Peg, feed me something or feed me to something. I just wanna be part of the food chain.
S5 E5The Dance Show
S5 E6Kelly Bounces Back
I'm not cooking tonight, you know.
Uh-oh. Then I guess I just have to live on love.
Not with me. I'm on strike.
Oh, no. Then I guess I just have to live.
Hey, Peg -- still on strike?
What does it look like?
You could be on fire and I wouldn't know.
Oh, man! It feels like I died and went to Dad's happy corner in the basement.
I beg of you, Pepe Le Pew. Keep your urges and your odor in check.
S5 E7Married...With Aliens
Listen, Al. You suffered a head injury today. You're probably seriously hurt and require immediate medical attention. Now go to sleep.
Peg! Three little green aliens came in here and... they stole my socks!
Were they green before or after they touched your socks?
I lost the pictures.
Aliens pose for new pictures
No, sorry, guys, I busted the camera in my anger. Nothing ever goes right for me. Sometimes I wonder if Al Bundy was ever meant to be in this universe at all.
Aliens put arms over Al in support
Thanks, guys. You can have my socks. By the way, what do you need them for?
AAliens
PEZUZU.
SSubtitle
FUEL.
NNarrator
It was a time of great darkness. A giant comet cut a path of destruction through the universe. The one man who could save them all was unappreciated on his homeworld. But on planet Preludon, they still sing songs about the man whose socks created fuel for the ships that battled the comet and stopped it, savings hundreds of worlds to include Earth. This man's name? Al Bundy!
Al laid out packages of unworn socks in an attempt to bait aliens. Nothing happens. The following night the aliens return
How come you guys didn't come? Look at all these socks.
Aliens pick up fresh socks and shake heads. One of them pulls a pair out the dresser and nods head
I get it, these are new. You want used.
S5 E8Wabbit Season
First thing they teach you when you're a rookie shoe salesman is, when you got a fat one in the chair, never look up. Well, I looked up, Peg. I saw underwear. It said "Saturday."
So what?
[starts crying] Today's Wednesday.
[singing to the tune of Old McDonald had a Farm] Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y. And on this farm there was no wife, B-U-N-D-Y. With a no wife here, and no kids there, a hooker coming in on Friday nights, big luscious hooters and a pizza and a beer there. Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y.
I must have poured a million gallons of water down that hole. I flooded the whole block and every living thing in it. Now if that rabbit's still alive, I'm yours tonight.
[talking to the kids] You know, the sad thing is, I don't really want him. But, a promise is a promise.
Now look what you've done! You'll be screaming worse than me, I'll tell you! [as Peggy drags him into the house] I'll get you for this, I'll make you pay for this, I'm telling you!
S5 E9Do Ya Think I'm Sexy
[to Al] Are you enjoying your day off?
Peg, you know I am. Now, how are you gonna ruin it for me? Sex? Chores? What?
Where are you going?
Where do you think I'm going?
To the "Mr. Pudding Belly" tryouts?
S5 E10One Down, Two To Go
Al, our baby's gone. Hold me.
I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?
Bud, was I a good mother?
Well, you must have been. I was the only 8-month-old baby who knew how to change his own diaper.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.