TV show quotes
[The team's search leads them to a storage container, which they find being used as an office crammed full of technology, supplies, and weapons]
[looking around the container] Wow. This is like the TARDIS.
Tard-what?
It's the contraption that Doctor Who travels through time in. Never mind.
Doctor Who? Who watches that?
If you want, I could sing a song for you guys.
We'd rather have an update, Tony.
There was an explosion at a Potomac Electric substation, causing some kind of... wait, what is it? Uh, begins with a "C", rhymes with... "parade sailor"?
Cascade failure?
Cascade failure! God, you're good at this, McGee! So that chain reaction knocked out power in half the District. PEPCO says they'll have it back up soon.
Cannot happen soon enough. I'm sure Gibbs is feeling right at home.
Well, you don't need electricity to use hand tools or drink a bottle of bourbon. [laughs]
[from inside the elevator] He's right behind you, isn't he?
[realizes] Yes, he is. Boss, you know, there's nothing wrong with the occasional cocktail.
[about his murdered wife] There's a lot of things I never knew about Emma, but one thing's for certain: she was a fighter. Stubborn as hell.
Yeah, I've been there.
Emma had to do it, right? She didn't have a choice.
No, she had a choice. That's what makes her a hero.
Baby, I'm amazed. A maze of maize.
What?!
Maize. It's the Indian word for corn.
The Indian word for corn is maki.
Not Indians from India! Indians from, you know, here!
Well if they were Indians from here then we would be called American Indians, you dork.
[laughs] They'd be called Native Americans, Miss Citizenship Test.
What can I do for you, Gibblet? Sorry, kind of a seasonal play on your -- I'm ready, sir.
[hands over a phone] Turn this into pictures.
I thought you were going to give me something hard! So, what are you bringing to Ducky's dinner?
Not sure I'm going.
What do you mean you're not going?! Who's going to carve the turkey? Who's going to watch the game with me? Who's going to eat too much pie?!
We sold battle scenarios to game designers in China! They paid a lot.
You and your sister Debra?
Yes. Debra made contacts through her trips to Asia for her firm.
C Ten Dynamics?
We took some of the money, Debra and I, the rest we gave to families! Stattler made a ton of money off those kids, never gave anything back! It was old information! Useless!
Frequency jamming signals.
For Balistic Winter. That system was being phased out.
It's still classified.
Technically, but --
Which makes it technically treason.
Let her go.
[sees Gibbs, Ziva and Tony with their pistols pointed at him] Back off! I'll kill her!
Angela, look at me.
Move back! Now!
Ziva?
Got it.
She'll miss.
What's the probability of that?
Based on the temperature and humidity, no wind, half moon, good light, 97.6%.
Last chance, Norvell.
Move or I'll do it.
[to Ziva] Take it. (She does - and gets the head shot she was aiming for)
A toast! Close friends and dear family all. A bountiful thanks and good things for Fall!
And to all a good night! [pause] Wrong holiday.
You're not taking the elevator?
Nope. Took the stairs. It's all about the cardio these days.
You have been looking increasingly Kate Mossius there McTim. What are you down? Two? Three pounds?
Fifteen pounds actually and thank you for noticing.
[reading Ducky's Thanksgiving dinner invitation] I think you misspelled the word "fixings."
Are you letting some blond bombshell baste your bird, Tony?
No, this bird's flying solo to a poker tournament at the Big Bend Indian Casino. They've got an all-you-can-eat crab buffet.
Pilgrims and Indians gambling together. That warms the heart.
[to Ducky] What about your mother, Ducky?
Mother is comfortable, thank you. Staff take good care of her. Oh dear, she barely recognizes me when I visit. Well then. That leaves me with a twenty-pound bird and enough trimmings to feed Cox's Army.
DiNozzo, you're with me.
Satler Institute? Oh, Boss, shouldn't McSmarty Pants go to the nerd theme park?!
It's freezing this morning.
Man up, chilly willy. Feel that warm blood coursing through your veins. Get in touch with your inner McGrizzly Adams.
Well I've got hand warmers.
Give me one.
No.
I'm not cold at all.
You're coldblooded David, like a lady Komodo dragon; ice queen, frigid and deadly.
And I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
I'll give you fifty bucks for it right now.
It wouldn't fit. You're too big.
[desperately] It'll stretch. Turn 'em over.
Fruit of the month might be good. Maybe a foot massager.
Tony, I never pegged you as a catalog shopper.
Well, that's because I'm not, tiny Tim, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took these from my neighbor's doorstep.
You stole them?
The doorstep is considered a common area. I would never steal mail, that's a federal offense. Oh! Hold the phone Malone! A little bit of lingerie! Nice! What do you get for the shrew who has everything?
Is this for the secret Santa?
How did I end up with Dolores Brahmstead from Human Resources? She's a miserable grinch of a woman.
I can't argue with you there. I once wished her a happy Valentine's Day and she claimed sexual harassment.
Have you ever seen her smile?
No.
Stop it both of you! She is a single, middle aged, lonely woman. Have some compassion!
It must be tough, living up there on Mount Crumpet. Plotting to take Christmas away from poor Cindy Loo Who.
These chocolates are delicious!
Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
It's my metabolism slowing with age. It's nothing a post-holiday cleanse won't cure.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
