Regroup, men! Grif, start passing out additional ammo!
GGrif
Uh...
Simmons! Pass out the ammo you brought because you knew Grif would forget!
[Simmons and Donut are arming their weapons] Already on it, sir!
DDoc
It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant. See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.
I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.
DDoc
Yeah also that.
And infectious diseases.
DDoc
Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. Like this green, [points to Church's head] indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy.
If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it.
DDoc
[points to Church's crotch] And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency. My bad, Church.
Oh, that's okay. I wasn't using it anyway.
Would this be a bad time to mention that my stomach just started hurting really bad?
DDoc
Oh, boy. Caboose, you better go boil some water.
How can you think of soup at a time like this?
Hey Blues! Uhp, I mean, blue, we're only gonna give you one chance to surrender.
Wha, why would I—[Sheila fires her cannon.] Hey, hold on a second, Sheila. Why would I Surrender?
[The Reds hide behind the rock and whisper something involving the word "sandwich".]
Uh, because you're outnumbered.
Bullshit, dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!
[The Reds whisper again.]
We also think that it's your turn to surrender.
WHAT!?
Well, if you recall, first you surrendered and you gave us Doc, then we surrendered and we gave you the jeep so that means—
Sheila, shut him up.
[Sheila fires her cannon against the rock.]
(quickly ducks behind rock) SON OF A BITCH!!!
Is that a no?!
Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!
[An akward silence ensues.]
GGrif
...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.
AAndy
Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do; they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. But you already knew that, right?
What? NO! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?!
AAndy
Uhhh...I mean...uhhh—Alien baby?! Uh, that's shocking! I am just as shocked... as you are.
[Caboose contacts Church through the radio.]
Come in, Church. Come in.
Caboose, what did I tell you man?! You're not supposed to use the radio while O'Malley's here! Oh great. Now I'm on the radio too.
Oh that—that's what I'm calling to tell you. Um, the Reds already used their radio and...O'Malley is gone.
(aggrivated) Oh my God.
That's right, Blue! We've called in the cavalry! As we speak, the glorious Red Command is sending a ship to aid us! No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude! It's time to end this thing once and for all!
[Back at Blue base, Tucker is grunting as Doc tends to him.]
DDoc
Congratulations, it's a...thing? Eugh.
ABAlien Baby
Honk honk, HONK! HONNNNK!
What. Was that.
Oh, well that's the other thing I called about. Um...Tucker had his gross baby.
It's not mine!
(about to lose it) He is not PREGNANT!
Donut! Get back here! Wait for the ship.
But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth! That could take days, weeks, months or even years!
[A Pelican aircraft lands on top of Donut and the Reds look on blankly for a second.]
Ship's here.
GGrif
[Quickly] Shotgun.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red vs Blue pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.