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Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 3

Servo, Crow and others in “Star Force: Fugitive Alien II”

New from the Star Force line of action figures, it's Captain Joe, the boozy, brawling, bloated Bacchus III commander from the beloved Fugitive Alien series!

Dizzy Gillespie cheeks sold separately.

Yes, he swaggers, he staggers, and he even talks!

JAJoel [as drunk Joe]

Uh, a fellow would do a lot worse than throwing with the lot of Bacchus 3. Set 'em up, barkeep.

Flask and travel bar not included.

Yes, with your Captain Joe action figure, you'll be in a constant state of excitement while he's in a state of denial.

JAJoel [as drunk Joe]

Uh... I only drink on the weekend... I can drink!

Crow Existential void where prohibited.

Sure, he's got a problem, but you don't have to watch him deteriorate! After all, you spent $9.95 for him.

Tax and license not included.

You can have hours of fun as you organize a crisis intervention for Captain Joe.

JAJoel [as Ken]

Captain Joe, I am not gonna sit here and watch you deteriorate!

JAJoel [as Barbie]

Captain Joe, when Ken and I had you over to eat, you got drunk on cooking sherry, and made a pass at me, and threw up all over the Malibu Dream House!

JAJoel [as Donatello]

Captain Joe, dude, I loved you, but I'm not gonna sit here and watch you cowa-bungle your life.

And don't forget, kids, if Captain Joe refuses to deal with the issues, you can always...

JCJoel, Crow, and Servo

[singing] Try to kill him with a forklift!

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