Gus quotes from Psych

Shawn

We gotta do something to let them know they can trust us. Gus, give him the nod!

Gus

Shawn, the nod only works when it's me giving it to a brother behind the counter at Jamba Juice, not to an armed convict!

Shawn

[Craig tells them about thief Percy Dunn] Percy Dunn the lightning thief!

Gus

It's Percy Jackson, Shawn.

Shawn

I've heard it both ways.

Shawn

[Craig tells them about thief Percy Dunn] Percy Dunn the lightning thief!

Gus

No, that's Percy Jackson, Shawn.

Juliet

Shawn, hey!

Shawn

Heeeeeeeey! Jules!

Gus

Sometimes he over-enunciates when he gets uncomfortable.

Shawn

[over-enunciating] I do not.

Shawn

Look, there's a reason those books have sold almost 30 million copies, Gus.

Gus

Mostly to teenaged girls.

Shawn

And adult males who enjoy reading stories about vampire doctors and their disfunctional dating lives. You're one to talk, Mister "I bought Win a Date With Tad Hamilton on DVD.

Gus

There were 15 deleted scenes, Shawn. Fifteen!

Check out his resume.

Gus

He has a Masters in Psychology and Criminology from Harvard AND an MBA!

Shawn

Get outta here. He's got a Monkey Basketball League?

Gus

I told you that newspaper thing was a dumb idea.

Shawn

Are you at all serious? We just captured a dangerous international spy and you're hung up on the newspaper bit?

Gus

No. I'm hung up on the fact that you've been obsessed with this woman this whole time, she makes the ultimate move on you, and you shut her down. That makes no sense! Are you crazy?

Shawn

I know it doesn't make any sense. Maybe I am crazy. All I can tell you is that... just now, in that moment, all I could think about was Jules. I just can't wrap myself around the fact she's dating Declan. Actually, it's actually killing me.

Gus

Shawn, that is not fair.

Shawn

I know. I know it's not fair. And you're right. She likes this guy, who am I to stand in the way?

Gus

Exactly.

Shawn

You think I don't want her to be happy? I want her to be happy. But--serious Shawn moment here--I want to be happy too, and for some reason I can't imagine that happening without Juliet.

Shawn

Gus, don't be both Ashlee Simpson albums.

Gus

There were three Ashlee Simpson albums.

Shawn

That can't possibly be true.

Gus

Autobiography, Bittersweet--

Shawn

I will not do this with you right now!

Gus

Wait a second, you're mad at me for not being mad?

Shawn

I'm shocked at you for not being shocked!

Shawn

Ken!

Ken

No way.

Shawn

Yes way... in a big way. Can I have your keys?

Ken

What?

Shawn

I just saw a guy get killed.

Ken

Where?

Shawn

In the murder room at the haunted house.

Ken

Isn't that what's suppose to happen?

Shawn

Real guy, real murder.

Ken

Did you tell anyone?

Shawn

We told Carol. But she was so busy texting with Bad Grammar Todd that she didn't care.

Gus

Will you let that go?

Shawn

"Bitchin'", Gus. "Bit-Chin". It's the only word I insist people get right. Otherwise, you're saying it's bichin which is chinese for "too much face". Isn't that right, Ken?

Ken

Seriously, dude. I already told you last time: six words. Now why don't you just go tell somebody else?

Shawn

We're telling you, Ken, and you wanna know why? Because it's high time we got the team back together, man. This is the type of big money case that will allow us to hire back our best Asian assistant ever. 3 Ninjas, Mega Mountain, reunited and it feels... so good.

Ken

I like that song.

Shawn

Are you in?

Ken

I'm out.

Gus

So am I.

Shawn

I didn't ask you.

Shawn

Okay, just go with me here for a second. I know this is gonna sound crazy but what I'm thinking is we don't go to opening night of Scare Fest. We go next week maybe sometime in the afternoon when its not crowded at all.

Gus

Are you kidding? I spent the entire week finishing my route early. I took a vacation day.

Shawn

Oh no, Gus, why would you do that?

Gus

You asked me to.

Shawn

When?

Gus

The day they announced that they having Scare Fest again.

Shawn

I don't recall that.

Gus

I have your speech as a video file on my Blackberry, Shawn.

Shawn

All right, okay, enough with all the technology. Look, the truth is it's my horoscope: it says I should avoid places with urinal troughs and I just don't feel I can take the risk right now. I'm sure you understand. [Gus sobs quietly]

Shawn

Are you crying?

Gus

I'm disappointed, Shawn.

Shawn

God. [Gus continues to sob]

When I heard two boys snuck onto a ride, I wasn't expecting this.

Shawn

Why, because he's black?

Gus

What are you doing?!

Shawn

I'm playing the race card.

Gus

Even if that was OK for you, you're playing it wrong.

Shawn

I doubled down.

Gus

That owl is made entirely out of cinnamon!

Shawn

Which means it is both wise and delicious.

Isn't cherry the best?

Gus

Best what?

Everything, silly.