KKenny
Oh, please, the word 'sex' just makes me wanna crawl into a hole and die.
Why the nun still goin' full steam?
KKenny
Gentlemen, if you ever get the chance of becoming romantically involved with a nun, brace yourself. All those years she was saving herself for the Lord, not indulging in sex, well, when that dam breaks and it breaks in a big way. Its like a tsunami, only instead of water, you get hit with sex. Exotic positions, rubbing, touching, sucking, probing--
Tommy[walks in] The tsunami speech again?
KKenny
I mean, the wave just keeps coming, destroying everything in it's path. Oh, what I wouldn't give for two hours of straight sleep.
Tommy
[Nona kisses Tommy] Whoa, that's fast. Uh… it's just that we haven't--- uh….
Are you wiggin' out because I carried you out of the fire? Because it's my job.
Tommy
Well, it's not really your job. I mean, you're a volunteer.
And that's makin' it harder for you, isn't it?
Tommy
I-I uh… I-I'll be completely honest with you. … I just think that it would be so much more special if we… just you know, waited.
Tommy
Wh--?
No, no, really. Get out of my truck.
Tommy
No, no, but I'm serious.
Yeah, are you gay? You're gay.
Tommy
I'm -- I'm gay my wife is right up--
Oh, whatever, princess. Just get out. I'll call 'ya, but not after 11. I wouldn't wanna upset your mom.
Oh my God, this is it. This is the end of the line.
Tommy
W-W-What?
Yeah, no. I've heard about this. Tommy, you have never not gotten it up for me.
Tommy
Honey... Honey, I just need to uh... what?
Tommy, I get wet, you get hard. You get hard, I get wet. That's the deal. That's been the deal for 20 something years. It may as well been our marriage vows.
I'm just looking for a positive take on marriage, but apparently I'm out of luck, huh?
Tommy
No, actually, you're not. I'm the perfect guy for you right now. I know, I know, I know. I mean, all these years I've been talking about Janet about how crazy she is and how illogical and nonsensical, and how she... never ever is gonna be satisfied with everything.
Tommy
It turns out I was right. Yeah, but it's not just her. It's pretty much all woman. That's what I-- Yeah, but the problem is, I was approaching it the wrong way, yeah. I was thinking about you know, me and sex-- By the way, the sex thing is the key... sex really has nothing to do with marriage. Tits, ass, sex... just throw that out the window. The key stuff is... listening. You gotta be able to listen, and have long conversations that-- that you remember, um... hugging.
Tommy
Yeah, hugging's a big one. Buying furniture. And what's the other one? Oh, spooning. Yeah.
Okay. Now, let me get this straight: You, Tommy Gavin, one of the all-time, hall of fame type, pussy hounds in the history of the FDNY, in my opinion, you are tellin' me that I should forget about ass, forget about tits, forget about sex and focus on... uh... caring and sharing and listening and... hugging, and uh...
Tommy
Spooning.
Right. I mean, this what's making your marriage work?
Tommy
Yep. That and the fact that my dick doesn't apparently work with any other women. [sighs] It really sucks. But, you know, if I were you, I'd pull the trigger as fast I can, pal. Get yourself hitched.
Mikey, what the hell's the matter with you? Are you okay? Mikey?
Lou, I'm a grown man and I-I don't even know how to use a dryer. She did everything for me, you know, guys. And I never even thanked her. I mean, I thanked her, like you know, I said 'thanks, mom', but they were just words. I didn't really mean it, you know, I just said it so she'd do it again. Like make my bed, or cook me breakfast, or pick out my clothes... Lou, you make one gay joke and I swear.
Mikey, I'm not gonna make a gay joke.
What, then? [Kenny hugs him, and the Mike walks off]
Tommy
I can't believe you uh, didn't make one gay joke during that whole little monologue.
Well, Jesus, Tom. The kid just lost his mother, you know? Can we not give him a little bit of time.
Tommy
Alright, so, first thing tomorrow morning...
Oh, yeah. We attack him at dawn.
Tommy
Alright. How many gay jokes do you think you have?
Oh, I got a dozen right in the back of my mind.
Jesus Christ, Jerry. Shit. I mean, there's no other way?
You know, you just don't get it, Franco.
No, you're damn right we don't, Lou. Come on.
You know why? You know why you don't get it? Because you're young and the future is your friend, you know, and your eyes work and your cocks work, and the way you guys think you're gonna be on the job forever eatin' smoke, and it don't work that way, boys.
Okay, so if I get a little older, a little sick, I should just kill myself? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
You know what? It was Jerry's life and he was unhappy and he made a choice. And obviously it was a pretty severe choice, but you wanna know somethin'? I give the guy all the respect I have for going out on his own terms.
Yeah, well, I don't. I think he was a goddamn coward.
I'm just sayin' how I feel, Lou.
[to Tommy]' Do you hear this shit?
Tommy
Yeah, except that I kinda agree with him.
Well, then screw you, too.
Tommy
Well, he was a coward.
Tommy
He was afraid. Afraid of workin' behind that desk down at down at headquarters for the next five or--
Oh, come on, Tom. That's your excuse for the guy?--
Tommy
Shut up, asshole! What do you got eight years on the job? (Sean goes to say something) Shut up! Christ almighty. You know how much he hated being the Chief, huh? Watching us run into jobs while he stood outside, but he did it. You know why? So he could teach assholes like, (points to Sean and Franco) you and you what the job was really about. When he was working up in the Bronx, when the Bronx was burning, huh? You ever hear about those days, huh? They'd get 10, 12, 14 jobs a night! Shithead. He ran into a job up on 279th street, he pulled three kids in wheelchairs out in somethin' like 15 minutes. You know why? Because the rest of his crew was busy bringing old people out. There was a cold storage warehouse fire up there one night and the Chief on the job that night shut the job down because it was 'too hot for humans'. You know what Jerry did? He ran around the side of the building, went in the side door, pulled out two drunken assholes, ends up the two same assholes who started the goddamn fire! And he was working then, without a mask, running in and out of the building with a cigar danglin' out of his mouth. You wanna talk about being brave and who's a coward and who's not a coward? Suck my cock. Wanna talk about being brave? When he was workin' up in the Bronx, he used up all the goddamn brave he had.
Tommy
It's not you, okay? It's uh... It's uh, I've been, uh, since around the time that you pulled me out of that fire, I was having the same problem with this chick I was seein' then.
Tommy
And it's just become this whole mental thing, I just-- I mean, normally, I'm tellin' 'ya a strong breeze could get me hard.
Oh, good. Let's open the window, then.
Tommy
[on the phone] Listen, you gotta give me a second chance here, okay?
I need a man to handle me the way I handled you last night, okay?
Tommy
Okay, you know what, I was planning on doing plenty of man handling but when we got inside that truck, you were like a crazed animal, you grabbed me, you ripped my shirt open, I- I just kinda-- I was just following in your wake, you know? You were throwing me around like I was a rag doll, treating me like I was some kind of sex toy. At that one point when you flung me from the back seat of the truck to the front seat, I-- I mean, my neck almost snapped in half. I really--
Look, Tommy, I don't wanna hear about death and feelings and penis problems. Look, I wanna be used, I wanna be ignored, I wanna be taken for granted.
Tommy
There are no penis problems, okay? And I'm telling you something, when it comes to using and ignoring those are like two of my best things. And takin' chicks for granted? I'm the king of takin' chicks for granted. I mean, ask my wife, ask Sheila, okay? She'll tell 'ya.
Ugh. Good bye, Tommy. [hangs up]
[after they are told they can't have anything with sexual, racial, religious, or ethnic themes in their lockers] Look, now I don't know about you guys, but I need naked chick pictures in my locker, alright? You know, I come back from a job and I'm thinking about rubbing one out in the shower. Looking at an American flag ain't gonna grease the rails, you know what I mean? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the American flag, but I'm used to saluting it, not jerkin' off to it.
Whoa, wait a second. You're jerkin' off in this shower here?
Tommy
I'm buyin' flip flops, like six pairs.
[about Jerry's ashes] You know, what if it's not really the Chief in there?
You know, the kid's got a point. I mean, it's ashes, for all we know it could be Anna Nicole Smith.
Tommy
Well, does silicone burn?
All women play mind games about sex.
Tommy
S-so, when you told me that I was the best...
Tommy
An-And what about that time, you told me that, I-I lasted the longest?
Also depends on the night.
Tommy
And that whole thing about me being the biggest?
Oh, well that part was true. [Tommy's expression changes] See how easy that is?
Tommy
Where's her lunch?
Oh, yeah, I forgot that this morning, but she can just grab something at school.
The food at school tastes like poo.
Well, how would you know what poo tastes like?
Tommy
Okay, do me a favor. Use your imagination for something a little more constructive, like, reading or writing, okay? [hands her money] Okay, have a good day. Say good bye to your brother.
Tommy
He's supposed to smell like poo, he's a baby.
[on the phone] So, I saw the baby fire in the news.
Tommy
Jesus Christ. The baby fire? They're still callin' it the baby fire, I guess. You know, why don't they call it the '16 appliances plugged into one wall socket fire', how about that, huh?
Yeah, I know, Tom. I'm just sayin' what they're sayin.
Tommy
Or how about 'God doesn't really give a shit about poor black kid's fire', how about that name, huh? It's unbelievible to me, it really is. What was God thinkin' here, Mick? What do you think? What did he have in mind?
We don't know. Maybe he was showin' his mercy, maybe he was savin' these kids from a fate far worse down the line somewhere. Either way, it's out of our hands.
Tommy
Well, lemme tell 'ya somethin', okay? We carried those goddamn kids out in our goddamn hands because their moron parents plugged in faulty space heaters because they were tryin' to keep warm, 'cause their shit-ass landlords were too cheap to keep the goddamn heat on. God had nothin' to do with it, okay? God doesn't even venture into the equation, okay? But according to your theory, I guess God had Connor run over by a drunk driver, why? So he can spare him the fate, of maybe having cancer of the ass when he was 42 years old? Is that what's goin' on, Mick?
Or maybe because of his DNA he becomes a raging alcoholic and gets behind the wheel with a load on and runs over somebody else's innocent kid 15 years from now. Maybe that's what's happenin'. Did you ever think of that, huh? Tom? ... Tom?
Tommy
Yeah. Nobody knows nothin', Mick. Not until it happens.
You're wrong. Everything happens for a reason.
Tommy
You're tryin' to get me to date the Chief's daughter, aren't you?
Tommy
Yes!
Tommy
Yes!
Tommy
Yes.
Yes, I am. Yeah, look it's a career move, Tom. Number one, you're takin' out the Chief's goddamn daughter, okay? Number two, you're gettin' my ass out of the fire. Number three, you're winning very valuable brownie points with Lou. Okay, look, I know I owe you 5 grand from the Great Lou Depression of last year. If you take her back, I will pay you back 7 grand. [Tommy moves closer to him] You take her out and I'm gonna give you back, 7,500 dollars. [Tommy moves closer] I'm gonna give you-- Aw, Christ, Tommy, you know I don't have that kinda money. Why don't you say something?
Tommy
He asked you first, didn't he?
Tommy
Yes!
Tommy
Yes.
Tommy
Yes, yes. Yeah, I knew. I knew. Yeah.
Rescue Me · 279 quotes
