Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

I don't know if it's enough, but I did overhear a time a place and a name.

Gus

Come again.

I know who, what and where.

Shawn

Ryan, that…that's everything we need to know. That's all of it. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Because no one would let me.

Shawn

That's true, Gus, that's very true.

Gus

Yeah, I got that, Shawn. Just go ahead Ryan.

The time was 10:00.

Shawn

10:00.

To 4:30.

Shawn

10:00 to 4:30.

Yeah.

Gus

A six hour window? What do your killers work at the cable company?

Shawn

It's okay. What's the place?

420…420 something. I didn't get a street name or an apartment number, but the address definitely has a 420 in it.

Shawn

Hmm.

But the name I have.

Shawn

Perfect, what is it?

Tom.

Shawn

Tom?

Gus

You wouldn't happen to have a last name, would you?

Come on, guys! I can't do everything for you.

Juliet

Are you all right?

Shawn

Yeah, of course I am, why?

Juliet

Well we got the message that you were at the hospital. Something about life and death.

Shawn

Oh, right, that. Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.

Gus

I knew I should have left that message.

Gus

Where's Leiber?

Juliet

Gone. Looks like he's on the lam.

Shawn

If he's on a lamb, he won't get far. Alpaca, different story. Those things really fly.

Shawn

What about Ryan's assassins?

Lassiter

You should call either the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot. If you get in trouble, I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

Shawn

First of all, Bigfoot and I haven't spoken in five years. Six if you don't count his cousin's wedding, which was literally like, "Hey, B!" "Blerrrgh."

Shawn

You two are officially my least favorite tag team of all time!

Really? With Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff on the table?

Shawn

Wow! You just made that reference!

Gus

You still have your shoes and socks on! Do you even know how this game works?

Shawn

Oh!

Juliet

Wow.

Shawn

Boy, Billy, I will give you everything in Gus' wallet if you put your pants back on.

Gus

Dude, please cover your junk.

Shawn

Allow me to introduce yourself. You drive a green Camaro, the backseat probably loaded with pinkberry cups.

Wrong! I drive a Jeep. A black Jeep. But you're spot on with the pinkberry cups.

Shawn

What's your point, man?

Gus

My point is you're going to be eighty years old and still shamelessly hitting on waitresses. Is that what you want?

Shawn

Is that a trick question?

Juliet

I am clearly not as good with words as you are, and I know that things between us have been...a little complicated...and that there have probably been some mixed signals, mostly from me, with regards to the time we spend together outside of the line of duty.

Shawn

Look, Jules, y--

Juliet

[interrupting him] Just, please, let me finish stumbling through this, I'm almost done. I promise. What I'm saying, is that I think maybe the best things, the...richest things, aren't supposed to come easily, and that sometimes the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't, and, well, I-- [pauses] I think you deserve more than popcorn tonight.

Juliet

So why don't you let me take you to dinner?

Shawn

Detective O'Hara, are you asking me out on a date?

Juliet

I am. [pause] A proper one.

Shawn

[exhales] Wow. [laughs in disbelief] I cannot believe this. All this time, and... your timing is just awful.

Juliet

It is?

Shawn

Yeah, just dreadful.

Juliet

[confused] What?

Shawn

I can't go to dinner with you, Jules, I'm already on a date.

Juliet

What, here?

Shawn

Yeah, right now. It's w-- [stutters] It's weird, it's a little weird, but, uh...yeah. With Abigail.

Juliet

The one that got away.

Shawn

Yeah.

Juliet

[kisses him on the cheek] Get out there. She's not gonna wait forever.

Lassiter

Are you in my apartment?

Shawn

Please. I haven't snuck into your apartment for weeks. Which reminds me, you're all out of peanut butter.

Shawn

Here's the thing, Robert: I am a psychic.

Gus

We work for the Santa Barbara Police Department. We've solved over forty-seven cases. I'm also a pharmaceutical rep, if that means anything to you.

Shawn

You've seen The Mentalist, right?

Yes.

Shawn

It's like that.

Gus

Except that guy's a fake.

Shawn

Right. If I were a fake psychic, it would be eerily similar.

Gus

Exactly the same.

Shawn

A virtual carbon copy.

Shawn

I'm so sorry about this; my assistant makes all my reservations but she's been under heavy medication. She was recently diagnosed with parvo.

Isn't that a dog's disease?

Shawn

Yes, yes it is. My assistant is a Golden Retriever, adorable but dim. Her whole keyboard is just three big buttons. She has very large paws. I should have fired her years ago but she's a rescue and I didn't have the heart.

Shawn

I want to see your book.

My book?

Shawn

Yeah, the one with things that Despereaux might steal.

But nobody ever wants to see my book.

Shawn

I do; I want to see the book. [Takes waffles off of desk] I'm also going to eat these waffles.

Shawn

[talking about the ATVs] Note to self: Get one of those for the office.

Gus

I hope you have a plan to help us find this crashed plane. And hope that plan doesn't end up with us being eaten by a bear.

Shawn

Don't worry, Gus. We have a secret weapon.

Gus

A larger bear-eating bear?

Shawn

BOOM!

Gus

A map! That's your secret weapon?

Shawn

No, no, Mr. Clayton! Open your eyes!

Gus

Watch out, Shawn! I know what to do. Mr. Clayton! Mr. Clayton! What interesting sectors do you see outperforming the market this year?