Table's cold.
None of my other patients ever complained.
Sorry, thought it might be nice for you to have someone to talk to for a change.
Oh, I always talk to my guests. The difference here is, you talk back.
S4 E16Dead Man Walking
[McGee has to wear hospital scrubs while Abby tests his clothes for radiation.]
Clothes make the man, what does that make McGee?
Male nurse?
No, Aquasmurf.
Found something.
Is it dangerous?
Do you want kids...? Kidding.
Sorry, felt a little dizzy.
I have to get you into bed. Oh, I ...
I'm not saying anything.
Sorry, it's the English.
I have been working for thirty straight hours!
This is my fourth cup of the day!
Mossad. Hot liquid. Let her have it, McGee.
Thanks.
Would you think you'd have noticed... that I was no longer there? That I'd stopped running.
Yes. I would've noticed... I would have missed seeing you.
But eventually you'd have forgotten me.
Yes... [takes Roy's hand] I won't forget you now.
[Tony is obsessing about the cost of McGee's new jacket.]
Who's the designer?
Why do you assume I know?
Because...
Because-because I'm a woman? Because I'm Jewish?
Because you're a great detective.
...True.
They say the clothes make the man.
He's not a man, he's a McGee.
S4 E17Skeletons
(to McGee, holding a dollar bill and a candy bar) Give me a dollar.
Okay. What's wrong with that one?
The machine wouldn't take it. And I want a candy bar.
What's wrong with that candy bar?
It has nougat in it.
But you hate nougat.
I know! It was a mistake, McGee! Do you have a dollar?!
All I have are big bills.
What is nougat?
It's whipped dolphin fat.
No. That's the filling in Klowny Kake.
That is a myth. [Shouts] Would someone please give me a dollar?!
(silence)
Sure, I got one.
(Abby walks over and snatches it from him)
Thanks. God, it's like some kind of crime to not like nougat! [Leaves]
I don't even know what nougat is!
It's a cream, made from sugar, honey and nuts. Grab your gear. Got an explosion at a Marine's funeral in James River National.
Did anyone else see what just happened there with Abby?
Yeah. She stole my dollar.
She definitely seemed Un-Abby.
Who?
Abby.
Abby's unhappy?
No. Abby's Un-Abby. I need you to focus here, okay? Pitch in. I'll talk to her when I can.
Why you?
Because dealing with an angry woman requires a great deal of sensitivity. Clearly not an area of expertise for you.
Well, I don't doubt that you have more experience with angry women.
See? That wasn't very sensitive, was it?
The man has one serious relationship and all of the sudden, he's an expert.
All right, there is one clear-cut, undeniable reason why I should be the one to talk to Abby: She owes me a dollar.
I was right, wasn't I? There is something wrong with Abby.
Let it go, Probie.
Why?
Because I'm pretty sure it was something you did.
DiNozzo, David, wait here.
You sure about that, Boss...? Of course, because if you weren't, you'd be saying, "DiNozzo, David, follow me." PROBIE, STOP IT!
[Ducky and Palmer are piecing together some skeletal remains and discussing death rituals]
[...]
[...] Humerus
I suppose it depends on what you find funny. [Ducky holds up the humerus] Oh.
David, DiNozzo, perimeter.
You sure you don't want us to help you in there boss...? Of course not, because if you did, you would have said, "David, DiNozzo, follow me." PROBIE, STOP IT!
S4 E18Iceman
Well, well. Look who's finally here.
Oh, like you've never been late, left early, or gone mysteriously missing.
Oh no, that's my point exactly. Tardiness is my middle name. In fact, it's expected of me. You, on the other hand, have become the poster girl for punctuality.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.