Any tattoos Ducky?
Ahh, a direct query, demanding a direct response, which in this case is a direct no.
S4 E18Iceman
MMike
[to Gibbs] We're getting more alike you and me, Probie. Even feeling the same pain. I don't know how you didn't go crazy when you lost your little girl, maybe you did for awhile; maybe you still are. But I just know I've got to do what's right for my boy... I owe him that.
Ever tell your dad what you were up to Probie?
Everyday!
...Wrong person to ask.
[her eyes are closed] Do you think it's ESP? [Gibbs walks out] I mean, that you always know when I find something, and if it is ESP, are you reading my mind, or am I sending you some sort of brain thoughts out of my head and into yours? [she turns around, opens her eyes, realizing he's not here and shuts them again] Come back Gibbs. Come back Gibbs.
There is nothing lucky about waking up at your own autopsy Probie.
Well... at least you know you're not dead.
[about the morgue] This is the place, where death rejoices in teaching the living!
I found this, in his left trouser pocket. It's organic.
Illegal?
We could smoke it and find out.
S4 E19Grace Period
PCPaula Cassidy
I'm not convinced that it wasn't this guy. I mean, how do we know Ducky didn't make a mistake?
Tony.
Because Ducky doesn't make mistakes, Paula.
Which means what you saw yesterday was, by definition, mistaken.
PCPaula Cassidy
Look, even if he did die the day before, it doesn't mean he wasn't involved. Right? Tony?
She does have a valid point, Ziva.
PCPaula Cassidy
We don't even know what his cause of death is. For all we know he could've committed suicide!
A suicide bomber who commits suicide before his bombing? That doesn't make any sense!
No! It doesn't! But it does raise an interesting point. Imagine, if you will, ladies. An assisted suicide of a suicide bomber who suicided before his suicide bombing. It's kinda like how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wo--
[Head-slaps Tony] DiNozzo, what the hell is wrong with you?
I am just trying to lighten the mood of the room a little bit, boss.
I got a better way: Leave. And take her with you.
That works for me.
Works for me, too, David.
Da-veed!
Technically, it was a squatting hug, or squg.
S4 E20Cover Story
The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
Beer pong.
Huh?
This is tragic, don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie.
[McGee stares at Tony]
What did you do at MIT?
Study.
Figures.
Was no secret he was writing about us.
Oh, come on, it's not about us. I mean the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart?
And the memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen?
Yeah. Where's he gettin' that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets?
When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis?
Yeah, I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming? I don't even know what that is.
Yeah, totally unrealistic.
Would never happen.
[awkward silence]
From what I hear, Timothy, in your next novel, L.J. Tibbs has a love interest. Yes. I hear that it's an Army...
Ducky, I don't think we need to talk about that.
Army what? McGee?
[reluctantly] Lieutenant... Colonel. Lieutenant colonel.
S4 E21Brothers In Arms
I sure wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall up there. [Ziva looks confused] Never mind.
What've you got, Abs?
Oh, your usual incriminating evidence, all circumstantial, but beggars can't be choosers.
Have you ever seen anyone walk that quickly in heels?
Only at the end of a really hairy date.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.