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Red Dwarf

“M-Corp” quotes from Red Dwarf

4 quotes

“M-Corp”

In this episode: Dave Lister (3), Kryten (2), Arnold Rimmer (1), The Cat (1)

[Singing a rendition of Happy Birthday to You] Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, Mr. Lister! Happy birthday to you!

[Waking up from bed] Today?

[Setting down a birthday cake] It's the big one, sir!

What, I'm thirty?

Kryten chuckles and lifts his arms indicating a higher number.

Forty?

Kryten chuckles and lifts his arms again.

Oh, what am I doing? I don't want to know! Don't want to know. Brain, I'm not listening. [Covering his ears and miming singing] La la la la la la la.

The years pass, but with them comes the soothing balm of new found grace and maturity.

The program on the monitor finishes updating and the JMC logo is replaced with that of M-Corp along with a melodic tune accompanying it.

M-Corp?

Aniter appears on the screen.

AAniter

Your company has been bought by M-Corp. You probably have a lot of questions. Who is M-Corp? What do we do? Let's find out together. M-Corp is the biggest multinational conglomerate in known space. We lead, we innovate using our patented M-Corp port technology. Your ship will now be stocked with a variety of M-Corp products to elevate your lifestyle in space.

Several white crates marked with the M-Corp logo materialize onboard the ship.

AAniter

M-Corp. We love looking after you!

Anything on M-Corp?

They bought Earth in the late 26th century.

Bought Earth? Bought what exactly?

They bought the entire planet, sir. And everything on it. Including fixtures and fittings. Oceans, countries, animals, houses, curtains, you name it. They even bought all the stuff nobody likes. Maggots, quicksand, even the American chocolate.

Where'd they get all the dough from?

M-Corp owned all the electricity and oil and gas and wind. Even the rain water.

But the rain water belongs to Earth. To everyone and everything on it. My God, I've turned into a hippy.

And the Earth dudes just stood around and let this happen?

Well, by then, M-Corp had introduced a law to tax thinking.

A Think Tax?

[Points to Cat] You'd have got a rebate every year.

There's no way I'm buying anything off you guys! Ever.

Lister reacts to a sharp pain in his stomach.

AAniter

Would you like to buy some pain pills, Dave?

No.

Lister reacts to another sharp pain.

AAniter

We can dock it directly from your account.

[In pain] All right, fine! Quick.

The sound of a coin click plays as the pills appear.

Water! I need a glass of water!

AAniter

That will be 40 dollar-pounds, Dave.

[In disbelief] For water?

AAniter

For the glass. The water is a further 400 dollar-pounds.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red Dwarf pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.