Ziva David quotes from NCIS

Ziva

Where did all these people come from?

Tony

Didn't you see the signs? It's yard sale day.

Ziva

I see. And do Marines sell their yards often?

McGee

No. It's actually when people gather stuff they don't want anymore and sell them in their yards.

Ziva

Why would anybody want to buy somebody else's junk?

Tony

One man's junk is another man's treasure.

Ziva

In Israel we have a saying: "zevel, zeh zevel". [Tony and McGee look at Ziva, confused] "Crap is crap."

Tony

Hey, quit feeling sorry for yourself. Do what you do best.

McGee

What, you mean screwing up?

Tony

No, finding answers when no one else can.

Ziva

That was nice of you.

Tony

Never kick a probie when he's down, Ziva.

Ziva

I thought the expression was "dog."

Tony

Same difference.

Tony

Okay, this guy isn't smart enough to cover his tracks.

McGee

He's doing pretty well so far.

Tony

He does online auctions from his laptop. Super collectibles.

Ziva

Ultra collectibles and auctions dot com. Can we trace him?

McGee

If we can pinpoint some of his items. Do you know what he sells?

Tony

Star Wars stuff.

McGee

That narrows it down to like 50 million people.

Tony

Uh, some kind of figurine. There's only three of them?

McGee

Yoda? C3PO? Storm trooper?

Ziva

Wookiee. It is a special edition prototype from 1978. It comes equipped with an ammo belt. There are only three in existence.

McGee

A Star Wars junkie, huh?

Ziva

Not especially.

Tony

She has a photographic memory, probie, not a social disorder.

Tony

If things get hairy, just follow my lead.

Ziva

I don't need a babysitter, Tony, I have been in hundreds of these situations.

Tony

Never with me. As far as I'm concerned, you're a probie.

Ziva

I've never had sex with you either - does that mean I'm a virgin?

Ziva

Don't be embarrassed Tony, I find the taste of honeydust to be extremely erotic.

Tony

What a coincidence, so do I.

Gibbs

(head slaps Tony) I don't.

Ziva

You really believe this is an obsessed voyeur? The women identity's were protected by masks.

Gibbs

Half a mask.

Ziva

Still, the odds of finding him off a list that size...

Gibbs

Are better than the odds of you winning this argument.

Ziva

Are you sure these are corpse-smelling dogs?

Tony

Of course. That's why they're alerting to McGee. He's been a dead man since yesterday.

Ziva

How did you end up here, McGee?

McGee

Well, I rode in the back of the van you may have noticed my screaming as Tony ran that light.

Ziva

Not here here, at NCIS. I know Tony's story, what's yours?

McGee

You want the long version or the short version?

Tony

Oh, there's only one version. McGee showed up on our doorstep like a little lost poodle.

McGee

That is not true Ziva!

Tony

No, you're right. It was more like a St Bernard.

Ziva

Frank Connell is a deacon at his church, never had a moving violation, let alone a parking ticket, and he calls his mother every Sunday. The man is spic and spam.

Tony

The saying is "spic and span." Spam is lunch meat.

Ziva

Oh. What exactly is span then?

Tony

Span is, uh... I'll get back to you on that.

Ziva

The boy has remarkable memory. There's also someone here from Social Security to pick him up.

Gibbs

Services, Ziva. Social Security is for older people.

Ziva

Noted.

Ziva

They owed me a favor.

McGee

How many people owe you a favor?

Ziva

How many dates has Tony in a month?

Gibbs

Commander Tanner's been gone for forty-seven hours.

Ziva

If he's not dead, he soon will be.

McGee

Maybe we can convince her to change her mind about the lawyer?

Ziva

Oh, I can convince her of far more than that.

Gibbs

How long?

Ziva

Not long.

Gibbs

McGee, you thirsty? Come on, I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Tony

New hires just keep getting younger, eh Madam Director?

(smiling) Obviously you didn't get the memo, Agent Dinozzo!

Tony

(confused as he keeps up with all memos and emails) What memo?

Ziva

The one where it explains the next person to call her "Madam" gets keelhauled, what ever that is.

Tony

(grimacing) It's... uh (struggles to think of how to describe it)

Unpleasant!

McGee

It's a matter of opinion, Tony so how could it be wrong?

Tony

It's just a matter of you having the wrong opinion!

Ziva

(groans) Why don't you just agree to disagree?

McGee

I don't agree to that!

Tony

Boss? The way the director cut her hair? Do you like it?

Gibbs

She cut her hair?

Ziva

What are you doing?

Tony

I'm trying to picture you pregnant.

Ziva

Don't!

Tony

I have to, I'm gonna be a father! It's a great responsibility.

Ziva

Maybe it's not yours.

Tony

Maybe she didn't know.

Ziva

Oh, she knew.

Tony

Then why take this contract? Put our unborn child in danger?

Ziva

Maybe we needed the money.

Tony

Kids are expensive...

Ziva

And bullets are cheap. There is a big chance that this meeting is a set-up, Tony.

Tony

Are you scared?

Ziva

No... excited.