walks in]
Yeah tell me something I don't know. [looks up from his book] Oh, you mean gay, gay.
Every morning I'd pass by the construction guys out there on my way to work and there was this one guy-- Chris and I noticed him a couple of times. And one day, when I was passin' by, he sorta like smiled at me.
Okay, I think I'm gonna puke.
Well, it freaked me out too. Every morning he'd gimme this like smile. And one day when I stepped out and he wasn't there--
Did you check the end of your cock? [everyone laughs]
Lou, let him talk. Go ahead, kid.
And he was gone and I sorta liked missed him.
Alright, my balls just went up behind my lungs.
I don't know how to describe the way I was feeling. Y'know, he was a nice guy... and-- and, we started talkin' and I guess I was like lonely or something and I moved into his place and it was great at first... then it got weird.
And then it got weird, because I was wonderin' when that was gonna kick in.
And he was into me that way, and that's when the blow jobs started... and it freaked me out at first. Yeah, and I knew it wasn't right for me--- he's gone, I'm not with him. I-I-I left, it's over, and that's the whole story.
Bullshit, Mikey. What about the transfer?
I filled the form out but I never turned it in, did I?
Oh, cut the shit, Mike, you already got your new house all picked out.
Because he's playin' for their softball team.
Yeah, your boyfriend Chris, he told me that you were battin' for the other team. edit »
I don't want him showerin' with us that's for sure. It's nothing personal, Mike. I just don't need you starin' at my hang down like it's an a la carte special at the Chez Homo.
Yeah, and I don't wanna know about your new boyfriends, or your new clothes, or nights out at the disco, or Liza Minnelli, or ass toys. It's off limits from now on.
I'm not gay. I didn't do anything sexual to him. I'm totally into chicks, and I'm seein' this girl over the past coupla weeks--
Y'know, if this is how it's gonna be, if I can't make a little mistake in my personal life then maybe I should transfer.
Hey, hey, kid come here. Guys, better or worse, I think we all consider ourselves a family here, correct? Now whether, Mike's a fag. Sorry, Mike. Or not he's, he's part of that family, correct? I think y'know, as a firefighter he's been startin' to pull his own weight. Y'know and maybe he acts a little faggy from time to time. Sorry, Mike. But y'know, in the shit he's been learnin', he's been performin', y'know Johnny Stack would not be alive today if it wasn't for Mikey. Now, as far as it goes in the house, I trust the kid, y'know, I feel like if I'm stuck somewhere on the job, I feel like he's got me, y'know, he's got me-- covered. Come here kid. [they hug] I got no problem with this.
[whispers] Ten bucks says Mikey's hard.
