CCrow
Ladies and... Gypsy! Michael Nelson IS... LORD OF THE DANCE!
Oh!... did the other one die?
CCrow
I dunno...
“Jack Frost” · Season 8
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (20), Tom Servo (15), Mike Nelson (14), Ivan (6), Nastenka (3), Stepmother (3), Gypsy (2), Pearl Forrester (1)
[after Mike finishes a display of dancing] Oh... Um, yaaay! Well, there's this sink I need to take a look at, so I'll just...
[The Stepmother forces Nastenka to knit outside in the night]
Here's a place where you can knit, Nastka, and you won't wake my darling, little Marfushka. The moon is out, there's plenty of light.
MAMike [as the Stepmother]
Chernobyl's on fire, it's great!
[As two characters command a house to turn from one side to another]
CCrow
Come to Knott's Berry Farm and ride the unstable house.
[Pearl returns from dropping off the Space Children, finding Bobo and Brain Guy debating over which ape movie is better: Every Which Way But Loose or Any Which Way You Can ]
What the hell is going on here? Thinking Every Which Way But Loose is the best ape movie... what do you know about ape movies? The best ape movie- the best ape movie- ever is Dunston Checks In; end of story. [adresses the Satelite of Love, unaware Mike is behind her] Until next time, Nelson, fresh pain awaits!
Uh, I'm right here.
Oh... [turns around to face Nelson] ...until next time, Nelson, fresh pain awaits!
[after telling Nastenka to knit socks outside] They better be done by the time the rooster crows, you hear me? Otherwise, I'll tear your braid off!
CCrow
[as Nastenka, singing] M is for the many times you beat me... O is for the other times you beat me...
[To prevent Ivan from killing a mother bear, Nastenka turns a bucket over his head. Father Mushroom then casts a spell. When the bucket is removed, Ivan has been turned in to a bear.]
IIvan
Nastenka!
It was her bucket full of Rogaine.
IIvan
What's the matter?
CACrow [as Ivan]
Am I un-bear-able?
[after Ivan realizes he was turned into a bear]
CCrow
[as Ivan] Damn it, Puck! This time you've gone too far!
IIvan
What did you do to me? What have you done, you witch?!
[as Ivan, crying and running off] Mommy!!
[as Ivan/Yogi] I have to go find a pic-a-nic basket!
Ivanushka!
CCrow
[as Nastenka] We have to register at Club Wed!
Ivan, I swear I didn't do anything to you!
IIvan
[angrily] I curse you! I curse you forever; you witch!
Tonight on a very special Grizzly Adams.
[as Nastenka] Every time I meet a man, he's either gay or a bear!
IIvan
[lamenting over the loon he shot which led him to Nastenka, after he has been turned into a bear] I killed you with an arrow, and you ruin me with a feather!
CCrow
[as Ivan] It's funny when you think about it!
[after Ivan begs Father Mushroom to be told how to undo his curse]
FMFather Mushroom
Alright, listen; vagabound with the head of a bear: just look at yourself and ask...
[as Father Mushroom] Do I crap in the woods?
FMFather Mushroom
...how did you live? You see, you spent all your time boasting about yourself. You loved yourself; only yourself. You offended everyone else.
CCrow
Heed these words, Mike.
FMFather Mushroom
Consider Nastenka; you hurt her feelings.
IIvan
I hurt her feelings?!
FMFather Mushroom
You've never done a good deed, Ivan. Now here's what you must do, take my advice:
[as Father Mushroom] Shave!
CCrow
[as a crowd of people show up mocking Marfushka as she is stuck in a duck pond] And the Freelance Shame Squad is there!
[later the group returns and the camera focuses on a blond-haired boy in the crowd]
It's a young Mike Nelson!
[offended] Hey!
[Father Mushroom is seen observing Ivan from a distance]
Mushroom Guy is really starting to piss me off!
[the Hunchback Fairy offers to lead Ivan to Nastenka, as she pulls out a pig-shaped sled and enchants it]
FFairy
Foul is fair, and fair is foul...
[as sled] Oink, ma'am.
IIvan
What's that?
FFairy
Oh, a fast sleigh that glides through snow; fast, fast as the wind blows, moves by itself over the snow to the place where Nastenka lies. [throws the sled into the snow as it swiftly takes off with Ivan giving chase]
She left it in drive.
FFairy
[calling out to Ivan, chuckling] Look out for my sheepskin coat; it's almost new! Don't forget to bring it back to me!
CCrow
Bring it back to me... ha ha, that's great!
[Grandfather Frost appears and demonstrates his power by spreading snow and frost through the forest]
[as Grandfather Frost] Eat lead, spring!
CCrow
[as Grandfather Frost] I do frost, and I do it well.
[Ivan and Nastenka arrive and bow deeply to greet her family.]
CACrow [as Nastenka]
We spit on your doorstep!
Ptui!
CCrow
Ptui!
MAMike [as her hectored father]
Please take me with you, please, please...
I'd like you to meet...
SAServo [as Nastenka]
Uh, what's your name again?
Ivanushka, my fiance.
CACrow [as Ivan through a forced smile]
I can't look at them, honey; they're horrible.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.