Piper Chapman quotes from Orange Is the New Black

Piper Chapman

I have been here for less than two weeks. I have been starved out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened, and called Taylor Swift. And now, you.

Piper Chapman

Wake up, Healy! Girls like me? We don't fuck ignorant, pretentious old men with weird lesbian obsessions. We go for tall, hot girls, and we fucking love it. So that leaves you on the outside, living your sad, sad little life.

Piper Chapman

I was a demanding poochie.

Piper Chapman

He's a hit man? Oh I thought he was a rapist. I'm so relieved!

Piper Chapman

Yes, I am white! We have established that. And I got furlough, too. I guess white privilege wins again. And as a speaker for the entire white race, I would like to say I am sorry that you guys got the raw deal, but I love my fucking grandmother. And, yeah yeah, she may be a whitey, too but she's a fucking person and she's sick and she needs me! So shut the fuck up! It's not my problem.

Piper Chapman

Larry, when was the last time you got to cum in a real live vagina instead of your hand?

Piper Chapman

Crackheads, Wookiees. You know, you gotta let 'em win.

Piper Chapman

[voice-over] I've always loved getting clean. But now, when I say clean, I'm not talking about baths and showers anymore. I'm talking about a clean sweep. Clean living. A clean conscience. And a clean slate.

Look at you, blondie. What'd you do?

Piper Chapman

Aren't you not supposed to ask that question? I read that you're not supposed to ask that.

You read that? What, you studied for prison?

Do you know what a mandala is?

Piper Chapman

Um, those are those round Buddhist art things.

The Tibetan monks make them out of dyed sand, laid out into big, beautiful designs. And when they're done, after days or weeks of work they wipe it all away.

Piper Chapman

Wow. That's, that's a lot.

Try to look at your experience here as a mandala, Chapman. Work hard to make something as meaningful and beautiful as you can. And when you're done, pack it in and know it was all temporary. You have to remember that. It's all temporary.

Lorna Morello

We should've warned you about Red.

Piper Chapman

Well, I just didn't expect to be punished while I was getting punished.

Piper Chapman

I'm not your wife.

I threw my pie for you.

Piper Chapman

What are you doing?

It's an art piece representing the futility of blue collar labor in a technological age. And vaginas.

Piper Chapman

In the morning when I wake up, there are these few seconds before I realize where I am. And then I do realize, and I can't breathe. And I want to cry and throw shit and kill myself. When does that end?

I'll let you know.

Piper Chapman

Is SHU really that bad?

It's just like the Hamptons, only fucking horrible.