OOffdensen
Well..uh, I'm afraid its time to say goodbye to your doubles.
OOffdensen
I know they are, Toki.
Then we do we gotta say goodbye to 'em?
OOffdensen
BECAUSE, Pickles, they no longer look like you, that was the point. Their skin is burned, they dont even have features.
SkwisgaarWhat if we burned ourselves to look like dems! Dens maybes we could keeps them!
That would work! You know it would! Come on, lets burn ourselves!
OOffdensen
That is out of the question, Murderface, you are not going to burn-
Your out of the question!
OOffdensen
I'm afraid its time for you to, uh, say goodbye to your doubles now.
Let us do it, its better if they hear it from us. Because we're them, after all.
Ya know, theres never an easy ways to dos this.
Skwisgaar
Yeah, but ya know, sometimes, we're out of options, sometimes.
Ya know, business is not personal. And...in this case, its.. it is.. cause its us.. your us.. and..
Ugh. I hate having to say this, but...
Easy, easy, I got a smoother way of, uh, explaining it here. Guys, uh..I don't know..[begins digging into his pocket acting as if he is scratching] itch or cramp 'er something...pulls up his shotgun] See the thing is- [Murderface fires his gun]
My god, how can you eat that?!
(Mouthful) What are you talking about? This is a hot dog.
How can you even put that in your mouth?
Are you trying to tell me you've never had a hot dog?
No way, I ain't putting anything shaped like that in my mouth!
Skwisgaar
What about that sausage, that was cut up into little pieces?
Uh no, cause it looks- it's like a chopped up cock.
What about like a sandwich?
Yeah, if it were a flat sandwich.
Okay, what about a sandwich shapped like a dick?
NO, that's the point! What kind of sandwiches are shaped like dicks?!
(Chuckling) I don't know, like -
Man, you think about penises in mouths all the time, don't you?
Oh God, give me my wipes!
Well you did, yeah. Yeah you said- you said "Penis in mouth" about a hundred times today.
No, because it was like "Oh, you've never had a hot dog". I just wanted to say "No", and it would be fine. And then "Oh, what about this and what about that" and "No it's like a dick and no it's like a dick". You guys do it all!
Wow, you really keep thinking about dick all day long.
Yeah, you do. You keeps bringing up the subject.
YOU BRING IT UP! I just said I don't! No, I wanted it over. GOD!
Skwisgaar
I would eat the hot dogs. (Short Pause) Just putting it out there.
Hey, am I going crazy or these clothes tight, like extra tight?
Skwisgaar
Yeah, it feels like I'm this sausage, you know?
Oh, just stop with the innuedos, please?!
Skwisgaar
It wasn't even an in- I just said "You lept to a conclusion".
I do agree, these clothes are un-fucking-comfortable.
Skwisgaar
Toki, shut up.
Okay. We gotta figure out this food bullshit. Toki, Skwisgaar, you guys did some online food research, lets hear it!
Skwisgaar
Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.
Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.
Skwisgaar
Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...
Skwisgaar
Uh, paper towels...you know...
Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?
Well, can't we have at least like a little bread?
I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.
I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.
Skwisgaar
All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.
So...we starve ourselves a little.
Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?
Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.
Skwisgaar
Yeah that's good I guess.
Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.
That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.
...losing weight by sleeping.
Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.
Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?
[muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...
Skwisgaar
Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-
SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!
Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?
How could you not eat a Popsicle?!
Skwisgaar
All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.
All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.
Skwisgaar
Uh, yeah.
Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.
GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!
LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!
Rockso. Fuckin' clown. Boy, I really hate that guy.
Skwisgaar
Yeah, I should fucking horse-whip hims.
Yeah, he is a menace. A home-grown menace.
Oh, he just misunderstoods.
Yeah, uh...you know, you also said that you're the Dethklok song writer.
(clearly pleased with himself) Did I? I, eh, I don't remember.
Yeah...you did. And you've never written anything, ever.
First of all, that's not Dethklok.
You never even completed one song, neither.
That's not to say I'm not capable of writing a song!
(getting angry) In this case, it is to say you're not capable!
I could have written any Dethklok song, I coulda written any of 'em!
But you didn't write any-- but you didn't, though!
Well, I could've invented the, uh, the floor, you know, but I didn't!
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get credit for inventing the floor!
(babbling) That should mean that I don't get credit for it!
Wait a minute, what about the bass-lines, I wrote all the bass-lines! (nudges Pickles, who looks annoyed)
Skwisgaar
You didn'ts write no bass-lines, I figures them out for you and shows them to you!
You know, I'd like to hear you try to write one song!
You-- you'd like to hear me try to write one song?!
Yeah, it, it has to be a complete song!
You'd like to hear me write one complete song?!
OH YES I WILL, BECAUSE I HAVE THIS, SMARTASS, HAHA! (holds up a book called 'Song Writing')
All right, let's hear it, let's go, Simon and Garfunkel!
Skwisgaar
Ya, let's go, Loggins and Messina!
Yeah, let's go, George and Ira Gershwin!
Skwisgaar
Ya, let's go, Rogers and Hammerstein!
Why the hell am I two people?!
Come on, let's go Crosby, Stills and Nash!
Skwisgaar
And Youngs!
And Walter Becker and Donald Fagen!
All right, all right! Just shut up, I need to concentrate. [looks down at his book] Open strong...
That's a great book you got there.
Just shut up and let me think!
Skwisgaar
Less thinkings, more playings! Comes on, grandspa guitar, let's do this!
Well, normally I’d dread an event like this, but seeing how knotted up it’s gotten you, Pickles, I’m sure I will enjoy it.
Yeah, it’s fun to watch somebody go through family hell.
Skwisgaar
Weddings are only good for two things; tax breaks and adultery. Hmph, that’s what I say.
Oh, and kissings and huggings! And opens bar!
Skwisgaar
Ya, but Toki, takes it easy. Last times I was in charge of yous all night, and yous was a sloppies mess!
Hey, you don'ts gots to worries about olds Toki.
SStripper
How 'bout a H-Job?
Skwisgaar
Heys, Pickle! Try nots to gets Hepastitis Cs from dats! Yeah, those girls are pretty skankys.
Yeah, those girls are...I'd do 'em.
Skwisgaar
Yeah, I do dems too.
[nervously] Should we call it a night?
Oh no you fuckin' don't, I just fuckin' ordered shots!
Skwisgaar
Huh, the mid-west. Whoa. A bunch of Swedes cames over two hundred years ago and got fat and ugly. Heh, I loves it.
[drunk] Aaaaw, you know it! Haa hooo! Fats and ugly- [gags and spills his drink]
Skwisgaar
[annoyed] Takes it easy on the sauce.
Aw, yous... takes this on the sauce, yous nots the boss of me. I gonna go gets schnapps, you wants one?
Skwisgaar
Yeah...
This is great. This is some good drama.
You can't. It...it simply is.
It's like an eclipse or something, it's just, you gotta be there.
Skwisgaar
Guys, we gotta leaves, the cops is here!
The pig sirens is goin' off, scramble!
I've never seen so much blood at a wedding. Awesome.
Yeah, you really beat up your brother.
But you just said you hated him, why would...eh.
Yeah, I mean, I hate him, but...
Skwisgaar
Ya but it's not unsposed to make sense. For you see, wes are aimless, hate-filled animals, scamperings away into the nights.
That's rights. For you see, that's what families is. Peoples whats you hates.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Why don't we just start our own P.R.?
Skwisgaar
Yeahs, all its is telling somebody something. And thats what I does right now.
Yeah. And we should do it with the 3 of us right?
Skwisgaar
Yeah, let's do that.
Hey, how comes you don't asks me? The 3, it's the 4 of us.
You were all the way over there, you- you we weren't even- we couldn't even see you.
I just heard everythings and i want to be parts of it too.
Skwisgaar
Tokis, yous toos lates. That's what you gets for trying to play video game.
WHAT'S TOO LATE!?! I STANDS RIGHT HERE! You just excludes me on purpose, you know it!
That's bad P.R. right there.
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
