Toki Wartooth quotes from Metalocalypse

A bunch of caged rats....that's what we are! A bunch of caged rats that are also death metal musicians!

We're the rats and look what's on the other side of the cage.Douchbag.

STSkwisgaar/Toki/Murderface/Pickles

Douchebag

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[dialing a number on his dethfone] Hey we just saw you on TV at the parade! It was awesome! [whispers] Hey when you get back, we're gonna have a surprise party!

Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! [Murderface continues talking] Gimme the phone! GIMME THE PHONE!

HOLD ON! Here's Nathan. [gives phone to Nathan]

Hiiiiiii! WE JUST SAW YOU ON THE PARADE! IT WAS GREAT!

I SAID THAT ALREADY!

Oh yeah! WE'RE HAVING A PARTY FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK!

I SAID THAT ALREADY!

[plugging his other ear] IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!

Ask them what they want at the-

I will! I will! Hold on! Hold on!

Toki

We gets the bounce house!

Tell 'em about the BALLOONS!

WE'RE GONNA HAVE BALLOONS! [Offdensen enters the room] I gotta go, goodbye. [hangs up]

OOffdensen

What were you going on the phone? You're supposed to be doing your jobs.

Jobs? I play bass not to have a job!

OOffdensen

You're supposed to be preparing for the concert! Nathan, you're in charge. How's rehearsal going?

Well it umm... uhhh oh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good.

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OOffdensen

What happened back there, huh? What was that?

We don't know!

Toki

(distressed) We no means it, it was accidenskal! We not at fault!

OOffdensen

"Blood Bath" does not read well in print, you know what I'm saying--

(yelling) WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIIIIIGHT!

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You ever think of just, you know, giving it all up?

Ah, you means, like, kills yourself.

No. What? No, I mean, like, stopping being famous, become a regular old jackoff.

...And so then kill yourself?

No, no, stopping being famou...yeah, you can kill yourself if you want to.

You know, it would be great, to walk down the street, and not be bothered for once.

Toki

Walks where?

I don't know, walk down the street, you know.

Toki

To where?!

I don't know, walk to a store. Walk to a store.

Toki

Then buys it on the internet, have it delivered!

I know I can buy it on the internet, but what if I want to walk to the park, you know, and look at swans?

Toki

Well maybe you should have thought about that before you got famous!

Toki's right.

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OOffdensen

Well..uh, I'm afraid its time to say goodbye to your doubles.

Toki

Why! They stills alive!

OOffdensen

I know they are, Toki.

Then we do we gotta say goodbye to 'em?

OOffdensen

BECAUSE, Pickles, they no longer look like you, that was the point. Their skin is burned, they dont even have features.

What if we burned ourselves to look like dems! Dens maybes we could keeps them!

That would work! You know it would! Come on, lets burn ourselves!

OOffdensen

That is out of the question, Murderface, you are not going to burn-

Your out of the question!

OOffdensen

I'm afraid its time for you to, uh, say goodbye to your doubles now.

Let us do it, its better if they hear it from us. Because we're them, after all.

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Thanks for coming, us.

Toki

Ya know, theres never an easy ways to dos this.

Yeah, but ya know, sometimes, we're out of options, sometimes.

Ya know, business is not personal. And...in this case, its.. it is.. cause its us.. your us.. and..

Ugh. I hate having to say this, but...

Easy, easy, I got a smoother way of, uh, explaining it here. Guys, uh..I don't know..[begins digging into his pocket acting as if he is scratching] itch or cramp 'er something...pulls up his shotgun] See the thing is- [Murderface fires his gun]

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My god, how can you eat that?!

(Mouthful) What are you talking about? This is a hot dog.

How can you even put that in your mouth?

Are you trying to tell me you've never had a hot dog?

No.

Never, never?

No way, I ain't putting anything shaped like that in my mouth!

Toki

What about Banana?

No.

What about sausage?

No, not sausage!

What about that sausage, that was cut up into little pieces?

Uh no, cause it looks- it's like a chopped up cock.

What about like a sandwich?

A flat one?

Yeah.

Yeah, if it were a flat sandwich.

Okay, what about a sandwich shapped like a dick?

NO, that's the point! What kind of sandwiches are shaped like dicks?!

(Chuckling) I don't know, like -

A hot dog? NO!

Man, you think about penises in mouths all the time, don't you?

SHUT UP!!! GOD!

Well you do!

Oh God, give me my wipes!

Well you did, yeah. Yeah you said- you said "Penis in mouth" about a hundred times today.

No, because it was like "Oh, you've never had a hot dog". I just wanted to say "No", and it would be fine. And then "Oh, what about this and what about that" and "No it's like a dick and no it's like a dick". You guys do it all!

Wow, you really keep thinking about dick all day long.

Toki

Yeah, you do. You keeps bringing up the subject.

YOU BRING IT UP! I just said I don't! No, I wanted it over. GOD!

I would eat the hot dogs. (Short Pause) Just putting it out there.

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Hey, am I going crazy or these clothes tight, like extra tight?

Yeah, it feels like I'm this sausage, you know?

Oh, just stop with the innuedos, please?!

It wasn't even an in- I just said "You lept to a conclusion".

I do agree, these clothes are un-fucking-comfortable.

Toki

Well mines fit!

Oh, Toki shut up!

Toki, shut up.

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Okay. We gotta figure out this food bullshit. Toki, Skwisgaar, you guys did some online food research, lets hear it!

Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.

Toki

Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.

What are carkomymrates?

Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...

Toki

Breads...

Uh, paper towels...you know...

Toki

Cleanex and that...

Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?

Well, can't we have at least like a little bread?

I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.

I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.

All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.

So...we starve ourselves a little.

Yeah that's fine.

Sure.

Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?

Hmmm.

Toki

Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.

Yeah that's good I guess.

Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.

That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.

...losing weight by sleeping.

Toki

Hey that's good ideas.

Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.

Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?

Ohh...

[muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...

Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-

SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!

Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?

How could you not eat a Popsicle?!

All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.

Toki

All right! Popscicle!

All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.

Uh, yeah.

Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.

GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!

LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!

I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!

EXTRA CHEESE!

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Rockso. Fuckin' clown. Boy, I really hate that guy.

Yeah, I should fucking horse-whip hims.

Yeah, he is a menace. A home-grown menace.

Toki

Oh, he just misunderstoods.

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Toki

(Dr. Rockso gives him a large version of his own head made of balloons) Oh, wowie, looks just like me! Nathan, look!

(unenthusiastically) Yeah, that's great.

RDr. Rockso

I can make you one.

Uh, yeah...go. To jail, now.

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Toki

Oh no I thinks Dr. Rockso has withdrawals! Whats do wes do? Whats do wes do?!

[pulls out a pistol] Here I got it. [fires his gun into Dr. Rockso, who immediatly falls to the ground]

Toki

You fucking kills him!!

Don't worry, it's an animal tranquilizer gun, you know, left over from the CD release party.

Toki

Oh yeah that was a funs party.

Yeah, that was a fun party.

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Well, normally I’d dread an event like this, but seeing how knotted up it’s gotten you, Pickles, I’m sure I will enjoy it.

Yeah, it’s fun to watch somebody go through family hell.

Weddings are only good for two things; tax breaks and adultery. Hmph, that’s what I say.

Toki

Oh, and kissings and huggings! And opens bar!

Ya, but Toki, takes it easy. Last times I was in charge of yous all night, and yous was a sloppies mess!

Toki

Hey, you don'ts gots to worries about olds Toki.

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[watching an engaged Seth get a lap-dance from a stripper] Boy, there's nothing like love, is there?

Toki

No, it's great!

He's really gonna be a good husband.

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Toki

Who are those goofballs?

Oh, those are Seth's pals, y'know, a couple of high school dropouts who scam on teenage chicks and steal and run crystal meth houses, y'know, beat up kids, rob, lie, possibly kill.

Awesome!

MMitch

Let's go, rich bitch!

BBobby

Hey, fuckin' throw down some cash, we're getting Seth a fuckin' lap dance.

MMitch

Yeah, rich bitch!