My Prom was right after I got impeached so I couldn't leave the house without being egged. But my parents threw me a Prom in our living room...I think I'm still messed up from it.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[in a squeaky helium voice] I know what you're doing Ron and I will defeat you! Mark my words!
Stop wasting helium. It is intended for welding and filling airships.
I attended Prom with Susan Hoffler. I picked her up in my truck, we slow danced to a Merle Haggard song, and then I left early to go to my shift at the quarry. I was twelve years old. Never went again. Felt like I had outgrown it.
Look around. The bloom of youth. Like flowers on the sunset of an eagle's poetry.
Andy. I hate teenagers!
If you give this a chance, you're gonna love it. I promise. It's like the movie Expendables 2. First time, hated it. Second time, hated it. Third time, it was okay. Then the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, tenth time I watched it, I realized something. It's just it's not good. It's not a good movie. Now that I've convinced you, why don't we go dance?
So have you ever pulled a ceremonial chord before? There's a little trick to it. You wanna hold it not too tight, sort of like a firm handshake, and then move towards the ground in a rope-pulling motion.
So just...pull the rope.
That's right!
I didn't go to my Prom. I was dating an older man at the time. Like I'm gonna dance with a bunch of kids while he's coaching Duke to the final four.
I just wanna go home but I feel bad because Andy's having such a good time.
[view of Andy having a dance off and having a great time]
How can I love someone when I hate everything he loves?
That's not true. He loves a lot of dumb stuff but he loves you the most. If something's bothering you, just tell him. It's always better to be direct.
[guy walks up to Donna]
GGuy
Hey girl. Are you ready to go?
I feel like I told you to wait in the car.
GGuy
...Yeah. [walks off]
See? Be direct.
Sorry children. Forget that this happened. Continue with your awkward, close quarters gyrating.
[Ron starts rushing Leslie off the stage]
And if this is the evening you decide to have sex use protection please!
GGirl
Where'd you get that dress?
I was buried in it.
GGirl
... [awkwardly walks away]
You may be old, but you'll never be as old as me.
Yeah. You're old as shit! Thanks Ben.
Glad I could help.
Oh, let me introduce you to my boyfriend.
[Greg Pikitis walks up and puts his arm around Allison]
[shocked] ...Greg Pikitis?
What up Knope!?
Hello Gregory.
You guys know each other?
You might say that.
Come on baby, let's get out of here.
[Greg and Allison walk away]
It's that horrible kid who used to prank us all the time right?
Offer's off the table. She's a terrible person with terrible judgement.
[Leslie tries to walk away and causes a huge mess due to Greg secretly stapling her dress to a tablecloth]
PIKITIS!
It's flu season again and I cannot get sick! I have too much work to do. Unfortunately Pawnee is like a breeding ground for disease...due to our poor hygiene habits and raccoon density. It's deeply ingrained in our town's history. We used to crown Miss Influenza every year. The CDC called the pageant "ethically reprehensible."
Stock up on Kleenex! Don't touch your face! Don't touch anything! People are dropping like flies! We already had to quarantine Larry.
[Larry emerges from a tent around his desk]
Leslie, I don't feel good. Can I just work from home?
The tent is your home now Larry. We already forwarded your mail.
April Ludgate, professional drinker.
WWoman
Uhh where did you study Ms. Ludgate?
The Wine...Academy.
WWoman
The Wine Academy!? In Bordeaux!?
Yes!
WWoman
Carol. Make sure she's in Group A.
Excuse me I want in too. I know I don't look the part but I know everything about wine and I will prove it! My name is Craig Middlebrooks and this is my debit rewards card!
I guess while you get your medicine I'll just stroll through the candy isles but won't get any.
You can buy two candies.
TWO!? [runs off]
PPharmacist
Can I help you?
I have the flu. Super nauseated for a few days, lot of barfing, it's a total disaster. Plus I have a ton of work to do so I need the good stuff. The Mariah needs to sing tonight stuff.
[Craig and April are describing wines for a panel]
Pumpkin. Undertones of lavender. Medium plus body. It's mostly pumpkin. There's so much pumpkin it's like a Charlie Brown Halloween special!
I'm getting notes of dried robin's blood, old dirty cashews and just a hint of a robot's bathwater.
It's new world. Northern California. Nappa Valley. Someplace beautiful and warm and amazing where everyone is in great shape and the night sky is full of stars!
This comes from...your mother's butt.
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