Because. We're about to beat The Hammer.
WHAT?! (SLAM) NOBODY can beat The Hammer! It's impossible!
Pfft! Not for us! Will you let us borrow your TV or not?
Yeah. You can borrow it... if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like.
He's blue, with a black mullet.
[Fives scrolls thru Video Game Power Mag to see stats for The Hammer]
Yeah, you can borrow it. So we can watch you LOSE!! Ahaha! WOOO!!! WOOHOO!!! This is gonna be hilari-uhh! (CRUNCH!!)
[beat]
MRMordecai and Rigby
We gonna party!
Got some chips, got some dip!
Some call me cheap, bit of a free loada, but I bought cups for that old school soda!
I dont need to brag, I dont mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini toasts!
Why are you guys yelling "hummus"?
What!? Why would you wanna pay $50 to some dude to come to our house? What's he even gonna do? He's just gonna come and eat all our food.
Do you have a better idea?
Yes. I do. [he inserts a tape and starts playing a funky electronic tune, but Skips, Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost and Pops don't like it] YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEAAAHHH!!!!!
Pops. Yo, Pops. I found your Mustache Monthly. (Puts Pops' Moustaches Monthly on a chair and turns his head around, before seeing Pops, just out of the shower and naked.) AAAAAGH!
Aaaaagh! (In all the confusion, he now catches a glimpse of Pops' "junk mail".)
Aaaaagh! (Pops covers his "junk mail" with his hat. Mordecai covers his eyes. They both try to leave but they're in each other's ways".)
(breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...
(breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...
(Mordecai finally escapes Pops' room as Pops goes into his bathroom. Mordecai goes downstairs and sits on the couch.)
Stop playing for a second. When I went upstairs, Pops was getting out of the shower.
And he didn't have a towel.
I tried not to look and just give him the magazine, but I saw his...
His junk mail? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
No, dude, I'm mentally scarred. It's like the image is glued in the inside of my eyelids. Every saggy, wrinkled, shriveled, pasty...
Whoa, whoa! Don't put it in my head!
This is your fault! You have to help me!
I'll help you to forget it if you promise to stop talking about it.
(They shake hands.)
If this doesn't take your mind off of Pops, nothing will.
What, coffee? Thanks, dude, but I don't see how...
(turns Mordecai's face to the other way) No, dude. Margaret.
(While taking an order) So, that's 2 sandwiches and one soda.
(Mordecai does a love stare.)
(while shaking Mordecai) Hmmm? Hmmm? Hmmm? Hmmm?
(pushes Rigby) All right. It worked.
Hey, guys! (Mordecai stares dreamily at her until seeing her face looks like Pops) Can I get you something to drink, Mordecai?
Trust me, man. This will make you forget.
(covering his eyes) No, no. I'm not looking at anything ever again. Every time I open my eyes, I see Pops naked.
No! (Rigby grabs Mordecai's arms.)
Look at it! Look at it! Look at it!
Get off! I'm not looking at a stupid-- (Mordecai opens his eyes wide and sees Planet Chasers: Starlight Excellent)
(Rolls of film fly out of Mordecai's eyes and into the bright TV screen)
(Each film cell shows a piece of Mordecai's memory)
(when the film's over, Mordecai groans and mumbles incoherently)
Mordecai! Do you remember seeing Pops naked? Pops naked? Nude? In the buff? Naked Pops, naked Pops, naked Pops! Awesome! Dude, it totally worked! Up high! Let's... get you some coffee.
Snacks disappearing from the snack bar, holes in the walls — $500 worth of prank phone calls?! It's ridiculous! What are you doing to my park, Beenteen?
But, sir, it's not my fault. It's Mordecai and Rigby. It's right here on my report.
Are you my park manager, Beanteen?
Then everything that happens here is your fault!
Well... yes, technically, but—
...Everything that happens here is my fault.
[a white limo crashes through the left side of the office!]
[Mordecai rolls down the window]
Sorry, Benson, remember how I told you I can drive stick? Well, I'm a little rusty.
I told you that you should've let me be the one to park it!
Why are they driving my car when I specifically TOLD YOU TO PARK IT?!!
I did, sir, but I delegated it to Mordecai and Rigby.
Uhh, this is getting a little awkward, so we're gonna take off. [backs away]
[the limo then falls onto the side of the house, bleeping]
That's it! Emergency meeting tomorrow! Things are going to change around here.
[The next day, outside the house...]
I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to work, so let me make this brief. Beancan, you're being demoted.
Everyone, this is Susan. She'll be taking over Beanton's duties at the park.
SSusan
Thank you, Mr. Maellard. First, I'd like to thank Benson for agreeing to step down from his position.
SSusan
I know this park's productivity has been inadequate for a long time. But now that I'm here, we're gonna get this park back in working order the Susan way. So, Pops and Skips, I need you to clean the north end fountain. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are on snack bar duty. Mordecai and Rigby AND Benson, you guys will be raking the leaves.
Come on, Benson! We gotta rake these leaves, dude.
Look, you're bummed out about getting demoted, but if you give it a chance, you'll see it's not that bad.
No, it's not, you're just in a bad mood. Look, you just need to take your mind off it for a while and have some fun.
Yeah, man, we can come back later and finish these leaves.
Ahah! This is so typical. You get bored so you just slack off instead of finishing your work.
It's not slacking, we're just taking a break. And besides, it's not like you're working that hard anyway.
Yeah, you're raking like an old man that has a fatter old man holding his arms down.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE RAKING NOW, OKAY?!
What if Susan catches us? She'll probably fire us for not working!
Dude, just calm down. We'll just pretend like we're working until she goes away.
Yeah, right! Like anyone would ever fall for that!
Agh, fine! As long as it gets me out of raking these leaves!
[a montage with a rock instrumental starts playing. Mordecai and Rigby try to get Benson to eat cereal with them, but he crosses his arms and turns away from them. Later, Rigby tries to get Benson to read a comic with them. Again, Benson crosses his arms, and looks away. When Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson start playing stick hockey, only then does Benson start to smile and have fun. For the rest of the montage, Benson relaxes in the fountain, plays video games while eating pizza, does donuts on the lawn, slingshots water balloons at Muscle Man, slides down hills on an ice cube, and chugs soda.]
See? I told you all you needed was a break! Now do you feel like getting back to work?
Wait, what? Dude, we have to go back to work eventually!
Yeah, right! I'm never working again!
No, seriously, we have to go back to work. Susan's coming.
Hah! What's she gonna do?
SSusan
Why aren't you all working?
[nervously] Oh! Uh...we were just washing Maellard's car! Haha, see, we're washing it! Hahah...! Come on, Benson, we're washing the car now.
SSusan
Benson, why aren't you working?
[lazily] Cause I don't feel like it.
SSusan
Get back to work, or I'll fire you.
I've wasted my whole life at a dead-end job, and I'm not wasting another second working for you. So go ahead and fire me.
SSusan
Okay, Benson, YOU'RE FIRED!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!
Uh, actually Benson, we need this.
Yeah, we need the money, man.
Oh, well, suit yourselves, I guess, but my life is happening right now, and I'm gonna go live it! Sayonara, suckers! WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOO, WOOO!
SSusan
[angrily] You two! Get back to work! Faster! And you, sweep those stairs! And you, with the big head, finish those windows! Faster, faster, faster, faster, FASTER! [Susan walks away from the cart as two of them work.] Rigby l don't want to work for Susan. Mordecai [Somewhow grew blonde hair tied back in a bun, like Susan.] Dude l know. [Zoom closer into Mordecai's head.] Mordecai, Rigby said.
Thank you, Benson, keep up the good work.
Alright, alright! Everybody back to work. We've gotta get this mess cleaned up, now! (everyone but M&R walk off) And that means you Mordecai and Rigby. (hands Mordecai a broom and Rigby a shovel) You better keep working after I'm gone, because if I come back, and you're not, you're fired!
(Benson gets in the cart and drives away.)
Haha, yeah, good to have you back, Benson! (to Rigby) You wanna go play video games?
(Benson looks at the duo walk up the steps in the car's rear-view mirror.)
Ahhh... It's good to be back.
[reads Darthon manual] "Your party walks down a long hallway and reaches a locked door. What do you do?"
I smash it open with my war claw! Then, a bunch of ladies come out and they're all, "Ooh, Muscle Man! Quit pinching my butt with your war claw!"
[reads] "Roll the 50-sided die to see if you unlock the door."
All we have is a 48-sided die and two marbles.
Close enough. [Muscle Man chucks the die and marbles]
Huh! [the die and marbles roll onto the floor] Did it work?
Mordecai, Mordecai! [western accent] Well, I reckon I'd like a turn now!
Cyborg cowboys take three days to awaken from hypersleep. Sorry, Pops.
Can't he cast a saving throw?
What does all this stuff mean? Are we even IN Darthon yet?
Or is that just an artifact or something?
Uhh... [shuts book] "Your party is suddenly ambushed by a flock of man-bats!" Skips the Mighty gets first strike.
[rolls die and marbles] Hi-yah!
Let's see. Pirate samurai have +2 constitution, -3 charisma, divide by number of geese... Do we have a protractor?
Aah!! Dude, they're RIGHT! This game sucks!
Let's get our money back.
Pops! Where have you guys been?
We were hiding in the armor closet, then suddenly we were in the stock room at Shoe Farm.
Good thing it was worth it! Seven bones, baby!
$7.00?[outraged] WE ALMOST DIED FOR $7.00?!!
The numbers aren't important!
Yeah, if we're gonna spend that kinda money, it's gotta be on a COOL game!
Yeah, something like "Trail of Elderitch" or "The Lair of Anthelon".
Yeah, it came out last week.
BBoth
[run back into store] Yeah-hah!
[Mordecai and Rigby are cleaning out the gutters of the house]
[picks up the dirty leaves and puts them into a bucket] Augh! This is the worst.
I don't know, I kind of like it up here. The world seems different at this height. It makes me feel like a giant! [roars]
What? Look, we're not up here to enjoy the view, so will you just come and help me clean these gutters?
I'm helping, I'm holding the hose. Look, I'm taking a giant leak. [positions the hose to his crotch, turns it on and pretends to pee while moaning]
Yeah, well, you don't need those gloves to hold the hose. (holds up hands) Look at this dude. Come on, let me wear them!
Sorry, man, you should have thought about that before you threw paper, and lost to my scissors.
[facepalms] Augh! Whatever, dude. Just hose this stuff off.
[Rigby hoses the leaves out of the gutter. A cassette tape is launched into the air and hits Mordecai in the head and falls to the ground]
[annoyed] Agh! What the heck?!
[picks up and inspects the dirty tape] Weird, it's a tape. Wonder what it's doing up in the gutter.
Maybe it fell out of a plane.
Nah, it's probably just trash. I wanna see how far I can chuck it.
Don't you wanna see what band it is?
Oh, okay. [uses his thumb to wipe the dirt off of the tape, revealing the words "Solid Bold"] Solid Bold? [gets annoyed] Augh, it's that single of that summertime song.
"Summertime Loving: Loving in the Summer (Time)"?
[looks at the tape] Yeah.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! [runs up to Mordecai and grabs the tape] Aw, this is my jam right here!
[annoyed] What? This song sucks.
Nah, you were all into it too, I remember.
Yeah, just for that one summer in junior high and then I realized how lame it was.
Whatever, man. Once we pop this into the stereo, all the good memories will come flooding back, and you'll see. You'll see who's jam it is.
[turns his back on Rigby and crosses his arms] I'm not listening to that trash.
You need to get your mind out of these gutters, and into the summer.
Fine, but only because I want to take a break.
