[Joel and Crow shout in horror as Tom explodes in the theater]
CCrow
IT'S ALL OVER THE SEAT!!!
Gotta get him outta here! Come on, Crow!
“Star Force: Fugitive Alien II” · Season 3
In this episode: Tom Servo (16), Joel Robinson (12), Crow T. Robot (10), Ken (5), Joe (3), Narrator (2), Dan (2), Gypsy (1)
TOM SERVO! OH MY GOD! TOM SERVO'S DEAD! He's dying! It must've been that movie! Oh man! We're losing him!
CICrow [imitating William Shatner]
A robot watches a bad film, It renders him unconscious, Next on Emergency 911-- [gets slapped in the beak]
Crow! You gotta snap outta Shatner and help me! It means the life of our friend, Tom Servo!
COCrow [on Shatner mode]
But I must finish Tek-Wars of Venusia... must direct Star Trek 9: The Search For Spock's Intelligence! [breaking character] Hooker's a good cop! Whoa! He's a good-- [gets slapped in the beak again]
Crow, you listen to me and you listen good, I need you to snap out of Shatner. I need you here, now, our friend's life hangs in the balance!
CCrow
[sobs] I'm sorry Joel, I didn't know...
New from the Star Force line of action figures, it's Captain Joe, the boozy, brawling, bloated Bacchus III commander from the beloved Fugitive Alien series!
CCrow
Dizzy Gillespie cheeks sold separately.
Yes, he swaggers, he staggers, and he even talks!
JAJoel [as drunk Joe]
Uh, a fellow would do a lot worse than throwing with the lot of Bacchus 3. Set 'em up, barkeep.
CCrow
Flask and travel bar not included.
Yes, with your Captain Joe action figure, you'll be in a constant state of excitement while he's in a state of denial.
JAJoel [as drunk Joe]
Uh... I only drink on the weekend... I can drink!
Crow Existential void where prohibited.
Sure, he's got a problem, but you don't have to watch him deteriorate! After all, you spent $9.95 for him.
CCrow
Tax and license not included.
You can have hours of fun as you organize a crisis intervention for Captain Joe.
JAJoel [as Ken]
Captain Joe, I am not gonna sit here and watch you deteriorate!
JAJoel [as Barbie]
Captain Joe, when Ken and I had you over to eat, you got drunk on cooking sherry, and made a pass at me, and threw up all over the Malibu Dream House!
JAJoel [as Donatello]
Captain Joe, dude, I loved you, but I'm not gonna sit here and watch you cowa-bungle your life.
And don't forget, kids, if Captain Joe refuses to deal with the issues, you can always...
JCJoel, Crow, and Servo
[singing] Try to kill him with a forklift!
[singing to the film's score] Weee're headed for adventure! We'll leave Tammy behiiind. Weee're gonna pad out the film some more, and you'll fall asleeep- three four- Weee're climbing the sandy hill, like you really caaare...
[starting to get annoyed] That's good... that's plenty.
Sorry.
[waking up after being incapacitated by Rocky] I'll kill that Rocky.
CCrow
Again?
Oh-hooo, hit him.
...
[calling Rocky] Rocky, can you read me?
CCrow
Again?
... stop it.
Rocky!
CCrow
AGAIN?
[snapping] STOP IT!
Well, that was fun, but if I could get a little serious for a moment. Well, I was wondering where we'd be without our boys and girls in shiny red pleather. It makes me proud to know that they're out there, somewhere... :[singing] What can you see, Flying some mystic seas, Fighting for you and me, Captain Joe and the Gang When they pass by, Fitter than pumpkin pie, Steppin' in liquid dye, Time in the blue,
[Ken engages Lord Halkon, leader of the Wolf Raiders, in an aerial dogfight.]
Where have I seen this before?
Oh, I don't know; a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away?
CCrow
Yeah...
Yep.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.