Rodney Trotter quotes from Only Fools and Horses

I'll give you 24 hours breathing space time to shall we say spring clean your flat and after that I'm coming round with the CID, That's 24 hours Rodney.

Rodney

Reminds me of that Gene Pitney song you know "24 Hours from Dartmoor".

Trigger

You knew my granddad, Arthur, didn't you?

Oh yeah, I knew Arthur alright.

Trigger

He was a smashing man. He took care of me after my mum went.

Rodney

Where was your dad?

Trigger

He died a couple of years before I was born.

Rodney

It's Arthur's Ashes!

Del

Arthur's Ashes? That's the black bloke who won Wimbledon innit?

Del

Do you know any hymns?

Rodney

Er "We Three Kings of Orient Are".

(singing) We Three Kings...

Del

(suddenly stops) That's a Christmas carol, you wally. Why don't you go the whole hog, and sing "Jingle Bells" while I sprinkle him around a bit?!

Del

Beneath all this finery, there lies... a berk. Now that surprises you dunnit?

Rodney

No.

Boycie

Is that all you've got Del?

Del

Eh? Uh no, no (nudging his head towards Rodney), Rodney's got the rest for me...

Rodney

Oh yeah... Del, here's the four pound thirty-seven from the empties...

You'd better tell me your name, it'll get a bit embarrasing if I have to call you "Thingy" all night!

Rodney

My name's Rodney.

Irene.

Rodney

No, Rodney.

Del

How old is she, 20?

Rodney

No, she's about, 30!

Del

How old is "about 30"?

Rodney

40!

Del

(coughing) 40! 40? Stone me Rodney.

Rodney

What's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?

Del

Nothing. Nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey, she's even too old for me!

Grandad

Well I'd have to think twice!

Del

It's quiet here.

Rodney

(not really listening to what Del is saying) Yeah...

Del

Peaceful.

Rodney

Yeah.

Del

You're decorating the kitchen of a Chinese take away tomorrow.

Rodney

Yeah...

Del

The sun is shining and the birds are singing.

Rodney

(realises what Del has said) What was that?

Del

The sun is shinging and the birds are singing?

Rodney

No, before that.

Del

Everything's quiet and peaceful?

Rodney

No Del, in between everything being quiet and peaceful and the sun shining and the birds signing, you said something about a Chinese take away?

I had a telephone call from a man, he did not give me his name but he tells me, "Get your kitchen painted or you'll be in big trouble, John."

Rodney

Oh. (penny drops) John?

Del

Yeah, John. You know the expression "John". Cockney expression, bruv.

Have you decided what colour the walls will be?

Del

Oh yes of course you don't think I'd leave something that important to the last minute, do you? (to Rodney) Get that lid off!.

Rodney

(struggling to open a tin of paint) I'm trying.

Del

I thought... and you can shoot me down in flames if you like Mr. Chin, but what I thought the colour these walls should be... (to Rodney) Have you got the lid off yet?!?

Blue.

Del

What?

I like blue.

Del

Oh blue. Je suis frontiers. That is exactly what I thought. I thought why don't we paint these walls a nice subtle shade of blue.

What shade of blue?

Rodney

Yellow.

Del

And then I changed my mind. I thought not blue. I thought we should paint them gold.

Rodney

That's yellow.

Del

This is gold, Rodney. Are you illiterate or something? You see I remembered the name of your beautiful restaurant. Gold for the Golden Lotus.

Del

Don't let him go! That's not gonna please Mr Chin, ain't it?

Rodney

Was it his pet?

Del

No, but number 39 is off the menu.

Rodney

What have you been up to, Del?

Del

Oh, bits and pieces.

Rodney

Where have you been?

Del

Here and back.

Rodney

So what have you been doing?

Del

This and that.

Rodney

As long as I know.

Grandad

I thought you'd winkle it out of him in the end.

Rodney

You swore to me it wasn't nicked. Bankrupt stock you said.

Del

British Rail, same thing init?

Grandad

(Rodney is angry after finding out the paint used for the kitchen was hooky) Tunnels?

Del

What?

Rodney

No, he said that!

Grandad

Trigger said the paint was used for painting signs in tunnels, well how can you see a sign in a tunnel, it's pitch black innit?

Trigger

Nah it's alright, this is luminous.

Del

See Grandad, it's luminous, which means you can see in the... Luminous?!