Queer as Folk (US) Season 1 quotes

Melanie

Your lives?

Tracy

People who laugh at jokes that make fun of other people, whoever they are, are ignorant and cruel.

I'm Matt.

Emmett

Course you are. You're always Matt, or Scott, or Todd, or some other wonderful one-syllable name.

I'd offer to buy you a drink, but something tells me you don't need another.

Emmett

Something tells me you might be right! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home; it's always nicer to vomit in your own toilet.

Brian

Hey, How's it going?

Justin

What? You actually wanna know?

Brian

Well, I asked, didn't I?

Justin

Everything's fine.

Brian

Good. What are you doing tonight?

Justin

Huh?!

Brian

[laughs] Are... These... Particularly... Hard... Questions? Do you wanna come over after work?

Justin

Really? Sure.

Michael

I told her I was an out and proud homosexual and if she didn't like it, she can suck my dick.

Brian

His life was just going to hang there, like some shirt in the closet you never wear.

Justin

So you pushed him away.

Brian

It was the only course of action.

Justin

Yeah, but now he hates you.

Brian

That's okay. As long as Mikey's happy.

Justin

God, you must really love him.

You... you've got your doubts, don't you? Well, let me ask you a few questions. Do you and your friends obsess about your bodies and the bodies of other men?

Ted

Check out his pecks.

Michael

They're like, perfect.

Brian

They're like, implants.

Do your conversations center around trivialities such as movies stars?

Michael

Did you hear that Cher had her pussy tightened?

Ted

Where'd you read that, the Inquirer or Popular Mechanics?

Are your days and nights spent at the gym and in bars, going home with men whose names you don't even know?

Ted

So he's coming and he's going, "Fred, Fred!"

Michael

Fred! Who's Fred?

So, maybe you should ask yourself... is this the life I want for me? Is this the life God wants for me? Is there a better life?

When you spend your entire life keeping it a secret, who you really are, you learn to stop trusting people and it becomes second nature.

Lindsay

Can we talk about this later?

Melanie

Like everything else. I'm gonna go spike the punch.

All of this baby business is making me a little crazy.

Melanie

Why, because you want one?

Because I don't want one.

Brian

He's got razor burn on his balls.

Brian

Don't tell me no one's ever had a Big O at the Big Q?

Michael

I wouldn't know.

Brian

Well, I would. First-hand. And I mean first-hand experience.

Michael

Are you saying...

Brian

Remember last Christmas when I came to pick you up and you were setting up for Santa's Workshop?

Michael

Not Santa. Don't tell me you fucked Santa!

Brian

Even I wouldn't do that. I'm not into fat. His elf!

Michael

You didn't.

Brian

What he lacked for in feet he made up for in inches.

Melanie

Don't you ever get tired of being cheery?

Lindsay

You have no idea.

Emmett

Shaving Ryan's Privates, Good Dick Hunting, As Big as It Gets... it did get big... [throws videos away] gone!