It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant. See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.
I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.
Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. Like this green, [points to Church's head] indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy.
If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it.
[points to Church's crotch] And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency. My bad, Church.
Oh, that's okay. I wasn't using it anyway.
Hey Blues! Uhp, I mean, blue, we're only gonna give you one chance to surrender.
Wha, why would I—[Sheila fires her cannon.] Hey, hold on a second, Sheila. Why would I Surrender?
[The Reds hide behind the rock and whisper something involving the word "sandwich".]
Uh, because you're outnumbered.
Bullshit, dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!
[The Reds whisper again.]
We also think that it's your turn to surrender.
Well, if you recall, first you surrendered and you gave us Doc, then we surrendered and we gave you the jeep so that means—
[Sheila fires her cannon against the rock.]
(quickly ducks behind rock) SON OF A BITCH!!!
Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!
[An akward silence ensues.]
...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.
Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do; they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. But you already knew that, right?
What? NO! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?!
Uhhh...I mean...uhhh—Alien baby?! Uh, that's shocking! I am just as shocked... as you are.
[Caboose contacts Church through the radio.]
Come in, Church. Come in.
Caboose, what did I tell you man?! You're not supposed to use the radio while O'Malley's here! Oh great. Now I'm on the radio too.
Oh that—that's what I'm calling to tell you. Um, the Reds already used their radio and...O'Malley is gone.
That's right, Blue! We've called in the cavalry! As we speak, the glorious Red Command is sending a ship to aid us! No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude! It's time to end this thing once and for all!
[Back at Blue base, Tucker is grunting as Doc tends to him.]
Congratulations, it's a...thing? Eugh.
ABAlien Baby
Honk honk, HONK! HONNNNK!
Oh, well that's the other thing I called about. Um...Tucker had his gross baby.
(about to lose it) He is not PREGNANT!
