Tony DiNozzo quotes from NCIS

Tony

Playing? Instead of studying?

Studying?

Tony

Yeah Dorneget. For your GS-11 exam?

What is that? [looks at everyone blankly]

McGee

It's a test that probies used to have to take to become agents. It hasn't been given in years. Gibbs is the last agent I know that took it.

Tony

Ah ah ah. The word is that Director Vance is reinstating that test.

You're messing with me.

Ziva

No he is not. I heard the same thing from Hollander in HR. I'm glad I did not have to take it.

Tony

Whew it's tough. [Ziva secretly smiles] Comprehensive, covers all the rules. Brigs, procedures, it's all in the manuals which you're gonna have to learn by heart. Here comes Vance. You can ask him yourself.

Tony

Dorneget, you're supposed to beat the senior field agent to work.

I'm so sorry but the front desk called me at like 3am.

Tony

Why?

They said I ordered a wake-up call. Can you believe that? It took me forever to get back to sleep and I guess I slept in. I'm sorry Agent DiNozzo. I promise it won't happen again.

Tony

It's Tony when we're on stake out. The idea is we're supposed to blend in.

Right.

Tony

[deadpan] Speaking of which, what in the name of Brooks Brothers are you wearing? You look like exactly what you are. A pubescent federal agent. [Dorneget fidgets, looking extremely uncomfortable]

Ziva

How is Dorneget doing?

Tony

[smiles] He is an easier mark than McGee. I pulled the old 3am wake-up on him.

McGee

Of course you did.

Ziva

[laughs] Give him a break Tony!

Ziva

Anything new on the nanny front?

McGee

Not that I've heard. Vance's search enters its second week.

Tony

Which left his agents feeling like a gaggle of nuns waiting on white smoke from the Vatican chimney.

You boys have four seconds!

Tony

Excuse me? Four seconds for what?

McGee

Tony, run!

Tony

Zeus! Apollo!

So Lemere and I had words. Philosophical differences. He coddled that dog like it was his own kid. Me, I'm not the coddling type.

We've noticed.

Ziva

Where's McGee?

Tony

Maybe he blew away coming to work this morning.

Ziva

Maybe he met someone last night.

Tony

That's doubtful. That would be the reason I would be late.

Ziva

These days, my friend, I'm not so sure.

Tony

You've noticed.

Ziva

Yes! I'm quite aware you've hit a...um... dry spell, recently.

Tony

Like Lawrence of Arabia.

Tony

Telling you, it was more than that.

McGee

Tony, you're letting your imagination get the best of you. Stan [Burley] was not flirting with Ziva.

Tony

Hmm...I noticed it in Italy last year too. [pauses, to McGee] Does Burley look burlier to you?

McGee

Stan's a good guy. Besides, he knows that Ziva is vulnerable right now.

Tony

Ah ha! That's exactly what I'm talking about. You see, he could use that to his advantage, swoop right in like a hawk going in after a sweet, innocent, furry little Israeli.

Thanks. You're too good to me.

Tony

Consider it an engagement present.

Tony

College campuses, always bring back memories, good and bad. Kinda like fathers.

McGee

How long have you been sitting on that transition, Tony? Subtle...

Tony

Between Gibbs, Ziva and myself, there's no reason to beat around the bush when it comes to daddy drop-ins.

McGee

[sarcastically] Yeah, because those all went so well.

Ziva

I should have known Orli was here for Bodnar. I'm sure she wants him dead as badly as I do.

Tony

I doubt that. It's her job, but [Eli] was your father.

Ziva

It's not just her job... Orli was the reason my parents split up. [Tony looks at her, surprised] I did not say anything because I did not think it mattered.

Tony

Did it?

Ziva

She was a young officer, and my father was... weak. And then it just ended. And I always just told myself that that was another rule she broke in order to advance her career. But now I think she was here for the same reason I went to Berlin. Because maybe she loved my father. You know, I keep thinking if it was not for Orli, things would have been different. I would be a different person.

Tony

[takes her hand] Then I should catch her before she leaves. You know, to thank her.

Ziva

I'm sorry if I hurt you in all of this, It was never intended. Tony, I care too much about our....friendship. I do not want it to be awkward between us.

Tony

Hey. [kisses her forehead] Nothing's awkward between friends.

Tony

Sir, instead of wasting time what if I just hang around here, as a visitor doing purely visiting things. [holds his "visitor" ID]

Vance

[smiles] We could use the company.

How was the desert? They say it's the dry heat. [Gibbs flings his scarf into Fornell's face as he walks to his desk]

Tony

Welcome back, Boss.

Gibbs

What've we got?

The usual. Went to hell while you were gone.

Tony

I've got sniper slugs in my living room. The Duckman found a rat in his lab. And, uh, there's a terrorist named Parso...

Gibbs

Yeah I know all that, DiNozzo.

Tony

Of course you do.

Gibbs

Yeah, he's ok. [slaps Parsons hard on the back]

[awkwardly] It's nice to see that you guys are alive and well. [looks at an unimpressed McGee and Tony] Look, I'm sorry about the––

I want my badge back!

[Gibbs looks at him] Yeaaahh. I can understand that. Not a problem. [Fornell looks at Parsons in amusement] Now that the case is, uh... [sees Gibbs looking him intently]...dismissed, I'll talk with Director Vance about it.

Tony

[still unimpressed] Thank you, Dick.

Tony

Ziva.

Ziva

Don’t worry, Tony. We will be okay.

Agent DiNozzo, if you’ll come with us, please.

Tony

You guys selling timeshares?