Timothy McGee quotes from NCIS

Jeanne Benoit? Really?

McGee

You're lurking.

Tony

I'm gathering data.

McGee

Ah, Bishop.

Tony

Yeah, she just got back from Oklahoma. Visiting the fam. Trying to figure out whether Jake's still in the picture or not.

Tony

Still wearing her wedding ring.

McGee

Seems in good spirits.

Tony

She dumped Jake.

McGee

They're still married.

Tony

What?

McGee

What? This Opposite Day or something?

Tony

No, every day is Opposite Day when it comes to a woman. Especially a woman scorned.

McGee

And Jake did some serious scorning.

Tony

He's a dead man. Bishop's the last person you'd expect to slit someone's throat in their sleep.

McGee

Which would make her the first.

Bishop

You know I can hear every word you're saying.

Bishop

It's the skylight. The angle causes an acoustic reflection from the stairs to my desk.

Tony

Really?

Bishop

Mm-hmm, just like Nancy at the Far East desk can hear everything I say.

Tony

Nancy, can you hear me?

McGee

Hey, Nancy.

Tony

Wow. I've been here 15 years, I... That's how he does it.

McGee

How who does what?

Tony

Gibbs. That's how he knows everything we're saying. There must be a sweet spot in this room. A little acoustic......where he can hear every single thing we say. I bet you he comes in here early and he waits, bides his time, like a howler monkey in heat waiting for exactly the right moment to...

Gibbs

Step in and finish your sentence?

Tony

Exactly. Thank you, boss.

Gibbs

Howler monkey?

Tony

Well, yeah. You know, primates are fascinating. I've been watching a lot of Discovery Channel.

[tracing a miniature dog tracker] Got a match!

Tony DiNozzo

Oh, good.

But I can't tell you who.

Why not?

Because you don't have a warrant. This is private information. I know the legal system thinks of animals as property, but I don't. Whatever dog this came out of has the same rights as you and me.

It didn't come out of a dog, it came out of a person.

Tony DiNozzo

Your product is being used in human trafficking.

Oh, my goodness.

I hate hospitals. You can't shake the smell of antiseptic...

Will you stop complaining? You're not the one who had to drop trou in front of Nurse Ratchet. Where's Gibbs?

Tony DiNozzo

He's, uh... upstairs, MTAC, talking to Vance.

What?

Tony DiNozzo

It's just... a nice look, the neon chin strap. You guys stop by a rave on the way back from the hospital?

Look, the ER ran out of bandages, all right? They had to borrow from pediatrics.

[looking around] Old friends and new... But not the one I expected.

Tony

I'm here.

[looks to his right] DiNozzo... I had no idea she'd be in the farmhouse. You know that.

Tony

Do I?

It was nothing personal, strictly business.

McGee

It is personal. It's Ziva!

Tony

She was my family.

McGee

We gotta go. Talk to you on Monday.

Oh, you guys are late to spinning class or something?

Bishop

Uh, no, Gibbs is famous for coming in just before the weekend starts and saying––

Gibbs

[walks into the room] Grab your gear.

McGee

[hopefully] That a well-timed illustration, boss?

Gibbs

[ignores McGee] Got a death in Quantico.

McGee

[about his email account issues] It's like it disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle of electronic transmissions.

McGee, just turn it off and on; that's what I do.

McGee

Director Vance. You know, pre-wedding tension.

Leon Vance

As someone who was also married to a strong, intelligent woman, may I give you some advice, Agent McGee?

McGee

Don't blow it?

Leon Vance

(solemnly) No: never take it for granted. Not for one second. (smiles) And don't blow it.

McGee

Abby, can I call you back?

Abby

No, you can't. I mean, everything's fine and there's no reason to panic.

McGee

Then why do you sound panicky?

Delilah

My water broke, Tim!

McGee

Delilah?

Abby

I-I just, I went over to your place for breakfast and it just happened.

McGee

Uh, uh, are-are you okay? Is she okay?

Delilah

I'm okay!

Abby

She's okay. She's-she's just, she's breathing really hard.

McGee

How did this happen? I mean, you're not due for another three weeks.

Delilah

Well, apparently, the babies had other plans, darling.

Abby

Just meet us at the hospital!

McGee

Wait. Wait, Abbs.