Penny quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Do we know what Cliff Richard's biography is called?

Simon

Cliff Richard's biography is called - Cliff Richard: The Biography.

Oh, Christ.

Amy, is that hair yours, and is anything living in it?

Simon

That's not the GMTV way!

It would be if I had my way, I'd say that hair is fantastic!

Oh, yeah it's all mine...'cause I bought it.

Simon

Did you see Pennie smash up the instruments on GMTV?

I did, and I was in the studio when he did it...

Simon

You must have wanted to smash up the GMTV set though, a couple of times... or at least Fiona Phillips' patronizing witch-face.

Okay, I might do silent humming like I do when something really awful is happening.

Simon

Okay... You also went out with, um-

This is a weird show, man...I've only ever seen it on T.V, and it's just not like this. It's not usually hectoring of day-time T.V presenters. She's humming to herself! Look, she's been around the block, she's knocked off a few dudes in her time!!

Simon

But we want to know, we want to know about Penny's love life, don't we?

No, I don't think we want to know...

Simon

Tell us about going out Paul McKenna, that's exciting.

Whoa! Did you go out with Paul McKenna!?!

Simon

What about John Stapleton, what about him? He's a bit creepy though, isn't he?

Oh, will you stop it with your nonsense.

Simon

Has he ever tried anything on? "The time is seven o'clock. The place is: my lap."

Simon

Didn't you used to do a fashion column for the Daily Mail?

Funnily enough, I did. I've done many strange things in my time.

Simon

What does one wear to a lynching?

Spitting...that would never happen on GMTV.

Simon

Nothing happens on GMTV.