It's like with people on YouTube squeezing spots. I mean, what is wrong with people?
What is wrong with your YouTube searches?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[…] I went to McLean in Texas where they have the barbed wire museum.
How do you get in?!
[ Stone houses on Easter island ]
I think I lived in London too long. Because I'm looking at that, thinking: Looks alright. 600 a month, yes, please.
It's cool but not as cool as Kanye.
It's cooler than Kanye.
I thought Kanye is something you cure with Yoghurt.
[Regarding Tattoos]
My brother got one, you know he tried for years to get it in a language that you don't understand so you won't mind if it's misspelled. “So, what's it mean?” “Honesty.”. And my mum walked in and he pulled his shirt up and just pretended he didn't have it.
[On Royal Navy slang] The term for premature ejaculation is “getting off at Fratton”, because Fratton is the train station two before Portsmouth. Which is your final destination, really.
What am I an inch and a half taller than?
The cast of Time Bandits.
[What is the loneliest number?]
Three is the magic number
Three is the magic number. Well, so they say, I've never tried.
[On the number 8,000,000,085.]
[To Sandi] OK, would it be a problem if you would explain that again?
I was bullied a school. [Audience awwws] Yes. A kid stole my lunch money and gave me a wedgie and then I decided to give up teaching.
What can we do about the international poo shortage?
[Later]
So it's just animal number two's?
Yes...
So we can't do out bit? [Gets up to go outside]
I don't know about Australia, but they have laws, here.
[Sits back down] And I thought you were going to be different.
I am different, but you haven't looked closely enough.
Who has green sponge balls?
AMAudience member
Spongebob Square Pants
Aw...
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off: SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS]
That's why you're sitting over there...
[What kind of questions are barristers never allowed to ask a witness?]
LPLucy Porter
Multiple choice.
And finally, a male black widow spider and a female black widow spider just finished having sex. What happens next?
Tiny cigarette.
There a some fantastic places in Newfoundland. Conception Bay South...
Conception Bay South? Yeah, that's what I call it, she doesn't like it. She thinks it's too formal. 'Come on love, let's have a look at Conception Bay South.'
What about Conception Bay North?
Well, that's a special treat for birthdays.
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