Gus quotes from Psych

Shawn

Oh Sheriff. Didn't expect to see you here.

I live here. What do you mean?

Shawn

Of course you do. You're Randy's father. Yes, wow. You guys have Bob Barker, Doc Gooden, and Randy Jackson, all living in the same inlet town with no cars, cell phones, or internet.

Gus

Shawn, we need to pitch this to Mark Burnett!

Shawn

We're not here to judge you, Mr. Barker. We came to investigate, catch bad guys and eat pie.

Gus

Not necessarily in that order.

Shawn

And it hasn't been.

Gus

No.

Shawn

We started with the pie.

Gus

Always.

Shawn

Labradoodle!

Gus

Where?

Gus

[to Lassiter, after pulling him over] Have you been drinking, sir?

Lassiter

That's it!

Shawn

Sir, if you don't calm down I will be forced to tase you in the face.

Lassiter

You don't have a taser.

Juliet

[teaching the PIT maneuver] Mr. Spencer, a word.

Gus

I think you might be in trouble with the teacher.

Shawn

I sure hope so.

Shawn

You do realize this is the ending to True Romance?

Gus

That was a massacre, Shawn. Everybody died!

Shawn

That's not true. Christian Slater and Patty Arquette made it out alright.

And Michael Rappaport!

Shawn

Good point, Dickie. I forgot about that.

Shawn

Well, I'm tight with Chris, and [Gus] loves Dickie.

Gus

What?!?

Shawn

I'm just getting started, you giant cockroach. You know what? That was out of line. I apologize to cockroaches everywhere, especially Jiminy Cricket, although for the first time in thirty years, it occurs to me... he might be a cricket.

Gus

Of course he's a cricket.

Shawn

If I had to choose, I would die execution style, by firing squad.

Gus

First of all, no one's asking you to choose. And secondly, why that? It's brutal and violent.

Shawn

I know. But I would select all my shooters personally. George Carlin. Abott, or Costello, or whoever the fat one was. Richard Pryor, Adam Brody, all the comedy greats. How funny would that be?

Gus

It wouldn't be. You'd be dead.

Shawn

Why do you gotta take it to a dark place?

Gus

Uh, what is going inside the syringe?

Shawn

Gus, do you really want to know?

Gus

Yes, Shawn. I'm very particular about what goes into my body.

Shawn

It's probably safe to assume it's something lethal. Is that accurate?

Yin

A box of Mars Bars to you, Shawn.

Yin

Now to answer your question, Burton, what we have here is a little concoction I affectionately coined, The Last Kiss. One part cyanide, one part strychnine, two parts atropine, and just a shake--not stirred--of boat cleaner. And it's all for you.

Shawn

That's not gonna work. I can't watch him die, you'll have to kill me first.

Gus

You must be outta your damn mind if you think I'm gonna sit here and die after watching you die with some ridiculous grin on your face because you're thinking of sopapillas, or that stupid scene from Summer School where the students all pretend to be dead. [to Yin] And do you have just the one needle? Do you plan on sterilizing in between uses?

Shawn

Surely you can't be serious.

Gus

I don't know where all you've been, Shawn!

Yin

Only Burton gets the needle. I have something far more colorful in mind for you, Shawn.

Shawn

Firing squad? Please say firing squad.

Gus

What happened?

Shawn

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

Gus

What do you think?

Shawn

I am not your mother.

Gus

He didn't say that, Shawn. What's the bad news?

Shawn

Drive!!

Woody

Guster, your cholesterol is really high.

Shawn

Man, I told you eating something called "stick of butter in a bun" was a bad idea!

Gus

I can't help it, Shawn, my body craves buttery goodness.

Shawn

You're buttery.

Gus

You know that's right.

Gus

What happened last night?

Shawn

Strangely, I have no idea.

Shawn

Please explain to me again what we're doing here. As opposed to doing anything else in the world.

Gus

We're paying respects to a man who dedicated his life's work the police department, Shawn.

Shawn

Oh, please! You don't know Jim.

Gus

Charlatan!

Looking whose talking Count Chocula over here please.

Gus

Count Chocula? you must be out of your damn mind.

Shawn

What did I tell you. No one remembers Blacula except for us and Quentin Tarantino.