[From the files of Fairyland PD]
AOfficer Al
Some broad named Locks, Goldie Locks, she has barricaded herself in the three bears' house, and she got demands.
AOfficer Al
They keep changin', sometimes the porridge is too hot, then it's too cold, the bed's too hard, the bed's too soft, you know how it is with dames!
[...]
[after Goldie Locks hits him on the head with a frying pan] I think this calls for a little undercover work. [Puts on glasses] Yeah.
CliffordOh, no, Bobo, she'll never fall for that cheap disguise.
We'll see. Yoohoo, miss Locks!
GLGoldie Locks
Say, er, you're not the bear that was here before, you're a... completely different bear.
GLGoldie Locks
I'll be right back.
[singing] I told you, I told you!
GLGoldie Locks
Oh, yoohoo, oh, completely different bear!
Yes? [Goldie hits him on the head with a frying pan] Ow, ow, argh!
Clifford
[singing] I told you, I told you, I told you!
[Miss Piggy is delayed]
Clifford
Heh, heh, man, Whoopi's doing great! She's killing them out there!
Clifford
We may not even need Miss Piggy for the final number.
Let's just hope Miss Piggy doesn't figure that out.
[Cut to Miss Piggy in limo]
Whoopi's doing great, she's killing them out there! They may not even need me for the final number. Oh, I just hope that Clifford doesn't figure that out.
[The Real World Muppets]
DDarci
[singing to Clifford] I hate men, I hate men, all men should die, death to al men, [to Rizzo the Rat] I hate rats too. [not singing] So what'ya think?
[confessional] Mmmm. What could we do? We had to tell her her song was great. she threatened to read us her poetry!
DDarci
[singing to Bobo the Bear] Bears are killers, killers of sheep, killers of Bambi, bears should all die. Kill them, kill them. [not singing] So, what'ya think?
Er, it's a little, little, little one-sided.
DDarci
So, is it because I'm a woman, I'm not supposed to express my opinions?
Oh, oh, no, no, we, er, it's, er, it's easy to dance to.
DDarci
So, that's more like it.
Oh, good, Well, Will you give me the keys to the fridge now, Darci?
[...]
DDarci
...we worked it out. Like all good roommates we came to a compromise.
CBClifford, Bobo and Rizzo
[singing to Darci] We hate angry women, who write songs, who hate men,
CBClifford, Bobo and Rizzo
and who were raised by wolves.
[Clifford is introducing the show]
Clifford
Welcome to Muppets Tonight, the show that has people all over the country saying...
[Cut to Statler and Waldorf]
SWStatler and Waldorf
Where's the remote?!
[Watching the opening at a spa and cafe]
Clifford
Due to a slight guest-star situation, Muppets Tonight has been pre-empted.
SWStatler and Waldorf
Yay!
Clifford
I'm not finished.
SWStatler and Waldorf
Oh!
Clifford
Until we get a new guest star.
Muppets Tonight · 85 quotes
