You wanted to, talk to me ?
No, thank you. I'll stand.
Oh. We, We we wanted to say we're sorry. There. [chuckles] There you go. Get outta here.
You're sorry for... releasing dangerous criminals back into the streets?
No... about calling you a robot.
No you are not... and we know that must have made you feel bad.
SkwisgaarAnds, listens, you's the bests butler we's ever had, so we no wants yous to quit.
I'm uh, not a butler... Nevermind. That's all, then?
That's it. I mean, uh, we're glad you forced us out there again. Y'know, it felt good. Y-y-y'know, couple of things I would have done differently though, y'know, whatever ...
You mean like, not blind the stage driver and crash it into a prison of dangerous criminals?
Heheh - no, that was a happy accident. Eeehh.
Skwisgaar
Hey! Whats the hells you doings right now?
Why it's gots to be about you? Whats about my guitar playings?
Skwisgaar
Heh, whats about it, you know?
I’m the guitarist too, Skwisgaar! Sometimes you forget. I wants to play the scales and the notes and everything likes you! But you don’ts lets me, YOU DON’TS LETS ME!
Skwisgaar
You're totallys attacking me right now!
HE’S HOLDING ME BACKS, EVERYBODY! I’M A GUITARIST TOO!! [throws down his guitar and walks off.] You know it!
Skwisgaar
Oh Toki, its adorables, you really wants to takes more solos, but I am the lead guitarist, you know, why? because I ams, hows do you says, way more gooders than you.
Dat's why I needs me a piano teacher!
Skwisgaar
You mean guitar teacher.
Skwisgaar
Looks looks, I give you guitar lesson huh? Takes you under my flippers, huh?
Wes not goes downs that dusty roads again!
Skwisgaar
What do you mean?
Skwisgaar
Okay Toki, plays mes a harmonic minor scales in the key of uh, D.
Oh, like this. [plays a single note]
Skwisgaar
[suddenly] WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! [pulls a chord that sends a bucket of blood on Toki's head and they fight.]
You not a great teacher, Skwisgaar.
Skwisgaar
Permits me to disagree.
[Nathan, Murderface and Pickles are outside Skwisgaar's room] Okay you two, being a dick takes a lot of work. The objective guys, is to drive somebody crazy.
PNPickles & Nathan
Yeah, alright.
Skwisgaar's in there practicing away, let's drive him crazy. Follow my lead, and try to keep up...
[in a very high pitched voice] So uh... sounds like Toki's really gettin' going over there with a new guitar teacher!
[also high pitched] Yeah, I went by his room... dude. He was doing stuff on that guitar, I was like, 'What? I ain't never heard nothin' like that!'
[still high pitched] I was like, 'Are you speeding up a tape with a guitar solo on there?!'
[very robotic in his voice] I-was-like-that-too! But-then-I-found-out-that-he-was-not!
[high pitched] No, he wasn't! He was really doin' it!
[high pitched] Hey- OH, HI, SKWISGAAR!
Skwisgaar
[has stopped playing and has been listening to them] So he's getting prettys good, huh?
[normal voice] Yes, he's getting quite good.
Skwisgaar
If you don't minds, I maybe wants to bes by myself for a second?
Skwisgaar
[muffled through the door] NOOOOOOOOO!
You remembered my birthday. Gimme a hug. I can't Believe you remembered my birth- [coughs]
Just my way of saying thanks. Just...my way of saying...thanks.
Skwisgaar
[livid] IS DIS HIMS?! DIS PIECE OF TRASH?! DAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, YOU KNOW DAT? YOU LIVES INSIDES A GARBAGE CAN!
SKWISGAAR! NO! HE'S LIKE A FATHER-FRIEND!
Skwisgaar
Oh yeah? Dis garbage can? Right here? Dat your friend-father? Well, It's either hims, or the band.
Skwisgaar
I hears by performs citizens ban-firing! Effective NNNNNNNOW!!
AW! YOU CAN'TS DO THAT! YOU NEEDS TO PRESENT IT TO THE BAND CONGRESS FIRST TO GETS THE TWO-THIRDS VOTE!
Skwisgaar
I wills begins the paper work! Good day!
OOffdensen
I can not, in good faith, sign off on this citizen's firing.
Skwisgaar
Why nots?
OOffdensen
Because, uh, some of the other band mates neglected to vote.
I said it once, and I’ll say it again: Voting sucks!
I was actually the president of the voting-sucks club in high school.
Well, I never got re-elected.
OOffdensen
Well, Toki, I don’t know what to say. Either you work this out with Skwisgaar, or you’ll have a bigger decision to make.
No, I nots works its out! [leaves the room.]
Skwisgaar
See? See! Right there! I can’ts even talks to him! He’s unrationals!
OOffdensen
Well..there you go.
Thanks you. And nows, I demonstrates the name of the string. Dis one i-is an E. And uh, Dere’s another E, heres, and the G, and the P, and the C. Those are what’s called, the fret. [gets nervous] Dat’s, Dat’s not a string, but its, its near the string and- uh, nevermind dat, lets..play the scale, dat’s the major scales on the guitars, string, [heart beats faster.] No! I can’ts dos this!
Can’ts do this anymore master, I can’ts take more piano lessons!
Whatever! I just wish I could be...[cries]
Shhhhh…shhh. It’s just as well. I’m dying boy. I’m dying. [coughs]
Skwisgaar
Toki! Stop! I wants yous to have this. Dis is ans importance to you. Dat you have, a magical things with dat guys right there, and I now know, dat you never gots good at guitars. So, its ok for you to have dis relations-ips.
[from a balcony] HEY! OVER HERE! I'M SORRY! I KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE MANIPULATED YOU! IF I COULD TAKE IT BACK I WOULD! I WAS WRONG!
Skwisgaar! Yous were afraids that I was better than you?
[also from a balcony] STOP! OVER HERE! DON'T QUIT THE BAND TOKI! I'M SORRY! I SHOULDN'T HAVE MANIPULATED THE SITUATION!
IT'S NATHAN! UM I ALREADY SAID ALL THAT STUFF, LIKE, ALREADY.
Skwisgaar
Yes Toki. Deh bands needs you. Even thoughs you don'ts do nothing.
[also from a balcony] STOOOOP! I'M SORRY! SORRY ABOUT BEING A DICK BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO SUPPRESS THE URGE OF RUINING OTHER PEOPLES LIVES! WHY DOESN'T EVERY ONE OF YOU JUST GO KILL YOURSELF, IDIOTS! I'M SORRY I'M JUST BEING A DICK!
Wowee. You really are...my family.
Boy...I just wanna say one thing before I go. I love you boy. [coughs] I...love...yee- [dies]
So that's just a rough mix of some of the stuff you've been uh...working on.
Skwisgaar
That's kinda nots too terriblys uh...wonderful is it now? Am I right?
No no no, it's not it's uh...dragging.
Yeah yeah, it's just...it's just too confining.
Skwisgaar
Yes confinings.
Sorry if we have very learn-ed sensitive musical ears.
Skwisgaar
Yeah. Toki is right, sorry if we got very good ears.
Uh...Murderface, that's Murderface, I'm Murderface, that's my name.
It sounds like microchips.
Yeah, Pickles is right you know. Who was clearly the one who said that.
I just said that, not Pickle!
Uh, that's a good Pickles impression that's for sure. Right Pickles?
I SAID "RIGHT PICKLLLLLLES!!!"
It sounds like microchips. In ones and zeros-
You guys are fucking deaf! You know that? You can't tell the difference between anything! Can you fucking hear me? DAMMIT CAN ANY OF YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!
OK, we've moved all the tracks onto water, so you wanna take 5 on the horsing around?
....
Hey hey! Record this ready? Ready?
Okay. [recording sequence starts] Pbbbbbbbb ohhhh ahhhhh oh la la la la la la [claps five times] Play that back for me Pickles. [Pickles plays it back]
Skwisgaar
Now we can'ts do that.
It's actually clearer than when he did it.
Hey play that back for me one more time, Pickles, just one more time. [Pickles does so] Yeah I gotta get a copy of that for myself. On water.
Yeah! Burn it on water! [more talking at once] I'm gonna throw up! RECORD IT I'M GONNA THROW UP!
Okay! Press record, record quick quick! [Knubbler pushes a button labeled "Record"; Murderface throws up]
Oh that's gonna sound good!
Skwisgaar
Yeah, I'm gonna add it to my water collection!
Why do they have us right here in front of all these dildos?
Yeah, I mean, we're like, right in front of everything.
Skwisgaar
Ya, it's likes, deys, gawking at us, likes, a bunch of fish that can'ts close their eyes.
Look at that guy. Right there.
Nathan:: Look at that douchebag.
Skwisgaar
Looks at that douchebag!
Skwisgaar
Looks at thats douchebag!
Skwisgaar
Douchebag.
STSkwisgaar/Toki/Murderface/Pickles
Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag...
I'm getting so irritated by these stupid fans!
OOffdensen
Ah, listen. I don't think it's a great idea for you guys to get too close to your doubles.
Skwisgaar
Why can't we have friends all of a sudden?
OOffdensen
You can. You just can't have them as friends.
Skwisgaar
Ohhh. He admits it sees. He's a tyrants sees.
OOffdensen
Do you understand the purpose of having doubles?
Yeah, I'll take this one guys. A double is like having the best friend you've had in your whole life. A double listens to you when no one in this crazy world will. A double is like having a child and watching him grow up and feeling that feeling of pride and unyielding trust that no one else can ever give you.
OOffdensen
They exist to so that if someone tries to kill you they will be killed instead.
Whoa what? I mean just thinking of those us as dead, I mean I'm going to cry I might seriously cry about that.
OOffdensen
That's why you don't get emotionally attached, Nathan.
OOffdensen
Listen, great men throughout history have used doubles. Men who needed to stay alive for the greater good of their people, much like yourselves. Men like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin-
Awesome! I'm Stalin, I called it.
Skwisgaar
I wants to be Bill Cosby!
You ever think of just, you know, giving it all up?
Skwisgaar
Ah, you means, like, kills yourself.
No. What? No, I mean, like, stopping being famous, become a regular old jackoff.
...And so then kill yourself?
No, no, stopping being famou...yeah, you can kill yourself if you want to.
You know, it would be great, to walk down the street, and not be bothered for once.
I don't know, walk down the street, you know.
I don't know, walk to a store. Walk to a store.
Then buys it on the internet, have it delivered!
I know I can buy it on the internet, but what if I want to walk to the park, you know, and look at swans?
Well maybe you should have thought about that before you got famous!
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
