I need to go into a phone booth and jerk off.
S1[Episode 111]
S1[Episode 111]
You're the safe sex poster boy and I'm the happy hooker.
S1[Episode 111]
I remember the first time I heard your name. Michael says 'there's this new boy in school, Brian Kinney.' For weeks that's all he could talk about. Brian Kinney this and Brian Kinney that. Next thing, you're cutting classes. And then I come home from work one day and I find the two of you 14 and drunk. It was then I knew that you were trouble. And you haven't disappointed me a day since then.
Well, at least you can't accuse me of being inconsistent.
Consistent heartbreak.
S1[Episode 111]
[after finding out his HIV test was all clear] I'm negative.... I'm negative!
MMel
That's okay, happy people can be really annoying.
S1[Episode 111]
Ted [to Michael]: Oh for Christ sake, would you shut up already and come to your goddamn surprise party.
… surprise.
S1[Episode 111]
Nice job on the gift. Couldn't have been more perfect.
Thanks.
Yeah... David's present didn't stand a chance. Then again, neither did he.
Fuck off.
Just can't help yourself, can you? You make have to make sure Michael regresses permenantly to the age of 12. He's 30, for Christ sake, Brian. Don't you think it's time you let him go?
Tell you what. I will if you will.
S1[Episode 111]
Promiscuous is anyone having more sex than you.
I thought I was being safe... careful.
Sex isn't careful. If it is you're doing it wrong. It's messy and it's human.
S1[Episode 111]
Vic [speaking through the intercom]: Come on up... and get your cock out!
S1[Episode 111]
So, listen. I know there's this part of us that thinks we don't deserve to be loved —
What are you talking about?
Let me finish. So we fall in love with someone we know we can't have and who's never gonna loves us, and we fantasize about the day when all of a sudden he realizes and sees everything he's been missing. You know, and all our dreams come true... only, that day never comes, and before you know it, it's your fortieth birthday, it's your fiftieth birthday and you're still alone. Don't let that happen to you, Michael. Love someone for real, someone who loves you.
S1[Episode 111]
Tracy! I'm so happy that you could make it to Michael's surprise party. Let me introduce you to a few of our guests... David, this is Tracy, Tracy this is David.
Tracy, yeah we met.
Right, you're Mike's chiropractor.
He's also his boyfriend. Excuse me, ex-boyfriend. First time they fucked, Michael came like, three times.
[David punches Brian]
Mike, why don't you buy your friend Tracy a drink? Looks like she could use one... don't go yet Mikey, you haven't even had your cake!
Fuck off!
S1[Episode 111]
Do you laugh at me? You and your friends? The boys? Do you laugh at me?
No... no.
I must be a big joke to you, huh? The girl at work? The one who has the crush? She's so funny 'cause she's so stupid!
It's not like that, I swear!
You're a liar, Mike. A liar.
S1[Episode 111]
Well, Brian. You really know how to throw a birthday bash.
Too bad all good things must come to an end.
Well well well... is anyone surprised? The way he treats people. Am I right? Is there anyone here tonight that hasn't been fucked by Brian Kinney, one way or another?
Well, what do you know, now Michael has been too.
So you finally gave him what he wanted. Good for you.
How could you do that to him, Brian? Your best friend in the whole world.
Brian [to Justin]: Well... aren't you gonna make your big exit, too?
No. You're gonna need someone to help you clean up this mess.
S1[Episode 111]
Debbie [to Brian]: Christ, I was pissed at you last night. Everybody was. Is. But right in the middle of my cussing you out, I finally figured it out. You can't do anything quietly, can you? Everything's gotta be a spectacle. Drama. You couldn't have pushed him... softly. You had to shove him off a fucking cliff.
S1[Episode 112]
Captain Astro uses his magical fisting power!
Quit it! It's too early for fisting!
No, it is never too early for fisting!
S1[Episode 112]
[Brian is imagining Ted is Michael]
So, how was work?
Fat Marley had this really incredibly hickey and there was a sale on protein powder so every queen in the city was there. Except for you, of course.
Boring. Work was boring. How 'bout you?
Don't tell me, you took a client to a really fancy restaurant for lunch and there was this really hot waiter and he signaled for you to meet him in the linen closet and he gave you this amazing blowjob and then you went back to the table and the client never knew?
How'd you guess?
I asked you about work.
Uh, I took a client to lunch and the waiter blew me in the linen closet.
Really?
Liar! You're such a liar!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Queer as Folk (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.