Ron Swanson quotes from Parks and Recreation

Ron

On my first day of college, my father dropped me off. At the steel mill. He didn't think I should go to college.

Ron

[on bowling] Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

Ron

When I eat, it's the food that's scared.

Ron

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Ron

It reminds me of when my dad made me choose which of my pet calves to slaughter with my own hands for my 6th birthday. I couldn't choose, so I slaughtered both of them. And they were delicious.

Ron

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a hot, spinning cone of meat in that Greek restaurant next door. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to eat the whole thing.

Ron

Hello. You are here because you gave us money. Now we will give you ribs. Also you will watch the debate. If you like the debate you'll give us more money. That is all. Ron Swanson.

Ron

Your work is appreciated. Eat some corn.

Ron

Recently I made a chair. When I was finished I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association who felt it merited consideration for an award...It's been a real whirlwind!

Ron

Jerry. I never thought I would say this, but I am so glad you're here.

Ron

There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

Ron

[fielding different questions] The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless. Come to the Gala. Next caller.

Ron

[to Leslie] Before we go inside, I'd like to say something. You are a wonderful person. [voice breaks] Your friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.

Ron

People who buy things are suckers.

Ron

I wish this office was just walls.