Carrie Black quotes from Orange Is the New Black

No such fucking word as 'knifes'.

Lorna Morello

No? Then what does Tony do to Bernardo in West Side Story? I'll tell you. He knifes him.

Well, aren't you the plot spoiler.

You tried to sell me for a blanket?

Piper Chapman

Well, when you put it that way--

You are sick, you know that? You are seriously fucked up.

You know, she's right, Chapman. You're a horrible person.

Hey, what y'all playing?

Nothing.

A game as old as time.

Oh yeah? What's it called?

Exclusion.

Cool. How d'you play it?

How's this whole "agenda" thing work?

I got a lot of those. Specify.

The gay agenda to take over the world?

Okay. First of all, keep your voice down. This shit is top secret.

Are you gonna let all the men die out?

Oh, fuck, no, we need slaves. You know, bookkeeping, janitorial, fetch and carry, that kind of shit.

Yeah, what about for sex? 'Cause I know I like how they smell kind of funky and they're big and they have dicks and all that.

Well, maybe, but when you're done, you gotta toss 'em away like trash. I mean, the whole point of this is chicks digging each other and being in charge.

Let's say I wanna join, right?

Okay, let's say that. Shh.

Would I have to do anything disgusting against the word of God? You know? I'm talking about eating pussy, if you catch my drift.

Yeah, I hear you. And that is a big part of it, I'm not gonna lie. But since you have these religious convictions, eh, we can probably give you an exemption. I mean, we're not unreasonable.

You ever read a book called Freakonomics?

No. What's it about, bearded ladies and midgets?

Close. It's about economic theory, cause and effect.

Sounds boring.

Mmm. It's actually a pretty good read. They have this chapter in it, "Where Have All the Criminals Gone?"

Over there in that field.

[chuckles] You know, in the 1990s, crime fell spectacularly, and this book attributes that to the passing of Roe v. Wade.

The Darkness of '73.

The exact opposite, actually. I mean, the abortions that occurred after Roe v. Wade? These were children that weren't wanted. Children who, if their mothers had been forced to have them, would've grown up poor and neglected and abused, the three most important ingredients when one is making a felon. But they were never born. So, 20 years later, when they would've been of prime crime age, they weren't there. And the crime rate [scoffs] Dropped dramatically.

What's your point?

Well, my point is that you were a meth-head, white-trash piece of shit, and your children, had they been born, would have been meth-head, white-trash pieces of shit. So by terminating those pregnancies, you spared society the scourge of your offspring. I mean, when you think about it, it's a blessing.

Never thought about it that way.

Well, maybe you should, hmm? Maybe you should stop punishing yourself. I mean, what does a good mother do? A good mother does what's best for her children. And maybe what was best for your children was wipin' 'em out before they had to lead miserable fucking lives.

Sophia Burset

Okay, all finished.

Show me my big beautiful self.

Lorna Morello

[putting the finishing touches on her makeup] Okay, almost there. Just hold on, all right?

All right.

Lorna Morello

There... We... Go... Oh, I love this part. This is like that TV show where they gave those ladies the... the plastic surgery makeover, and then all their problems just went away after.

Sophia Burset

Okay, here we go...

Lorna Morello

[screaming] I'm so sorry, I can't help it. I just love makeovers, and you look so pretty.

Boo, you look fucking weird. [they look at her in annoyance] What, she does.

[her eyes filling with tears] No, um... I look like my mother.

What the fuck happened to you to make you so angry?

Oh, I wish I had some sob story that would explain everything. Well, sorry to disappoint you, sugar. Ain't no dramatic origin story here. Just a big old dyke who refuses to apologize for it.

I have been her daughter for 42 years. Now don't you think she could have taken some of that time to work on accepting me for who I am, rather than mourning every fucking thing that I am not?

I understand that whatever this is, is important to you, but it's a costume, that's all. The rest of us, we get up, put on a suit and a tie, we go to work. You think that's how I wanted to dress five days a week? No, of course not. But no one gets the privilege of being themselves all the time, Carrie. No one. Now, if you want to go in there and upset her, I'm not gonna stop you. But you need to decide whether your costume is worth what it's costing you.

I have had to fight for this all my life, Dad. All my life. Strangers, girlfriends, fuck, even my own parents all asking me to be something that I am not. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Like, your whole fucking existence is being denied, like "Whoa, you'd be better off if you were invisible"? Yeah. I refuse to be invisible, Daddy. Not for you, not for Mom, not for anybody.

[To Pennsatucky, dropping a big armful of sweets and chips onto her bed] There you go.

What's all that for?

Well, I, uh... I want you to go down on me

Hell no, that's disgusting.

Yeah, but I'm feeling horny, so I'm buying you. Look, there's some M&M's in there. So let's go. Get me off.

That's not funny.

I'm not joking. You're for sale, and I'm purchasing her services. Just, you know, check out, go to your happy place. I'll be quick.

[softly] Stop that.

[becoming louder and more aggressive] And maybe I'll sodomise you while I"m at it. You know, stick a hairbrush up your ass. Hold you down, pull your hair, maybe bite your neck. Wouldn't that be fun? You might like that. Why don't you try it, huh? Why don't you try that? Just let me have my fucking way with you. Hey, I could tie you up. We could maybe use your fucking T-shirt as a gag, huh?

[loudly] Will you stop it!?

I'm gonna do whatever I fucking want to you, and you're gonna lie there and you're gonna take it. Because that's the way this works, isn't it? Isn't that it!?

[breaking down in tears] Stop that. [sobs] Stop it. [she rests her head in her hands. Referring to Charlie "Donuts" Coates, the prison guard who regularly rapes her] I wanted to stop... I wanted to stop so bad, I wanted him to stop.

Good. Cause we're gonna get that motherfucker. [she takes Pennsatucky into her arms and holds her] Come on. It's okay.

You know, I've done some deeply questionable shit in my life, but the foreign-object-ass-rape of an unconscious man? Still not crossed off my list.

Boo, this is fucking creepy, and you know it, right?

Yeah, of course, but... Yeah, but I thought you'd wanna do it. This is my gift to you. It'll help you to work out that rage and that anger. You know, hmm?

I don't have rage. I'm just sad.