Ted quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Ted

Why am I wasting my time staring at a bunch of over pumped princesses with IQ's smaller than their waists...

Ted

Jesus look at him!

Ted

I could fix you up with my sister. Only she looks like me in a dress.

Ted

You're the safe sex poster boy and I'm the happy hooker.

Ted

Flannel. Isn't that lesbian lingerie?

Ted

If you really want to help, grab a nipple and squeeze.

Ted

You guys are slippery!

Ted

God bless the Village People. True visionaries.

Ted

You can't turn yourself into a failure to make your relationship a success.

Ted

After all, I am a gay man and sex is our national past-time.

Emmett

When did 70's night become 80's night?

Ted

I remember this song from high school. Talk about feeling ancient.

Emmett

Speak for yourself, honey. I was a mere child.

Emmett

[referring to a hot guy] My God, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

Ted

Venice. At sunset.

Emmett

Fine. You go down the Grand Canal, I'll go down on him.

Michael

That was quick.

Ted

Not when you've had as much practice as he's had.

Brian

I got bored.

Emmett

I know, getting your dick sucked can be so tedious.

Emmett

So, uh, who's he look like?

Michael

Well he's got Brian's eyes and mouth, and Lindsay's nose.

Ted

If he's got Melanie's dick, we're in big trouble.

Michael

You should see the pictures I took, he's so adorable. In one of them he's actually playing with himself.

Ted

Who, Brian?

Michael

No, the baby! Imagine he's only been in the world about an hour and already he's pulling his pud.

Michael

Blake just winked at you.

Ted

He's got some crystal meth in his eye.

Ted

I saw you... fucking. When I woke up. I thought I'm in Hell and this is my punishment. Watching Brian Kinney fucking for all eternity.

Brian

You should be so lucky.