Sister Jane Ingalls quotes from Orange Is the New Black

Sister Jane Ingalls

You never stay focused on a member of the opposite sex for too long. That's how I watch every Russell Crowe movie.

You and that Pope's bitch are running the place.

Sister Jane Ingalls

I like to think of myself as more of the Pope's homie.

Sophia Burset

You knew? This whole time?

I figured it out when you thought Stations of the Cross meant Christian radio.

Are you not happy being a nun?

Sister Jane Ingalls

No! I love being a nun. If I seem prideful, it's only because I love the work I do and because I'm really good at it.

By your own estimation. There is a page in your book I'd like to read for you. "I have never heard Christ clearly in my heart. Either my heart's hard of hearing, or Christ can be a bit of a mumbler, and so I've learned to trust in my own moral instincts".

Sister Jane Ingalls

It's a joke. I'm comparing my marriage to Christ to a typical marriage.

"But it wasn't my moral instincts that led me to Nicaragua in the summer of '88. It was a young freedom fighter named Carlos.

Sister Jane Ingalls

Okay -

"With rock-hard abs under his jungle fatigues, Carlos was revolutionary in more ways than one and overthrowing the Sandinistas was not his only objective" -

Sister Jane Ingalls

Okay, now, that chapter's there for the mommy book-club crowd. They need a little beefcake with their politics!

Sister Jane Ingalls

How you doing, Red?

Strangest thing. Ever since the assault I speak with this Russian accent.

Alex Vause

[watching Piper climb up her bunk] Need a little help there?

Piper Chapman

Nope. I've got it, thank you. I called you my girlfriend.

Alex Vause

What? To who?

Piper Chapman

To my parents, and my brother, and my brother's wife.

Alex Vause

[lets out a long exhale] That's a bold move, Chapman.

Piper Chapman

I know. I didn't even mean to say it, but it just... It just came out. And now... Now I can't stop thinking about it.

Alex Vause

[sarcastically] Do you wanna pass me a note and have me circle yes or no?

Piper Chapman

[embarrassed] I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend...

Alex Vause

Oh no?

Piper Chapman

No, definitely not! I just thought... I thought that it was weird.

Alex Vause

Totally weird. [pauses] You know, the Quran is turning out to be more interesting than I would've guessed. Technically, I'm not supposed to be touching it, but I did wash my hands. So, I decided that Allah would be cool with it.

Piper Chapman

Will you be my girlfriend?

Alex Vause

[bursts out laughing] Yeah.

Piper Chapman

Yes!?

Alex Vause

Yes, you idiot!

Piper Chapman

[to the rest of the cell] She said yes.

Good for you, hun.

Sister Jane Ingalls

Mazel tov.

Sophia Burset

Everybody acts cool most of the time, you know? "Oh, Sophia, hit me with the gossip", "What do you think about bangs, Sophia?" You start to feel like one of the girls. But then something turns and you realize you're still a freak and you'll never be one of them.

Sister Jane Ingalls

Jesus said, "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you".

Sophia Burset

Nothin' about disemboweling your enemies with a hot curling iron?

Sister Jane Ingalls

You'd think, right? Especially since he had it pretty rough there at the end. But he went quietly.