TV show quotes
You mind if we search it?
Yeah. Yeah, I do. I need probable cause. I don't think you meet that threshold.
[looks at Gibbs in amusement] You a law student?
Criminology major
Good. But today you're gonna get a practical education to see how the system really works firsthand.
[McGee's cellphone is ringing]
[looks at phone] Delilah! A videochat!
[Tony grins as he answers the call, then...]
[horrified] Oh my god, you're very naked!
[Delilah is heard screaming from the phone speaker]
Uh, sorry! [turns off phone]
[matter-of-factly] Teach you not to answer other people's phones, DiNozzo.
[Abby asked Tony and Bishop to do a background check on a park ranger from the previous episode]
We also have his yearly salaries, favorite bands and his political positions on everything from the Middle East to Middle-earth.
Which he's a big fan of, by the way.
I can handle Middle Earth.
All I'm saying is that you'd want to be evaluated for sleep apnea.
It's called snoring, ok? And you did your fair share while I was trying to sleep, too.
[Ducky's flashback to his time has a young medical doctor]
[to Ducky] It's time to update your wardrobe. You're a medical doctor, not Doctor Who.
[Ducky's flashback]
[receives a phone call during his going-away party] Hello, this is Doctor Mallard... How on earth did that happen? [exasperated] How should I know? I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian, Mother...! Hello... hello? [hangs up; to his friends] Bloody corgis got into the liquor cabinet again!
[sees Ducky brandishing a decades-old scalpel] And what are you gonna do with that? Give me a paper cut?
[nonchalantly] I doubt the blade is clean. Infections can be deadly.
Give me that knife.
[Ducky cuts Godfrey's arm]
[looks down at his arm] This was my favorite suit. I take it back. I'm going to take my time with you, too.
I can still save your life.
[laughs] Oh, yeah?
There is still time.
All mouth and no trousers, this one...
[Godfrey shakes his head, suddenly dizzy.]
You feeling light-headed? [shows the scalpel] I just nicked your brachial artery. You'll be dead in less than 90 seconds.
Why didn't you ever marry? You had so much love to give.
A colleague, a very good friend of mine, lost his soulmate. And then he nearly wrecked his life marrying the wrong woman over and over, trying to find her again. I...chose to skip that part.
[catches Tony and McGee reading a men's magazine] You don't have to change the subject. I'm not the sex police.
How kind you are.
Um, hello? I'm married. I have more sex than the two of you combined.
From what I hear, that's not how that works.
I read somewhere that NASA's sending data to the moon at 662 megabits per second. Word is, if by using each color on the light spectrum, that transfer speed could be multiplied. [Dr. Havana stares at McGee] Johns Hopkins. And MIT.
Humblebrag.
Don't worry, I'm a Caltech man. Sworn enemies don't get extra credit.
Aren't both of your mascots beavers?
[McGee and Dr. Havana stare at Bishop]
[The Secretary of the Navy is waiting for Gibbs and Vance in a basement men's restroom]
[looks at the row of urinals] How do you do it? It's like pigs at a trough.
In some places it really is a trough, ma'am. [he and Vance look at each other] Fenway, Wrigley...
Mm-hmm, mostly stadiums.
[to the NCIS team] Call me Leia
Like the princess.
I hate Star Wars.
[takes offense] Nobody hates Star Wars!
[smirks] You do when you're named Leia, Agent DiNozzo.
[to Gibbs] If half of what I heard about NCIS is true, you guys must have something the FBI doesn't.
Who are you what are you doing here and who's the twenty-seventh President of the United States?
[flirting with Agent Pendergrast] You know what "Tony" is spelled backwards? Y not?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
