Boss, I told her. The Deputy Secretary of State.
Yeah. Did it work?
Well, she submitted a formal complaint to the Director.
McGee... Good job.
S2 E10Chained
You can't drown in a stream, Jeffery. You can get wet, you can get frickin' freezing, but you can't drown!
S2 E11Black Water
Do you suspect foul play?
Well, you know me, Ducky. I suspect everything.
Yes, that's an admirable trait for an investigator. And also, I suspect, the reason your three marriages ended in divorce.
Really? And all this time, I thought it was because I'm a bastard.
DiNozzo! Grab the gear and see if McGee is still alive.
On it, boss!
(Tony's Cell Phone Is Ringing)
Are you going to answer that?
I'm in hell, Kate.
Well, do they have money there? Because you owe me... forty three dollars and eighty six cents for lunch this week.
I will gladly pay you today if you'll answer this call for me.
Yeah? Who is it?
Crazy ex-girlfriend. Haven't seen her since college.
Stalker?
More like a stalk-him.
What do you want me to say to her?
I don't know. Tell her you're my wife or something. She's been calling nonstop for two days. So I'm begging you here, Kate. Please.
You pay me back today.
Sure.
(Into Phone) Hello? Me? Oh, I am Tony's wife. Uh, yes. We got married a few years ago. (Whispers To Tony) We have kids? (Into Phone) Two. Yes. And we're very, very happy. So please don't call back again. (To Tony) I feel like I need a shower. (Hangs Up Phone)
Pay the lady, Probie.
He bet me forty dollars he could get you to say you're his wife today.
Tony, I'm going to kill you.
S2 E12Doppelgänger
[yelling] What?!
[pulls the phone from his ear, looks at it, puts it back to his ear] Yikes, Abby. What did McGee do now?
Put his size 10 shoe in his size 12 mouth.
Are you wishing you were a computer geek?
I'd rather be homeless than be you, Probie.
You, blood spatters!
(hangs head and shuffles away) Yo ho heave ho...
You just ruled out both suspects.
No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.
[McGee dials Gibbs. Cut to Gibbs making out with Karen. He picks up the phone.]
Gibbs.
Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-
McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.
[McGee tries to hand the phone to Abby, she dives out of the way.]
NNiles
Wow, I'm amazed you found that.
Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.
NNiles
Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.
[...]
He wanted us to look for a body.
We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.
NNiles
Man, I got to meet this woman.
She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...
NNiles
She Goth?
Uh-huh.
NNiles
I love Goth.
Nobody gets everything right the first time, McGee. Except Gibbs.
It's more addictive than pistachios.
[Odd looks from Gibbs and McGee]
Well, have you ever just eaten one pistachio?
One man's Linux is another man's OS/2
S2 E13The Meat Puzzle
Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
[grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
[referring to Ducky's elderly mother] Her last words to me were either "I'm gonna slit your throat" or "kiss your moat." I couldn't tell 'cause she was slurring.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.