UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
[leaps in front of the Park gang] Howdy, folks! [Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson scream in surprise] Welcome to UMÄK's intergalactic flagship. Your stores for modern furniture that's not only inexpensive, it's durable, too!
MRMordecai & Rigby
[laughing] Wooden butt.
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
And make sure you check out our cafe and have one of our famous meatball subs! Iiit's meat!
What's the question mark for?
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Never mind that, here's a map. [gives Eileen a map before she opens it]
There. Beds. Sector 1-15-Z. Is that far?
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Yes! Now you better get movin'!
[as Rigby rides on a roller coaster bed] Rigby, there's no way I'm buying that bed!
RigbyOh, come on! It's the thrill you've always wanted on a bed.
[looking at an iron bed] I'm not sure about this one.
[The iron bed scans Pops, making a hole shaped like him, and he tries it out]
Rigby
What the heck is this thing?
[Rigby goes inside the teleporter and disappears]
Rigby! Are you okay? Rigby! Oh no! Oh no! Oh Rigby.
Rigby
Dude!
Don't do that! Wait, how did you get all the way over here?
Rigby
I don't know. I was over here and it was this flash and light, then I was over there to that pod.
Dude, do you know what this is?
Dude, I don't think we're supposed to go through together.
Rigby
What are you talking about?
I don't know. What if we got messed up or something?
Rigby
Whatever, man, we're fine.
Still, I just don't think it's a good- [screams]
Rigby
What?
Rigby
[with Mordecai's tail feathers] Aw, what? I got your butt?
[with Rigby's tail; annoyed] Oh, great. Now I'm the one-cheek wonder. I don't want your messed up butt.
Rigby
Don't make fun of my butt!
Man, how do you walk with this thing? It's all lopsided.
Rigby
You're lopsided!
What is going on in here? Look at this mess! I knew I couldn't trust you guys with inventory.
No, Benson. We're almost done!
No, you are done. And… what is this?
What is what? I don't know what you're talking about.
Rigby
Yeah, Benson. It's a free country.
Whatever. Just go outside and rake the leaves.
Rigby
Just give us five minutes!
No, now! (turns red) Move it! [locks the door] Of all the idiotic things I do around here.
[looks at Rigby, now as tall as his brother] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, now it's even worse!
Rigby
I don't know, man. I'm kind of into it. I'm finally as tall as my brother. Eat it, Don, wherever you are!
Rigby! [Rigby wakes up with a startled gasp] We're rocketing through space at warp speed, and you're asleep at the controls?!
Rigby
It's on autopilot. That means I don't have to push any buttons. And believe me, I tried to push a lot of different buttons.
Eileen, how close are we to the rendezvous point?
We should be coming out of warp right about... [presses a button causing the dome to exit warp drive] now.
Maybe Buttons McGee over here sent us to the wrong coordinates.
Wow, Skips, that's a really insightful name for Rigby.
Thanks. I've been reading some books.
Wait. What's that? [twists a knob to zoom in]
FCFemale Computer Voice
Alpha Dome found. Piloted by Mary Stone, John…
Rigby
It's the first dome sent into space.
Then why were you asking?
I wasn't asking. I was just surprised.
It sounded like you were asking.
[the spaghettified Muscle Man, Rigby, Mordecai and meatball Pops are wrung around a fork held by a suited man]
Good evening. I'm astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
PMPops/Muscle Man/Rigby/Mordecai
Why can't you save us?! / Help us, bro! / What are you, just save us! / Save us!
NDNeil deGrasse Tyson
Oh, you can't be saved now. You see, when you enter the black hole's event horizon, your destiny was sealed... by science, and then finished up by me, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
PMPops/Muscle Man/Rigby/Mordecai
Nooo!!
NDNeil deGrasse Tyson
Sorry, guys, it's nothing personal. This is just how the universe works. Spaghettification is real. [eats the spaghetti, burps] And delicious! Happy Halloween!
[Mordecai and Rigby are hiding in a nearby bush watching over Earl]
Rigby
Yeah! I think Earl's a big fat fraud!
[suddenly, Earl appears behind them]
Oh, you got something to say?
Rigby
Yeah, when are you gonna teach him something useful?
Rigby
Whatever, dude. While you're folding socks, Anti-Pops is probably off somewhere learning how to shoot fire out of his fingers!
You're really hung up on that fire out of the fingers thing.
Rigby
Because it's cool!
Remind me again, how many intergalactic champions have you trained, huh? Is it zero? It's zero. Right? [he pokes Rigby with his stick twice] Right?
Rigby
Knock it off, dude!
[laughs] I bet you couldn't even knock this lemonade out of my hand. Huh? Huh? Huh? [he pokes Rigby three times with his stick, Rigby focuses on the glass of lemonade in Earl's hand, then runs towards him screaming, Earl jumps into the air, performs a backflip, and lands on Rigby's head, balancing perfectly still and laughs] I could stand here all day. You make a nice foot stool.
[Rigby punches Earl's foot, but in return he is hit on the back with Earl's stick, he falls to the floor as Earl jumps off him then spins his stick in the air while laughing, before holding it against Rigby's head]
Rigby
Okay! You're legit!
[Earl laughs as he takes a sip of lemonade]
Our bees about to be stung, and by that, I mean our butts.
Anti-Pops forever grows in power. We must hasten our training.
How are we gonna do that? Even with everyone helping, it's still going slow.
Have you heard of the ancient technique of... training montaaage?!
Rigby
Montage?
Masters of it could condense time and space to train faster. They could skip right over the parts where they took a break to pee or fart.
Rigby
Wait, that sounds familiar.
Oh, yeah! It's a film technique in which a collection of shots cut with wipes and dissolves in quick succession as used to condense space and time. I went to art school.
Yes, exactly! By doing this, they will able to do weeks of training in mere days to reach the next level.
Rigby
Is Pops gonna level up like in a video game?!
[Mordecai and Rigby are both sleeping in their room, when they are both suddenly woken up by the song playing once again]
Rigby
Ugh, it's so early.
[in the kitchen, Mordecai and Rigby are eating breakfast, groaning at the repetitive nature of the training and the song. Pops suddenly teleports in as part of the montage to write his signature, knocking both Mordecai and Rigby to the floor. Later, Mordecai and Rigby are both walking through the park, when Pops suddenly teleports in front of them as part of the montage, and punches them repeatedly with his eyes closed]
Wait, stop! Pops! Wait! No! No!
Rigby
Pops! Wait! No! No!
[Mordecai and Rigby are playing video games in the living room, when Pops runs in with Earl on his back, he runs through the wires between the console and the controllers, causing the console to fall to the floor, and the controllers to be taken away with him]
Rigby
Hey!
[as a result, Mordecai and Rigby lose at the game they're playing]
Rigby
Aw, man!
Ugh, how long is this gonna take?
[Mordecai and Rigby walk into their room]
Rigby
Dude, I can't handle this song anymore.
He played it like 120 times. What are we gonna do?
Rigby
I got an idea, let's change the tunage.
Aah! Not again! Why do you ALWAYS disobey me?!
Rigby
Whatever, you're not my dad.
(Turning red) You know what, Rigby? You're... bad! You're a bad boy. And you HAVE been all year!
Rigby
Pssh. Name one time.
[Flashbacks to all the bad deeds Rigby has done.] Rigby... you... are a... bad... boy!
Rigby
Hey, man, no one's perfect.
Well, enough is enough! No Santa for you this Christmas. This year, you'll get a visit from Krampus.
Rigby
Who?
He's the Anti-Santa. Instead of giving presents, Krampus comes to punish all the bad children by stuffing them into his basket.
Rigby
Huh.
It's a European thing. I'm sending to him Email at you right now.
Rigby
You wouldn't do that! [messages him and gasps] You're ruining my life! [runs off]
You know, Krampus isn't real, right?
Oh, I know, just trying to scare him.
Rigby
[singing] Breakfast cake, cake, cake cake cake. Ca-ca-ca-cake! Ca-ca-ca-cake! Ca-ca-ca-cake! Ca-ca-ca-cake! [he sees everyone in the dining room doing nothing] Where's cake?
Rigby
Where's Pops?
He left a note. [gives the note to Rigby]
Rigby
[reads the note] "Dear friends, I've gone to see my evil brother. Cake fixes everything. You'll see. Sincerely, Pops."
He's going to get himself killed.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
