Arnold Rimmer quotes from Red Dwarf

Rimmer

Anything on M-Corp?

Kryten

They bought Earth in the late 26th century.

Rimmer

Bought Earth? Bought what exactly?

Kryten

They bought the entire planet, sir. And everything on it. Including fixtures and fittings. Oceans, countries, animals, houses, curtains, you name it. They even bought all the stuff nobody likes. Maggots, quicksand, even the American chocolate.

Cat

Where'd they get all the dough from?

Kryten

M-Corp owned all the electricity and oil and gas and wind. Even the rain water.

Rimmer

But the rain water belongs to Earth. To everyone and everything on it. My God, I've turned into a hippy.

Cat

And the Earth dudes just stood around and let this happen?

Kryten

Well, by then, M-Corp had introduced a law to tax thinking.

Cat

A Think Tax?

Rimmer

[Points to Cat] You'd have got a rebate every year.

Cat

Hey, hey! Officer Smegski!

Cat

How's it going, non bud!

Rimmer

I'm busy, don't disturb me. Last time you disturbed me, I was doing the safety check, and I failed to notice the diesel decks were flooded.

Cat

All I said was, "Help, I'm on fire."

Rimmer

[Looking at scanner screen] What is that?

Kryten

It appears that some kind of anomaly has penetrated our universe.

Rimmer

I hate people who use the word anomaly. They think they're so cool. "Oh look, here's an anomaly anomalling away. I'm really cosmologically on-trend because I know what anomaly means." It's just a fancy-schmancy word for Weird.

Kryten

Sir, something weird has penetrated our universe which appears to have caused a giant lesion across the space-time continuum. Is it okay to say "lesion" sir or would you prefer "cut"?

Rimmer

Lesions, cuts, they're both the same to me. It's people who say "continuum" that I can't stand.

Lister

I'm a nobody really. Come on guys, back me up here.

Kryten

Well, he's a nobody.

Cat

He's less than nobody!

Rimmer

An absolute zero.

Rimmer

[close to tears] You don't need me. I'm not sure you ever did. I don't exist. What's the point of me?

Lister

[desperately] Rimmer, we're the posse. We're the "Boyz" from the Dwarf. We're like the Four Musketeers. D'Artagnan, Porthos, Athos... and the other one. Rimmer, you're the other one.

Rimmer

I'm the other one?

Lister

You do all the stuff that the other one does.

Rimmer

And what's that, then?

Lister

Other one stuff!

Rimmer

Other one stuff? What's other one stuff?

Lister

All the stuff that the others haven't done that the other one does.

Rimmer

I'm pointless.

Lister

No you're not.