Tony DiNozzo quotes from NCIS

Ziva

Let me guess, those movie trivia works with women in bars?

Tony

Well, something must. 'Cause Tim and I have a pretty fierce date on Friday night. [McGee nods in agreement] And I have to say, we are a force of nature.

Ziva

I see. So women are just waiting for this masculine force?

Tony

Pretty much, yeah.

Ziva

Where he was suspended for shaving. Why do they not want their players to shave?

Tony

Shaving points, Ziva.

Tony

How'd it go with your father?

Gibbs

No blood shed.

Tony

[as he walks into the squad room from the elevator] The sweet smell of recycled air, the hot glare of an annoying skylight, the weird whir of a broken fax machine, another day in paradise!

Ziva

[amused] Well, somebody woke up on the far side of the bed.

Tony

Actually, I sort of did, Ziva. [sarcastically] Thanks to my annoying new neighbors who kept me awake until 5 o'clock this morning.

McGee

Screamers?

Tony

The screamers. Third night in a row.

Ziva

I had neighbors once who never stopped fighting.

Tony

Not that kind of screamer Ziva.

Tony

Ok, ok, have your chuckles. By the way, that was a very good look back in the day.

McGee

For a Bible salesman!

Ziva

Tony, if I were you I would burn that film because you do not want anymore of these getting out there.

Tony

It shouldn't have gotten out at all but it did, thanks to McSnoop Dog here. Now listen, give me that picture because Gibbs cannot get his hands on this, do you understand me?

Gibbs

[walks into squad room] Nice look, helmet-head.

Tony

Hey Boss. It is a transitional phase. You know, the 80's.

Ziva

Are you all right, Tony?

Tony

Can I show you something?

Ziva

Yes. [Tony hands her old photographs] Is this your mother?

Tony

Yes.

Ziva

Wow, she was beautiful.

Tony

Oh. I guess she was.

Ziva

How come you never talk about her?

Tony

I don't?

Ziva

No. No, you don't.

Tony

Hm. Well, I guess she was the first woman to break my heart, and I don't like to talk about things like that.

Ziva

You don't like to talk about it because you don't want to, maybe it causes you too much pain. So she was the one who took you to the movies, huh?

Tony

Yeah. Yeah, we would go to these dollar matinees. We'd make these weekend trips to the city and there was this this theater that she loved over on 42nd Street. It was pretty run down, but she loved movies. I think she loved the escape. This is the last movie we ever saw together, right before she -- The Little Prince.

Ziva

[smiles softly] "That which is essential is invisible to the eye."

Tony

Ziva David, did you just quote a movie?

Ziva

No. I quoted a book that was made into a movie.

Tony

[smiles] Huh.

Tony

[cheerfully] Yup, well, I think the sun is virtually up so let me be the first to wish you Happy Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble. [chuckles, Ziva looks to him in annoyance] How about the boss? Planning the big host this year. Turkey legs by the fire.

Ziva

[irritated] Shut up! I'm sick of you sitting in this car being nice to me!

Tony

[smiles] My deepest apologies.

Ziva

You're only being nice because you want me to tell you what you want to know.

Tony

Then tell me and I'll stop being nice.

Ziva

There's nothing to tell.

Tony

[sigh] Fine. I'll make it up. [loudly] He's a veterinarian.

Ziva

Stop raising your voice.

Tony

I can't be nice, I might as well be loud. Does it make you laugh?

Ziva

[laughs sarcastically] You're such a child. And then you wonder why I cannot talk to you.

Tony

So he's a hilarious veterinarian who likes the opera.

Ziva

Why do you care?! I thought we were past caring about these things.

Tony

Past them? Look, I don't care who the guy is. I just thought, we were, you know, telling each other things about things. The things that..you know, matter.

Ziva

Tony, there is no funny veterinarian. There is no one, actually.

Look, I didn't do nothing.

Tony

Lay off the double negatives. They confuse her. [looks at Ziva]

Gibbs

[answers his phone] Yeah, Duck?

Tony

[British accent] Cheerio, Jethro. You'll be interested to know I've discovered something of rather vital importance.

Gibbs

Nice, Tony. Now put Ducky on.

Tony

[normal voice] Really? I thought that was kinda good.

Tony

Ow!

Ducky

I do not say "cheerio"!

Tony

Got it.

Ziva

Tony DiNozzo, I would like you to meet my very good friend, Shmeil Pinkhas, Middle East historian, philosopher and poet.

Listen to her kvelling. But who can argue with a smile like that? DiNozzo... I think I met somebody of that name at a hotel bar in Geneva. An older version of you, quite dashing...

Tony

[squirming] Let me get this straight... you've met my father?

Nice kid. And such stories! Oh, many I cannot repeat in mixed company.

But he had me laughing!

Tony

Well, if he stuck you with the check, then that's our guy.

Ziva

Tony showed me a picture. She was beautiful.

Inside and out. She was the love of my life, Ziva. Somehow I've never been able to fill up that void... though Lord knows I've gotten into plenty of trouble trying.

May 2, 2-0-1-1. That'd be in... G sector. [points] And by now about 30 feet under. We had a break-in that night. Police came to investigate, shared a laugh... what would anyone steal from a dump?

McGee

[trades a look with Tony] I think we may have the answer.

Tony

Yeah. I know you're a smart guy, Stewie, but how do you remember the exact date of the break-in?

Everybody remembers where they were that day. Don't you? It was the night the Navy SEAL team took out bin Laden.

Ziva

What about my father? McGee!

Ziva

No...

Ziva

ABBA! Abba...

Tony

Who did this?

Ziva

[sighs in relief] You should have knocked.

Tony

I live here!

Ziva

Yeah, and you almost died here too!

Tony

At lo levad. (Hebrew, "You are not alone.")

Ziva

I know.