Candace quotes from Phineas and Ferb

Vanessa

This is a big night for me, my boyfriend's coming. Oh, here he is right now. [Jeremy, dressed as a Scarlet Pimpernel enters]

Jeremy

Ooh, a vampire! It's a good thing I have my neck covered.

Vanessa

You're not my boyfriend!

Jeremy

Whoops. Heh heh. Sorry, I thought you were my—

Jeremy, it's me, Candace!

Jeremy

Ooh, a vampire! It's a good thing I have my—

Yeah, heard you the first time.

So what does your father do here?

Jeremy

Oh, he's part of a team that makes and manages recognizant satellites. They actually had a couple of rovers on Mars earlier this summer. But they suddenly stopped working. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

[nervously] Uh, how would I...heh heh...what do you mean? Heh heh.

Jeremy

All right...Your Highness.

[gasp] Who told?

Jeremy

Stacy.

Candace

[to Stacy, referring to Jeremy] Remember those days when I was always panicking about what he thought or what he wouldn't like?

Stacy

Isn't this the same Candace who sat under Jeremy's window just to make sure he wasn't whispering other girls' names in his sleep?

Candace

Ancient history.

Stacy

Uh, that was yesterday.

Linda

[entering Candace's room with a box of her old stuff from the attic] Here's your stuff from the attic, Candace. I don't know why you couldn't find it.

Candace

I don't know, Mom. It must've been behind something.

Linda

Candace, you didn't go up there at all, did you?

Candace

Oh, Mom, I just couldn't go up there. It's all gross and webby.

Linda

Candace Flynn, don't tell me you're still afraid of spiders.

Candace

There's Ferb's box way over there. Oh, who am I kidding? I can't go way over there!

Phineas

Candace?

Candace

[screams] Phineas, how did you get up here?

Phineas

I'm using the Ferb-o-graphic technology. [cut to him using it at Mount Danville] What's taking so long? Did you find the box?

Candace

Well, it's right over there by all those spider webs. Be a pal and grab it for me, will ya?

Phineas

What? No, I-I can't pick it up. I'm a hologram. You have to do it.

Candace

But I can't!

Phineas

Well, what's the matter, Candace?

Candace

It's my fear of spiders! I've been trying to overcome it all day.

Phineas

Well, that is a valid fear. You should be cautious around some spid—

Candace

Phineas, you're not helping!

Phineas

Come on, you've already done so many brave things. Remember when you helped us rescue Klimpaloon? And what about that time you got that really big bird to quit pecking our house? Or when you climbed up on the motor of our baguette boat after I gave you a similar pep talk?

Candace

Yeah! You know what? You're right. If I could do that, then I should be able to walk across the attic, right? It's being silly. Heck, I don't even remember what I was afraid of.

Phineas

Spiders. [Candace screams and climbs back down] Candace, you forgot the box!

Candace

[painting her toenails while talking to Stacy on the phone] Seriously, Stacy, boys are a mystery. I mean, what do they talk about when they're not around? Do you think they talk about us?

Stacy

I got no clue.

Candace

[sighs] I guess I'll never know the real deal as long as I'm not a boy. [gets hit by the Impersonator-inator and turns into a holographic image of Gary Frank; looks in the mirror] Stacy, there's a pizza delivery boy in my room!

Stacy

Is that code for something?

Candace

Get back! Huh? There's no one there. But he's in the mirror! But, but… [gasps] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening! Ah, ha! Oh! [enraged] Oh! Stacy, Phineas and Ferb have turned me into a holographic image of a pizza boy!

Stacy

Cool. Can I have a veggie special with non-dairy cheese?

Candace

Stacy!

Stacy

Hey, too bad Jeremy didn't order a pizza. Then, you could hang out with him and find out what guys talk about.

Candace

Finally, some real Rebel-busting! [takes off her Stormtrooper helmet] This is why I joined the Empire in the first place.

Baljeet

I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!

Buford

I told you to go before the raid.

Baljeet

That is not what I meant. But now that you mentioned it...

Candace

Alright, lock it up. We've got rebels to bust!

Woah, woah, woah, where do you think you're going?

Candace

Uhh, space battle over that way?

Certainly not. You know your mission: to find socks for Lord Vader.

Candace

Yes, sir. SOCKS?! This is a total waste of my potential! [storms off with a frustrated grunt]

Buford

Not me. This is about where I peak.

[to Perry] Agent P, I need you to make sure this R2 unit goes to Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine. But first, I need to record a video message. Be a dear and stand over by the bulkhead. You're kinda in my shot.

Candace

Can you believe this? Making us ride the bus pod? They better give us a real Rebel-fighting job this time and not just running some more errands.

Baljeet

[looks in the bag; worried] Uh-oh.

Candace

I mean, how hard is it to deliver socks?

Baljeet

Uh, Candace?

Candace

Yes?

Baljeet

I believe Buford acquires your attention.

Candace

Oh. What is it, Buford? [Buford pulls out what is revealed to be Darth Vader's black socks] Huh. Uh, Buford, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to think very hard before you answer.

Buford

Thinking is always hard.

Candace

I know. Here's the thing. If we have Darth Vader's socks, what exactly did we give the commander?

Buford

Uh…

I find your lack of socks disturbing.

Phineas

Candace!

Candace

Phineas!

Isabella

Candace!

Candace

Isabella!

Vanessa

Ferb!

Phineas

I know what we're gonna do today.

Candace

And I know what I'm gonna do today! Bust you guys once and for all! Do your worst or your best. Just make it big and bustable, so I can show Mom!

Phineas

Wow! That was awfully supportive. And you said Candace wasn't a morning person.

Candace

This is it, Candace: the last day of summer vacation! Your last chance to bust the- [Candace slips on a rollerskate and skateboard and falls down the stairwell onto a wagon] Why do we have this many... wheeled objects lying around the house?

Isabella

[seeing a Linda-shaped cloud in the sky, floating over the Flynn-Fletcher house] Guys, is it just me or does that cloud kind of look like your mom?

Buford

Ooh! Sick burn!

Phineas

No, she's right! Look! That is Mom!

Candace

Yes! I recognize that look of tired disapproval anywhere!

Who wants pie?

Baljeet

[looking over his tablet] Inexplicably, your mother's vaporized bits have coalesced with the high humidity in the air to form a "cumulo-mom-bus" if you will.

Buford

In English, nerdy boy. [Baljeet hands him a Nerd-to-English dictionary] Oh, a Mom Cloud!

Baljeet

A Mom Cloud.

Phineas

[with Candace panicking back and forth behind him] But she looks very unstable.

Candace

No, no, no, no, no!

Buford

That also wasn't me.

Phineas

Guys, I know we have to do today! Save Mom!

Isabella

But how?

Phineas

Grab anything what we might need!

Candace

I brought Mom out, I bumped out the fan. It's my fault.

Candace

Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait! What can I do?

Phineas

Oh, uh, grab the Whack-a-Pest and follow us!

Baljeet

She has absorbed too much water! She is nearly two tons! We cannot fire the device until she is close to her normal density! Otherwise, she could explode!

Isabella

So how the heck do we get ride of all that water weight?!

Candace

Water? Wait! Waterworks! That's it! [goes into the house and upstairs to her room, carrying the family portraits] Mom! [lets go of the pictures and they float up to the Linda Cloud]

Isabella

She's crying!

Candace

She's raining!

Phineas

[inside the Candace suit, with him on the bottom and Ferb on the top] We just want to high this for your respective for once.

Candace

[grabs her head and grunts, then remembers] Wait! Full Length Mirror. Mom’s Upstairs!

Linda

[pretending to be Candace, to Lawrence] So, Don’t Forget that Mom’s Birthday is coming up, and what she really wants is-

Candace

[grabs her mother by the Candace suit of the arm] Mom! [drags her outside]

Candace

Okay, I'm taking you on one condition: I don't wanna see any crazy inventing, wild adventures or improbable shenanigans.

Phineas

Well, I don't know if I'd ever called if we do "shenanigans".

Candace

But you're promising?

Phineas

Yes. Yes, we are. Hey, where's Per-