Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

[re: Captain Wallace] Doin' a little street fighting.

Ducky

Presumably he took his role as a vigilante quite seriously.

Gibbs

Come on, Duck.

Ducky

[chuckles] I take it you do not approve.

Gibbs

Duck, it's not their job, they could get hurt.

Ducky

Jethro, most of them already have been. Aside from their love of comic books, what most of these crime fighters have in common is being victims of violent crime themselves, or abuse, or tragedy. I mean, take a look at Captain Wallace. [shows Gibbs a file] His wife died in childbirth, and then his daughter died when a balcony collapsed in a shopping mall.

Gibbs

McGee said his specialty was building code violations.

Ducky

It's hardly a coincidence. Whereas others might have succumbed to depression, or drug abuse, these men and women have channeled their angst into something positive. Who's to judge?

Tony

Boss local leos outside say there's a woman outside who claims to be the victims doctor.

Gibbs

Let her in.

Tony

Doctor Kates sister.

Vance

I got a call from SECNAV.

Gibbs

Oh great.

Vance

No it wasn't.

Gibbs

Did somebody steal those golf bags?

Vance

You know, I envy you Gibbs. You don't have to put up with the politics. When I get the boot or drop dead in this chair, don't take the job.

Gibbs

[chuckles] I hear ya. Loud and clear.

Gibbs

Dorneget! [Dorneget turns and looks at him in shock, Gibbs motions him over] Come here. Gear up. You're going with McGee.

Gear up? [Gibbs looks at him] For a field assignment?

Gibbs

I think you're ready.

But I need to be back at the evidence locker.

Gibbs

I'll handle it.

Vance

You all right, Dorneget?

Yes sir. [run to the elevator]

Shouldn't someone be reading me my rights?

Gibbs

You have no rights! You're a terrorist on a U.S. Navy vessel, and we're invoking the PATRIOT Act.

Tony

Please, who really likes weddings anyway?

Ziva

There's nothing good about them.

Tony

Weird uncles making inappropriate toasts.

Ziva

Rubbery chicken enhanced by cheap wine.

Tony

Cheesy music and children. Rental tuxedos.

Ziva

The bouquet, the garter, the cake --

Tony

The fittings.

Ziva

The fittings. The fittings! We're not even to the actual ceremony yet.

Tony

The vows.

Ziva

The ring.

Tony

The kiss.

Ziva

The ketubah.

Tony

I don't even know what I'd do if I had to deal with all of that.

Ziva

Elope?

Gibbs

Yeah, well, it worked for me.

Palmer

Doctor Mallard, I've been holding on to the body for the family. No one ever contacted us.

Ducky

Well, claiming the remains of wanted men has always been taboo, Mr. Palmer. Forensic historians have shown more interest in their bodies than family members. That's why John Wilkes Booth has always been a fascination for me. You see, his --

Gibbs

Duck, you're not here, remember?

Ducky

Yes, but I am alive, and until I am embalmed and buried there will be stories to tell, and I look forward to telling them.

Gibbs

Things odd, Abby? What's odd?

Abby

The bullet that killed Midge. It's nasty. It's like way nastier than any standard .32 I've ever seen.

Gibbs

It looks pretty standard to me.

Abby

Yeah, but look closer. It's covered in mold spores, and old mold, like sixty years, which means it's a very old bullet.

Gibbs

From where?

Abby

Well, my first thought is this assassin from the past. He stumbles through a tear in the space-time continuum.

Gibbs

Or from somebody's old gun.

Abby

That was my second thought.

Ziva

The most remarkable thing about him was how unremarkable he was.

McGee

And whatever the motive for his murder is.

Gibbs

You got nothing.

Tony

Sounds worse when you say it like that.

Gibbs

Not worse. Wrong. We got something. Got a dead Marine [walks past Ziva, Tony and McGee, who all look uncomfortable]

Gibbs

Tell me you got something, Abs.

Abby

I do.

Abby

Much better.

Gibbs

I don't know where to start.

Abby

Well, it's just that ever since the "kaboom", you should've been walking around looking like Mr Sourpuss but I know that on the inside you're one of the kindest people I know. So I thought it would be nice if today your outside reflected your inside. I know what you did for Ducky. It was very, very sweet.

Gibbs

Okay, Duck. The fun is over. We can get you out of the bullpen now.

Ducky

I thought I might assist with the paperwork.

Gibbs

No, McGee can take care of that. The only place you're going is autopsy.

Ducky

Back to --

Gibbs

You've been cleared for duty, Duck.

Ducky

Oh, how wonderful! Back to -- okay. Well, I suppose I'll just be going back to autopsy. [walks away]

Ziva

[smiles] We are finally whole again.

Abby

[hangs up the phone] Grrrr this guy bugs me!!

Gibbs

Who?

Abby

Mr Vijay-I'm-a-billionaire-and-I-want-my-car-back-right-now Chaya.

Abby

You can tell a lot about someone from their car.

Gibbs

Yeah?

Abby

We can bust this guy if we want to.

Gibbs

Yeah?

Abby

Based on contents of his ashtray, he smokes Cuban cigars.

Gibbs

Abs, that's not a problem.

Abby

He wears $3000 Italian sunglasses and has Justin Bieber on his hard-drive! Can't we arrest him for that?!

It put a smile on my face, hearing that you joined the Corps, Leroy.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Well, you had a lot to do with that, LJ. You were my hero long before you got the Medal of Honor.

Aw...

Gibbs

Yeah. Iwo, Montford Point Marine.

Well, truth be told, I wanted to be a Marine 'cause of that snazzy blue dress uniform with those red stripes, real sharp!

Tony

How'd it go with your father?

Gibbs

No blood shed.