George Mendez quotes from Orange Is the New Black

[on Sophia] Cyborg pussy. Bet it's fucking perfect.

They think I'm so tall my feelings don't get hurt.

MENDEZ IS BACK, BITCHES!

God's angry that there's an abomination in the church, and if we don't get rid of "it," it's just gonna keep on happening.

All right, you listen to me. You are not an agent of God, okay? God can do so much better than you. You must know that, right? Jesus Christ, how did you survive infancy?

My auntie helped my mama--

That's a rhetorical question! Do you not understand what a fucking rhetorical question is?

I don't do that shit.

This shit, that shit, blue shit, bat shit, it doesn't matter what you do. It's the doing that makes you dirty.

Nobody else gets through this gate? No suspicious delivery guy? No shady-looking mook in a fucking tampon truck?

There's creepy linens dude, and the dry goods lady, the vegetable people… sounds like a horror movie, doesn't it? The vegetable people? Like a giant celery serial killer carrying a machete, or broccoli lighting shit up with a flame thrower… who's a smoothie now, bitches?

No Thanksgiving suicides! Chapman, what are we not to do on this day of thanks?

Piper Chapman

Commit suicide?

Exactly.

Joe Caputo

You ever seen an image that sears itself into your brain? Like the movie about the hiker guy, where he cuts off his own arm with a Swiss Army knife? Yeah, the sound, the tendons! Fuck! I wish I never watched that part. You know what tops that for me? You know what image I can't unsee, it's still stuck in there, flickering at least once a day, making me want to lose my lunch?

No, sir.

Joe Caputo

Your bare ass, Mendez. Your pimply, white ass, bouncing up and down between the brooms and the mops, ramming into that poor girl. A girl you were supposed to protect and keep safe. Your ass, it haunts me.

I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

Joe Caputo

I've been doing this kind of work 25 years. And it's guys like you that give the whole profession a bad name. If it was up to me, you'd never set foot on this property again. But considering the DOC didn't press charges, it was your word against mine... until now.

Well, I've been doing my job, sir. Just gave out 15 shots this morning.

Joe Caputo

You got her pregnant.

No.

Joe Caputo

Sadly for her, yes. That poor girl is carrying around a sadistic little mustachioed shit inside her.

Whoa.

Joe Caputo

Mendez, you're fucking fired.

Mommy, she hasn't written me back. I write her every day, tell her how much I love her. I write lists of names for the baby, compose short stories about the future of our relationship, remind her of other star-crossed lovers throughout history who have overcome great obstacles to be together, Romeo and Juliet, Lolita and the old guy, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.

Delia Mendez-Powell

Honey, none of those couples ended up together.

I love her, Mommy. I love her.

Delia Mendez-Powell

I know you do.

I was not a rapist! [beat] With her.

I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna be the best father anybody could ever want.

Delia Mendez-Powell

George, why don't you focus on the positive? If it's not yours, maybe we can get you out of here a lot faster -

That woman and the baby she's carrying are the only things that keep me alive. They're gonna change my life, Mommy. They're gonna make me into the man I always knew I could be, the man you said I could be.