A character in Regular Show
Played by William Salyers
Regular Show · 562 quotes
Most-quoted character in Regular Show: in 322 of its 562 quotes
Most scenes with: Mordecai (230), Benson Dunwoody (122), Muscle Man Sorrenstein (52)
Dudes! Dudes, I need your help!
RigbyWhoa, whoa, whoa! Chill out, Muscle Man.
Yeah, have a soda.
Here ya go!
This isn't the time for soda! This "Starla" thing is freaking me out! I see her everywhere! In my soup, in my chicken nuggets, it's driving me crazy! If I don't get some help, I'm gonna call her and she's gonna dump me!
Dude, it's only for the weekend. We'll help you through this.
RigbyYou can count on us!
Thanks, guys.
Well well well well. Looks like it's time for a little payback. Let's see how they like it when somebody steal their OWN sandwich. [grabs the Death Sandwich and took a bite of Death Sandwich.]
[As Mordecai and Rigby enter the kitchen, they see Benson choking with his face all green when he took a bite of the Death Sandwich]
Whoa. Benson, are you okay?
RigbyIt really is a Death Sandwich!
[choking] Death Sandwich?! Why would you buy something that kills people?!
RigbyWhy would you eat somebody's sandwich?!
Come on guys, this is serious. We gotta get Benson a cure for the Death Sandwich before it's too late.
You guys have all your assignments for today. Oh, and don't forget that tonight is Game Night.
Aw, yeah! Game Night!.
RigbyWhat are we playing?
Yeah, Skips. What are we playing?
Tonight, we will be playing Drawsome.
Alright. I love me some Drawsome. Who else is showing up to this Drawsome event?
I got a giant baby, Gary, and my cousin Quips.
Ugh!
What?
Your cousin Quips is annoying.
RigbyYeah, man. He's always telling lame jokes.
What are you guys talking about?
Come on. Every other word out of that guy's mouth is some annoying joke.
RigbyYeah. Some joke that isn't funny.
Come on, guys! His jokes aren't that bad.
And then he said, "Yes, I do!" (laughs) Alright, seriously, last one, 'cause I got to go. What? Hey, wait! I didn't even get to finish my punchline! Aw, well. He's probably already heard my routine. Heeey, who's ready for some funny?
Ugh!
You guys all remember my cousin Quips.
Hey, Quips.
Hey, Benson. Nice to see ya. Speaking of "see ya", what did one ocean say to the other ocean? "Sea ya later!" (laughs)
I don't get it.
Oh, well, an ocean is a body of water and the sea is also—
I don't care.
A little more care will give you a little more hair. Zingo!
Ugh!
Hello, Quips.
Pops, looking good. In fact, you look amazing. Just a compliment. Don't get a big head. Oops! Too late! Zammo! And, of course, Muscle Man, you love the jokes. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-gulls! (laughs) I got a whole bait about bodies of water. What? You say you want another one?
We didn't say anything.
What did the lake say to the puddle?
Come on, Quips. Let's get you unpacked. You probably want to lie down after your trip.
Guess it's time to take this comedy show on the road. And by comedy show, I mean me! Zingo!
Dude, he's even worse than last time.
RigbyYeah, Skips. Tell your cousin that if he can't stop telling jokes, then he's gotta get out of here.
I can't just do that. I invited him here. No one told you to get rid of your brother Don when he visited.
RigbyThat's because everyone loved him! I tried to get rid of him!
Ugh! Alright, fine. I'll tell him soon.
Wow, guys. Those coughs sound pretty serious. You guys should see a doctor. Oh, that reminds me. Why did the clown go to the doctor? He was feeling a little funny!
Who is that?
He's our new friend. Dancing caveman.
Caveman? No, no. No way. I'm not having a caveman at the park. We aren't insured for it.
What?! That's not fair!
RigbyYeah, we can't just get rid of him!
A caveman cannot fit into this modern world.
[Caveman squeezes a ketchup bottle and mustard bottle into his mouth and he throw the bottles at Benson, who blocks them with the clipboard]
See?!
But he's one of us now!
Really? What's his name?
Uh…
Get rid of him!
RigbyBut he'll die out there alone! Come on, Benson.
Please?
Ben… son?
…Fine. You have a week to get him civilized.
Nice!
Thanks, Benson.
But if he isn't up to park standards in a week, I'm calling the pound!! [leaves]
We're gonna need some help.
Benson!
I saw everything. I had Greg all wrong! He gave it all up for true love. In a way, he was more civilized than all of us! Mordecai, Rigby, clean up this mess. Do it. (about to cry) Do it or you're fired!
Hoagie Sandwich! Hoagie Sandwich!
Squeeze out the Mustard, do it real quick!
RigbyA dab of Mayo, too much'd be sick!
Healthy veggies'll make this valid!
RigbyAnd don't forget the main ingredients so we don't confuse it with a salad!
Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!
A group of four fully grown Canadian Geese show up on the bridge. The Geese start attacking the lakeside, starting by scaring a couple away, pushing a squirrel off the bridge, and even dropping a giant rock on a paddle boat with a couple in it, breaking it and sending the couple into the lake. Two of the geese chest pound each other.
Those ruffians!! (Gets up and runs to the geese) Now see here, geese!! Your behavior is most uncouth! Now, I'm afraid- (Geese start pushing him around) Ahhhh! (runs away, sobbing)
RigbyHey, quit it! (The geese stare at the sandwich and Rigby realizes it.) PROTECT THE SANDWICH!
(The geese attack it and throw it in the trash can as Rigby jumps into Mordecai's arms.)
Rigby(Sobbing) WHYYY?
(The geese start punching the trash can, smashing it in the process, and rolls the trash can towards the three where it may have hit another trash can, sending some garbage flying in the air.)
Benson, something's gotta be done about those geese! Pops is locked in his room crying!
Yeah, we've been getting complaints. They're highly territorial war-like birds. Luckily, I got a couple guys who'll be takin' care of the problem.
Dude, awesome!
RigbyWho is it?
Couple of guys named Mordecai and Rigby.
What?!!
Maybe you don't understand, Benson, these geese — they're terrifying.
RigbyTerrifying!
I don't wanna hear it. DO IT OR YOU'RE FIRED!!
RigbyMan, you always say that. You're all talk, Benson.
HGNNN RAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
WAHHH!!!
[Benson chases them off his office]
Hey, Benson. How's it going?
RigbyWhat's up, man?
What did I tell you about using the park phone?!
Ugh! I feel something kind of damp.
RigbyYeah, I feel it, too. What do you think it is?
I don't know. Feels kind of like a wet blanket.
Very funny. Now hang it up and put the TV back in the living room!
Aw, come on, Benson!
RigbyWe really think we can do this.
I don't care. If I catch you trying this again, YOU'RE FIRED!
All right, Mr. Maellard gets back from vacation today, so I need you guys to clean the limousine.
RigbyWhy don't we just wait till it rains? That's how I clean myself.
[beat] I want it looking as good as new when he comes back this afternoon. That means washed, waxed and detailed, got it?
RigbyYeah, yeah, we got it.
So where are the keys?
Oh, you mean these keys?
Yeah.
Oh, no. I'll be holding on to these.
RigbyAw, what? How're we gonna listen to the radio then?
Your job isn't listening to the radio, it's to clean the car. Do it before Mr. Maellard gets Back or you're fired! (leaves)
RigbyGreat, no radio. This is gonna be so BOORRIIIIING!!!
[In the kitchen; Muscle Man calls K.I.L.I.T. Radio on the phone]
Hello, this is K.I.L.I.T Radio.
Yeah, I'd like DJ Donny G to play my...
To talk to a K.I.L.I.T representative, press 0. (Muscle Man presses 0) Are you calling in regard to a song you heard?
No, I wanna talk to somebody! (presses 0 several times) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!
I'm transferring you to our bilingual system.
NO! (Presses 0 Again) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!
Hola. llamas la Radio K.I.L.I.T.
(moves table & chair and groans) I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!!! (hits phone madly on the table, screaming in anger, Then Mordecai & Rigby come to Muscle Man)
Dude, Muscle Man, calm down!
UUUUGHH!!! I'm a failiure of a boyfriend! I can't even do something special for my girl!
Why don't we just go down to the radio station and find somebody to talk to?
RigbyYeah, maybe someone there can help you.
You're right, bros. I need to take this to the source.
RigbyWell, that was easy!
Yeah, we totally got the hook up from Donny G! Man, I can't wait to see Starla's face tonight. She's gonna be really appreciative. (Sees Donny G throw away the tape in his rearview mirror) [Gasps] OH NO BRO!
(Muscle Man gets out of the car,slamming the door behind him)
YO DONNY! (Closes car door and begins running towards Donny G) DONNY G!!!
Look man, it's not what you think.
It is what I think! Cause I saw you! I used to think that you were cool! You know something, I see D-player could do your job! But you know what, I still have a voice. (Takes the tape out of the trash can) And this voice, on this tape won't be silenced on YOU!
Shh, shh, shh.
I SAID I WON'T BE SILENCED!
Okay, okay. (glances at the security cameras warily) But, we can't talk here.
[After Thomas drank the Cool Cubed slushy in a Big Swig size cup and got a brain freeze, Dr. Henry arrives and he checks inside Thomas's ear]
Hmm. So, he drank a slushy, you said.
Yeah.
Did you make him drink it?
RigbyUh, maybe? [Dr. Henry glares sternly at him] Yeah, we did.
May I see the cup?
[Rigby gives him the cup. He checks it. Shaking his head, he makes a "tsk" sound]
Cool Cubed, Big Swig size, huh? This is quite a pickle. Well, I got some good news and bad news. (What do you wanna hear first?) (Rigby: Maybe the good news.) The good news is the core of Thomas's brain isn't completely frozen yet which means there's still a chance to thaw it out.
OK. What's the bad news?
The bad news is the Cool Cubed slushy is still very active. It's working its way into the brain core as we speak. If it gets there (and freezes it), Thomas's brain will stay frozen FOREVER!!!!
[Mordecai, Rigby and Pops gasp in shock]
What do we do?!
It's simple. I just shrink into little tiny people, then you go inside Thomas and stop the Cool Cubed slushy before it reaches the core. It's a dangerous procedure, but it's the only way to save him. Any volunteers?
RigbyWell, you and Pops have fun. [Mordecai annoyingly punches him]
No, dude, we got Thomas into this mess, so we're gonna go into Thomas and get that mess outta him! I think.
Rigby[notices a bowl containing an unknown substance] Dude, Muscle Man, what is that?!
Well, it used to be a bowl of chili. Now it's more of a house plant. [gets all unimpressed looks from the others; ashamed] Now you know how I live.
Everybody here?
RigbyEverybody except Fives.
Yeah, we should wait.
No time. Now you dudes should know this is gonna be dangerous. Ya wanna bail, I'll understand. [Thomas raises his hand] Yeah, Thomas?
Are we getting overtime for this?
NO!
Dude, it's not about overtime.
Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow? My family is having a barbecue. Wanna come?
RigbyFamily function?! Pass. I can't stand my own family barbecues, Why would I want to go to someone else's?
[elbows Rigby] She's not talking to you!
Um. So, how 'bout it? Hehe.
Sure. Sounds like fun.
Awesome! I'm really excited for you to meet everybody, especially my dad. I think you'll really like him. He pilots the traffic Helicopter for the local news.
RigbyWhat?!
Whoa! Your dad is Chopper Six?!
RigbyThat dude rules! [imitates Chopper Six] This is Chopper Six now flying over a ton of traffic. Bet all of you losers wish you were in this Chopper! WHOO! And then he flies over some burning truck in a fifty car pile up! So cool.
He is really cool, but don't let your guard down. Margaret's dad can be a pretty aggressive guy. It's common in such a male dominant profession. He even refuses to shake hands with any guy Margaret brings home.
Oh, come on! He's not that tough. He's super sweet when you get to know him.
Yeah. I'm sure we'll get along fine.
Well, we gotta get back to work. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay? [she and Eileen leave]
Later.
Great. See ya. I have to shake that guy's hand.
RigbyWhat, why?
Dude, it's a huge deal! I'm finally out of the friend zone, and now she's taking me to meet her parents.
RigbySo what? You wanna date Margaret, not her dad.
You don't get it, dude. If Margaret and I are gonna date, I need her dad to like me. [determined] I have to get that handshake.
MordecaiJ. G. Quintel · 310 quotes
Benson DunwoodySam Marin · 195 quotes
Muscle Man SorrensteinSam Marin · 88 quotes
Pops MaellardSam Marin · 58 quotes
SkipsMark Hamill · 53 quotes
Eileen Roberts-RiggersonMinty Lewis · 42 quotes
Hi-Five GhostJ. G. Quintel · 23 quotes
Margaret SmithJanie Haddad-Tompkins · 23 quotes
C.JLinda Cardellini · 11 quotes
TThomas8 quotes
DRDon RiggersonJulian Dean · 7 quotes
ShermEddie Pepitone · 7 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Regular Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.