Krasker quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Have you been hearing some weird stories recently?

About Chuck Berry?

About telepathy?

I knew you were going to say that.

The fourth dimension?

Servo

Or Marilyn McCoo?

Or ghosts?

Mike

Hmm, no, it doesn't ring a bell. We must have the wrong movie.

The case that I'm working on at the present time involves a little of each.

Hang on a sec here, I've got this one thing.

Me?

Mike

You?

Who am I?

Frankly I've forgotten.

I'm a private investigator. Criminology is my hobby.

I sell parts of my record collection to make ends meet. I also manage a bowling alley... Oh, look, I'm kind of between projects at the moment. [softly] Mike, help me!

My philosophy?

Lots of leather.

It's really hard.

There's a long, complicated explanation to that question.

Servo

[sarcastically] Which he'll be happy to give us.

Wouldn't it be fantastic... to be able to speak to someone who has just passed over?

Servo

Quit squirming.

Why just think! We could find lost articles...

Coupons!

Treasures... Gold mines...

You're not buying any of this, are you?

We could even solve murders... by just contacting the murdered.

I'm so lonely... [sobs]

It takes a while for... temperature attunement.

Uh-huh...

Servo

Yeah.

Warming up.

Sure.

We'll try it again later.

Are you wearing corduroy? 'Cause that affects the radio, you know. You should also wash your hair a lot so the vibrations work.

This's gonna take a while; you wanna hang out? We could play air hockey, but we'd have to be kinda quiet 'cause my dad works third shift...

The problem of communicating with the... departed...

Is that they're dead.